Solitude is the precondition for having a conversation with yourself

My daughter gave me a thoughtful gift last year – it was a subscription to Scientific American magazine. I am an engineer by training and she knew that I would enjoy reading about the latest developments in science and technology.

One issue had an interview with Sherry Turkle, a Sociologist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, about The Networked Primate. Her research has led her to believe that today’s “always-on” phone technologies and social media applications threaten to undermine some basic human strengths that have evolved over the ages to help us thrive.

She worried that today’s technologies, which make it possible for young people to never feel alone or bored, have the detrimental effect of making us less attentive to the people closest to us, and more importantly, all the social interactions make it hard for us simply to be comfortable with ourselves.

She cited experiments showing that people today have a tremendous lack of tolerance for being alone; and that the capacity to be alone is disappearing. Instead of looking inward, people look to the outside – their personalities and opinions a product of their social network, rather than considered personal reflection and critical thinking.

People raised in an environment where there is an expectation of constant access sometimes fail to recognize that there is great value in turning everything off and looking inward. It is one of the most important things we  can do to make sense of the world and our place in it.

Watching the River Flow

Studies have shown that uninterrupted time alone is especially important for children because the capacity to be with yourself and discover yourself is the bedrock of development. Ms Turkle emphasized this by saying that “solitude is a precondition for having a conversation with yourself“.

I found this article interesting because I have always felt most comfortable and productive when I am alone. In my life, I have always treasured solitude – maybe it was because growing up in a small household with seven siblings made it a rare commodity.

The activities that refresh me the most are those things that I do alone: walking in the woods, fishing, meditating, reading, praying, exercising. Those are the activities that let my mind wander and take me where it wants to go – which is usually someplace surprising and worthwhile. Some of my most important breakthroughs and life decisions came to me when I was alone.

Some people think me strange for seeking out solitude – I have been stopped more than once by police patrols while walking around my neighborhood late at night in my black hoodie – so I am glad that research confirms that solitude is a healthy pursuit for people that are interested in making the most of their life. I imagine each person experiences solitude differently, but in my case I am comfortable in the quiet and isolated places – the blessings of my faith give me the strong sense that even when I am solitude, I am not alone.

Some of the world’s greatest thinkers and artists did their best work by shunning the outside world and focusing on their interior selves. Emily Dickinson wrote poems in the isolation of her room that she never intended to publish. Henry David Thoreau had to simplify his life and live alone in a cabin in the woods to gain insights on life and nature that had escaped him while he was living in community.

That does not mean I am a recluse or that I avoid social activities and events. I am aware of equally important research that shows how important to health and well-being it is for people to have a supportive social network. I realize that it is not good for man to always be alone.

But it is also not good to have an imbalance where we become so addicted to our social network and technology that we do not know who we really are or what we are called to be. So, take some time today to unplug, turn off, disconnect and log out – and start having a conversation with yourself – you never know where it might lead you.