“I used to walk like a giant on the land…”

“Now I feel like a leaf floating in a stream”

Leaf Floating in a Stream

I first heard this lyric from the Neil Young song  “Walk Like a Giant” at a memorable Neil Young /Crazy Horse concert which I attended with my wife in 2012 at the TD Garden in Boston. The song struck a chord with me because Neil looks back with nostalgia to a time in his life when he felt that he and his friends were masters of the universe, filled with youthful optimism and unlimited ambition for making the world in their likeness – only to feel disappointed in the end when their vision fell apart.

I can relate to those feelings. When I was in my early 20’s and just setting out to build my own life, I was able to achieve many of the dreams and goals I had set for myself  in a relatively short amount of time. I graduated from College with an Engineering degree, married my college sweetheart, landed a fulfilling job in my chosen profession, bought a new house in the suburbs and my first new car, became a world traveler and father to two beautiful daughters – all within a period of 5 years. I also was  actively participating in numerous sporting and social activities with good friends and my large extended family that brought me much enjoyment. I was controlling the terms of my life and felt like a giant on the land.

Looking back now on those accomplishments, some 30 years later – after living through the drawn out illness and death of that college sweetheart, the failing health of my parents, the passing away of close friends, the miraculous finding of a new love, retirement from work within sight and the birth of two precious grandsons; I have come to see things from a different perspective. I see myself not as a giant, but as that leaf floating in a stream.

I have come to realize that many things happen in life that I cannot control and my past accomplishments are not only a product of my talents and hard work, but also of the favorable currents in my life that blessed me with citizenship in a prosperous and peaceful country, good health, two loving parents, and a robust public education system. Given that foundation I was able to feel for a time like a giant walking upon the land. Without that foundation I would likely have struggled through life in the same way that countless other disadvantaged children do today.

Now in the sixth decade of my life I am OK with floating in the stream of life and I am willing to accept where the current leads me.  There is something to be said about the wisdom of the great religious philosophies that advocate detachment from worldly concerns, dying to self and the vanity of all material things. We cannot bend life to our will, but we can accept each day as it comes, try to enjoy the scenery and use whatever influence we have to make the world a better place as we go and try, like Neil, not to let the “big fire burn down all our ideas and desires” until the journey ends.