“Soft is Stronger than Hard”

Part of my job responsibilities as a product manager for a Technology company involved making periodic trips to different regions of the world to visit with electronics manufacturers who were using our test equipment in their factories. Whenever I traveled to Asia I was usually accompanied by our Asia Application and Customer Support manager. He was a Singapore native and one of the most remarkable people I ever met.

I used to marvel at his approach to life and the interactions he had with the diverse people he dealt with every day. He took a genuine personal interest in everybody he met and he seemed to remember all the details of their life – the name of their spouse, how many children they had, the date of their birthday. I don’t know how he did it, but it came naturally to him.

I experienced his generosity of spirit many times over the years. After a long flight to Asia he would usually meet me at my destination airport and personally arrange my transportation to the hotel. He would take me out to dinner at night and make a point of immersing me in the culture of the region, he would take me on sightseeing trips to show me the attractions of the area we were visiting (the Great Buddha statue of Hong Kong, the National Palace Museum in Taiwan, Merlion park in Singapore, the glittering beaches of Pattaya Thailand). During our time together he would inquire about my well being, my family and my life philosophy. Every year he would send me a note or some thoughtful gift to wish me a happy birthday.

I learned through our time spent together that he didn’t just do this for me – he seemed to do it for everyone that was part of his life – his family, his co-workers, the people that worked for him and the customers he supported. Because of his engaging personality he had one of the strongest circles of influence within the company. The application and support engineers that worked for him loved and respected  him and would expend herculean efforts to successfully complete projects that he assigned them. The sales administration personnel would go out of their way to do things to make his job easier. Customers chose our company over competitors simply on the strength of their relationship with him – they trusted him completely and were confident that if any issues came up, he would make sure that they were addressed.

Despite his powerful influence he was the image of humility in all his dealings, never taking credit for successful projects or sales wins – instead he downplayed his role giving credit to other individuals on his team. When things were not successful he would never assign blame – instead he would shield others from criticism and take personal responsibility for the failing outcome. His out-sized influence did not come from his job title or the company’s organizational structure but from his ability to get things done and the motivational effect he had on a talented team of individuals to get them to work at their maximum potential. He had what I refer to as “soft” power rather than “hard” power.

I mentioned this to him one day during one of our dinner conversations and he looked at me with one of his knowing smiles and he said “Soft is stronger than hard”. It made me smile because he would often interject short bits of Hindu and Buddhist wisdom scripture or eastern philosophical sayings into our conversations (like “Water is stronger than Rock” or “Cow is my Friend”) that seemed simple at first but had much deeper meanings. This came from his long practice of Taoism, an ancient eastern philosophy that focuses on living in harmony with all things and living a life of moderation and humility.

Yin-Yang Symbol: Harmony of Contrary Forces

I often think back to those sayings and reflect on the merits of his life philosophy, especially during those times when I encounter situations that are made worse by people trying to get their way by imposing their will through force, fear or guilt. Too often it seems to be the American way. So many people resort to hard tactics to accomplish their objectives when a soft touch would be much more effective.

I also find similarities between my Catholic faith and those of the eastern philosophical traditions. Christianity too teaches us to be humble, to die-to-self and to be compassionate and caring. Jesus was always merciful to those he encountered and he did not force anyone to follow him. Instead he said…

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Because forced love is not love – it is slavery; and work that is performed based on a sense of love and gratitude is never a burden. So, I try to keep my friend’s advice close to heart during my daily interactions with others and remember that nothing is so strong as gentleness.