“Anything truly novel is invented only during one’s youth”

This summer I read Walter Isaacson’s illuminating biography of Albert Einstein, the man who is widely considered to be the greatest thinker of the 20th Century. In 1905, when he was only 26 years old, he published four groundbreaking papers that forever changed the way people understood space, time, mass, gravity and energy.

By the time Einstein turned 40 in 1919, at a moment when he was struggling to devise a unified theory of matter, he complained to a friend that “Anything truly novel is invented only during one’s youth. Later, one becomes more experienced, more famous – and more blockheaded“.

Einstein’s frustration at his diminished capabilities as he aged is a phenomenon that is considered common with mathematicians and physicists who seem to make their greatest contributions to science before they turn 40. Einstein remarked to a colleague that as he got older he felt his intellect slowly becoming crippled and calcified.

Why does this happen? In Einstein’s case, it was partly because his early successes had come from his rebellious traits. In his youth, there was a link between his creativity and his willingness to defy authority and the universally accepted cosmological laws of his day. He had no sentimental attachment to the old order and was energized at the chance to show that the accepted knowledge was wrong or incomplete. His stubbornness worked to his advantage.

After he turned 40, his youthful rebellious attitudes were softened by the comforts of fame, renown, riches and a comfortable home. He became wedded to the faith of preserving the certainties and determinism of classical science – leading him to reject the uncertainties inherent in the next great scientific breakthrough, quantum mechanics. His stubbornness began working to his disadvantage as he got older.

It was a fate that Einstein began fearing years before it happened. He wrote after finishing his most groundbreaking papers: “Soon I will reach the age of stagnation and sterility when one laments the revolutionary spirit of the young“. In one of his most revealing statements about himself, Einstein complained: “To punish me for my contempt of authority, Fate has made me an authority myself“. He found it even harder as he got older acknowledging “the increasing difficulty a man past fifty always has adapting to new thoughts”.

Einstein brilliance is beyond compare, but I can relate to his observation about doing your best work when you are young. When I look back at my personal life and work career, I recognize that I was at my most ambitious and innovative during the decades of my 20’s and 30’s.

My adult life exploded with big events in 1982, the year that I turned 22. In the timespan of that one year I managed to graduate from college, marry my college sweetheart, start my first professional job as an engineer, buy a new house and a new car, and learn that my wife and I were going to become first-time parents. I remember filling out a survey designed to measure the amount of stress in your life during that eventful year and being surprised when the calculated stress numbers registered so high that they indicated I should be dead!

But all of it was exhilarating to me at that point in my life. I was experiencing new things and accumulating knowledge like a sponge. I knew that my growing family would be counting on me to be a good provider – which gave me the incentive I needed to focus on building a stable career.

I was determined to be successful in my engineering role and threw myself into learning everything I possibly could about the company I worked for as well as the electronic test and measurement equipment that they manufactured.

Many of my co-workers had graduated from more prestigious universities than me and I felt that I had something to prove. I wanted to make a name for myself and grow my reputation and value within the company by making important contributions to the projects to which I was assigned.

I took several continuing education engineering classes at night to improve my knowledge of subject areas that I knew would be helpful to me at work, I sought out brilliant co-workers who could mentor me and give me wise advice on how to approach complex technical projects, and I questioned everything – wondering if there might be a better solution to the problems we were trying to solve.

This drive in my early career to be successful enabled me to do my most innovative and important work for the company during the decades of my 20’s and 30’s. In the span of my first 18 years working for the company, I was awarded two patents, helped develop multiple new test products which generated millions of dollars for the company, created automated software regression tests significantly lowering product development times while improving software quality, and published frequent technical articles for industry conferences and trade journals.

By the time I turned 40, I could point to many important career milestones and had achieved recognition as a top performer and leader within the company. The rewards of my hard work were a comfortable home and financial independence. With this success I began to have feelings of contentment that lessened my drive to take on new projects or solve interesting problems. I became comfortable and happy with life as it was – I no longer felt the need to over-extend myself.

I was satisfied to rest on my past achievements and to take on less tasking roles that would improve the product in evolutionary, rather than revolutionary ways. Over time, I became the wise, experienced, older mentor to younger employees who came to me for advice and direction.

I felt okay with that transition as I considered it my good fortune to be in a situation where I was able to share my knowledge with a new generation of ambitious young people who were ready to make their own marks on the world by inventing novel new solutions that were now beyond me. In some ways, being a part of those collaborative efforts made me feel better than my individual personal accomplishments.

The famous journalist Ed Bradley once interviewed Bob Dylan in 1998 on the television show 60 minutes, at a time when he was approaching 60 years old. During the course of the interview, Bradley asked Bob what the source of inspiration was for his famous early songs, the ones that led to him being recognized as the voice of a generation while he was still only in his 20’s.

Dylan replied that his early songs were almost magically written and that he felt some kind of power, outside of himself, flowing through him while was writing them. When Bradley asked if he could still tap into that penetrating magic now in his songwriting, Dylan paused and said; “No, I don’t know how I got to write those songs“. Bradley followed up and asked if that disappointed him, Dylan replied softly; “Well you can’t do something forever and I did it once… and I can do other things now – but I can’t do that“.

That is a healthy way, I believe, of thinking about what is possible for each of us as we age. My days of endless ambition and innovative thinking are past. But I can do other things now that I couldn’t do then. I can indulge hobbies that interest me, I can find new paths to hike and rivers to fish, I can help care for my mother in her old age and I can share what I have learned through my life experiences and pass it on to my grandchildren and the larger community via this blog.

There will only ever be one Einstein, none of us will ever be as brilliant as him – but if you are under 40, get busy by putting your spry young mind and youthful ambition to work! Maybe you too can come up with novel ideas and ways of doing things that will help change the world or someone’s life for the better.

And if you are over 40, you can be like Einstein in his older years; contributing in a positive way to his community and sharing his wisdom, experience and good fortune with the next generation. In the end, many of our late in life pursuits that we share with others can end up being more rewarding and meaningful to us than any personal accomplishments we achieve along the way.

Nothing is forever in this world, even your problems

If I could go back in time, one of the things I would tell my younger self is not to worry so much about what other people think about him or inflate the importance he thinks small events will have on his future.

Because sometimes, especially when we are young, we become our own worst enemies when we inhabit a distorted world where we imagine that everybody we see is judging our every move and we worry that people will gossip about us behind our backs (or worse embarrass us on social media!) if we happen to do something outside of culturally accepted norms.

These worries can be harmful if they cause us to withdraw and lead a cautious life. Instead of living in the moment and boldly taking on new and interesting challenges, we play it safe and stop taking chances because we are frightened how people will view us if we make a mistake.

We think that if we don’t make a good impression, then we will be ridiculed or ignored, forever limiting our opportunities to succeed in the future. Constantly worrying about what others think about us can lead to anxiety and even depression, but even worse, it prevents us from achieving our full potential.

What I would tell my younger self is that the truth is, in most cases, that other people are not thinking about you! They are too wrapped up thinking about themselves and their own life to waste time thinking about or remembering anything that we do (good or bad). I laugh when I look back now at all of the small things that seemed so big to me when I was young and I realize I assigned them way more importance in my mind than they deserved.

When I was in school, I remember being paralyzed with fear at the thought of public speaking . In Junior High, the Principle asked me to get up at an Assembly and introduce an act in front of the whole school. I practiced the introduction over and over and thought I had it memorized; but when the lights came up and I was facing the entire Assembly, I completely blanked, muttered something incomprehensible, and stumbled backstage.

I was mortified and walked around for the rest of the week with my eyes downcast, imagining that all my classmates were talking about me and my embarrassing performance. That episode left a mental scar that stayed with me throughout high school. I would have anxiety whenever I was asked to speak in front of an audience. My mind kept imagining another disaster – and even when I managed to get through a speaking assignment without a major mistake – my thoughts kept focusing on how I should have done better.

I didn’t start to feel comfortable speaking in public until I went to College and attended a Speech class that exposed me to methods for dealing with anxiety and the practice of focusing on positive outcomes rather than the fear of failing. That young boy who feared public speaking would never have believed that his older self would someday speak to an audience of hundreds at engineering conferences, participate as a Lector in his church community, happily officiate weddings for friends and family and deliver eulogies to honor the deceased.

I’m sure nobody but me thinks back to that moment in 1973 when I flubbed my speech in front of the school assembly; and my worst fears about being ridiculed by my classmates never happened. My friends joked with me saying they were glad the Principal hadn’t asked them to do the introduction and the rest of my classmates quickly forgot the incident as they were too occupied concentrating on all the events and drama happening in their own life.

That moment and other traumatic events in my life, like failing my first driving test or watching the Red Sox choke away the World Series to the New York Mets in 1986 have taught me an important life lesson that is best summarized by an expression coined by the great Charlie Chaplin:

“Nothing is forever in this world, even your problems”

Charlie Chaplin

Charlie Chaplin from the film “Modern Times”

Chaplin was no stranger to problems. His childhood in London was one of poverty and hardship, as his alcoholic father was absent and abusive and his mother was committed to a mental asylum when he was 14. He was sent to live in a workhouse twice before the age of nine. Reminiscing upon his childhood, Chaplin wrote “I was hardly aware of a crisis because we lived in a continual crisis; and, being a boy, I dismissed our troubles with gracious forgetfulness“.

Despite these less than ideal childhood circumstances, Chaplin managed to start performing in music halls and working as a stage actor and comedian, where he developed his Tramp persona. He was scouted by the film industry and moved to America where he began appearing in comedies starting in 1914. Within four years he became one of the best known figures in the world.

Troubles found their way into Chaplin’s life again in the 1940s when a number of controversies led to a rapid decline in his popularity. He was accused of communist sympathies, and some members of the press and public found his involvement in a paternity suit, and marriages to much younger women, scandalous. A politically motivated FBI investigation against him was opened by J. Edgar Hoover which forced Chaplin to leave the United States in disgrace and settle in Switzerland.

Chaplin eventually overcame these problems as well. He married the daughter of playwright Eugene O’Neil when he was 54 and lived happily with her and their 8 children until he died at the age of 88. During this time he was awarded honorary degrees from many prestigious universities and was finally invited back to America in 1972 when he was given a [12 minute standing ovation] at the Academy Awards for “the incalculable effect he has had in making motion pictures the art form of this century“. Charlie Chaplain continues to be held in high regard today, with his movies The Gold Rush, City Lights, Modern Times, and The Great Dictator often ranked on lists of the greatest films of all time.

I think about Charlie Chaplin’s wise observation that nothing lasts forever in this world when I encounter problems in my life that seem as if they are insurmountable. I try not to worry so much about what other people are thinking and remind myself that life will go on, problems will eventually fade, and other people’s opinions can not defeat me or define my future as long as I remain productive and engaged in positive pursuits. It gives me hope to believe that all suffering eventually ends.

There is one final point that is important for us all to consider; which is that just as troubles do not last forever, neither do the good times. This is an unfortunate corollary to Chaplin’s idea that often goes without saying. Sometimes we take the good times for granted and fail to fully appreciate our good fortune.

So, I hope that when things are going well in your life, you find time to slow down, live in the moment and acknowledge your blessings, because the good times become all the sweeter when you realize that they will not last.

Feeling Like a Stranger Nobody Sees

Bob Dylan recently celebrated his 80th birthday by releasing a film noir streaming art movie of him singing songs from his early career. The movie was filmed entirely in black & white and was appropriately named Shadow Kingdom because throughout the film dark shadows obscure the musicians and most of the surroundings.

Screenshot from Bob Dylan’s Shadow Kingdom Film

The set reminded me of something right out of an old twilight zone episode, a 1940’s style dark and smoky nightclub where the dozen or so people in the barroom sit at tables with their drinks and cigarettes, or mingle out on the dance floor slowly grooving to the music of Bob’s four piece band.

I realized while watching that Bob was clearly the oldest person in the film – there doesn’t appear to be a person in the band or in the audience who is older than 40 – most appear to be in their 20’s and 30’s. I’m not sure if it was his intention, but it would not surprise me to learn that Bob specifically wanted to surround himself with young people. After all, he is the man who wrote Forever Young and the one who made famous the observation that “He not busy being born is busy dying“.

For Bob it seems as if age is not a number but an attitude, and throughout his career he has refused to become a nostalgia act or to live on his past glories. Instead he has continuously changed and reinvented himself; and along the way he has succeeded in making music that is relevant and appealing to every generation. One look at the mix of young and old faces at his concerts demonstrates his ability to speak to all ages.

Which is difficult to do because in today’s society the elderly are often overlooked by the young. As people get older, they often get the feeling that they are being ignored and that they are becoming invisible within their communities. A couple lyrics from Bob Dylan’s later songs indicate that even someone as famous as him is not immune from this feeling.

Walking through the leaves, falling from the trees
Feeling like a stranger nobody sees

Lyrics from song Mississippi by Bob Dylan

I see people in the park forgetting their troubles and woes
They’re drinking and dancing, wearing bright-colored clothes
All the young men with their young women looking so good
Well, I’d trade places with any of them
In a minute, if I could

Lyrics from song Highlands by Bob Dylan

In these lyrics, Bob ponders the predicament which many old people find themselves in. Just when they should start feeling fortunate for reaching their seventh or eighth decade of life, their bodies become old and frail and they find themselves becoming unvalued outsiders. It seems as if the world speeds up and they just become spectators to life happening around them.

Strangers who once smiled and acknowledged them as they walked past begin passing by without even a glance. They become self-conscious about their appearance and failing senses and withdraw further into isolation, sadly contributing towards their own “invisibility”.

The author Helen Garner, in her 2015 essay The Insults of Age, writes that women especially have always had an acute awareness of growing old. Her essay explores all the cruel ways in which getting older means being erased from a culture that equates youth and beauty with value. “Your face is lined, and your hair is grey, so they think you are weak, deaf, helpless, ignorant and stupid. It is assumed that you have no opinions and no standards of behavior and that nothing that happens in your vicinity is any of your business.”

My father as he got older suffered from COPD (which made it a struggle for him to breathe) and hearing decline (which made it hard for him to follow group conversations). Despite this, he was beloved by his eight children for his wisdom, good nature, and the code of honor with which he lived his life.

But I remember my mother telling me about an incident that occurred that was very hurtful to my father when he was older. There were a group of people sitting around the table having a discussion about a specific topic. My father ventured to offer his opinion on the subject when one of the young people interrupted and told him that “Nobody really cares what you think“.

Those words were a shock for my father to hear. He was a man of integrity who was used to being treated with respect and dignity throughout his life and whose opinion was always highly valued. To bluntly be told that nobody cared what he thought was like a slap in the face. With incidences like this happening to the elderly is it any wonder why they become confused and retreat into isolation?

There was a time in the past when the elderly were revered, cared for, and sought out for their wisdom. It seems that today they are instead viewed as a burden and out of touch with the way the world operates. There is a generation of people that are overlooked every day.

Age should not define a person or diminish respect from others. According to the American Psychological Association, people who do not feel connected are at increased risk of depression, dementia, and poor self-esteem – all factors that can affect physical and mental health and overall life satisfaction.

And this problem between the generations is only likely to get worse as aging adults shuffle themselves off into sterile retirement communities that bill themselves as “God’s Waiting Room” while young adults flock to the vibrancy and vitality of urban cities. Both sides lose in this segregation of the generations as it becomes difficult for the young to imagine what their life might look like when they are older and the old forget what it is like to see the world for the first time through new eyes.

In a society that idolizes youth and youth culture, it can be difficult to understand and address the challenges older adults face. Changing society’s perception of the elderly is beyond me, but I can try to go out of my way to fully engage with the older adults I encounter in my day-to-day activities – to show them that I see them and that they are not invisible!

If each of us made a small effort to be friendly with the older adults we encounter, to listen to what they have to say and to treat them with dignity, then we would all be richer for the experience. Old folks have a lifetime of experiences to share and many interesting stories to tell – if we only give them the chance.

Perhaps there is a selfish motivation behind my efforts to fight the stigma of aging. After all, pretty soon I will be considered an old timer (my ten year old grandson already calls me an oldster); and I hope people will still see me and treat me with dignity as my body runs down. Invisibility is a good Superpower to have in the movies but, I imagine it must get pretty lonely in real life when nobody ever really sees you.

An Appreciation of my Wife on her 60th Birthday

Kathleen was born in 1960, the first-born of a third generation English/Irish couple scratching out a living in the gritty suburbs of Boston. Her mother and father were young parents who never possessed adequate parental skills to properly nurture their children.

In public her parents tried to present the picture of a perfect family; but behind closed doors it was a different story. They were routinely cruel to their children, inflicting harsh punishments for minor infractions. They were driven by their own selfish desires, letting the needs of their children take a backseat.

Despite the dysfunctional home and parental episodes of verbal and physical abuse, Kate was fortunately also exposed to glimmers of light: grandparents who lived nearby to look after her when things got out of hand at home; a favorite aunt who would spoil her; treasured books that helped her to imagine a life different than the one she was living; younger siblings to protect and bond with; and a catholic elementary school education that gave her the moral foundation to understand the difference between right and wrong.

Her parent’s disowned Kate after she graduated from High School because she refused to continue letting them bully her or acquiesce to their unreasonable demands on her life.

With no family support, she managed to get by with jobs as a checkout girl at the Supermarket and as a snack distributor. She shared a tiny apartment and went to school at night when she could afford it – eventually graduating from Bentley University with her business degree.

When she got married her parents expressed their disapproval by refusing to attend the wedding and by strong-arming most of her relatives to boycott the wedding as well.

Nevertheless she persisted, integrating well into her husband’s family – who gladly embraced her, loving and treating her like a daughter. She learned important lessons about how to be a loving parent from her father and mother in law that she never acquired from her own parents.

Someone had once told Kate that in this life you can either choose to be a victim or a survivor; and she was determined to be a survivor – refusing to let her past misfortunes define her or rob her of present and future joy.

It is said that when a child is born, the mother is born again also. Kate got a chance to be born again – being blessed with two daughters and a son over a period of 4 years. She vowed not to let history repeat itself, insisting that she would be a different kind of mother to her children than her mother was to her.

She succeeded in this vow by focusing on her family, working long hours to create a beautiful home and doing everything in her power to make sure her children had everything they needed. She sacrificed personal and professional goals to ensure the well-being of her children and to support her husband’s rising career.

When the marriage broke apart after almost 20 years, Kate was devastated. Overnight she became a single mother of two teenage daughters and a teenage son, struggling to pay, on a greatly reduced income, all the bills that came with maintaining the lifestyle to which her children were accustomed.

She did what she could to cut expenses and protect the children’s lives as much as possible from the turmoil and disruption that typically comes when parents divorce. Though the husband and wife relationship ended up in failure, Kate did her best for the sake of her children to ensure that the mother and father roles would be a success.

It was during this time that Kate and I began dating. We found each other via an online dating app, but were surprised to learn how much we actually had in common. We were both the same age, we lived in adjacent towns, our kids attended the same Catholic school and we were both grieving from the sudden death of our imagined lifetime dreams.

We met for a bicycle ride on our first date and I was intrigued by her honesty and seeming lack of effort to impress me with her clothes or appearance. She told me right up front that I should run away from her because she had three teenage children and an ex-husband that was a cop.

Her honesty came as a refreshing change compared to my other limited dating experiences and even after one brief date I could tell there was something substantial about her under the surface that called for a second date.

I enjoyed discovering over subsequent dates the beautiful qualities about her that were just waiting to come out – her intelligence; her sense of humor; her compassion for others; and her selflessness in trying to protect and provide for her children.

I saw in Kate a unique blend of toughness and tenderness that was very appealing. She shows her personal toughness by her refusal to be defeated by the obstacles and adversities that life throws at her; but at the same time she is very tender and compassionate with the people she encounters who need love, understanding and a helping hand.

I often wonder how it is that some people can grow up in dysfunctional families and live through life changing hurts but still bounce back from those adverse conditions to live happy and fulfilling lives. I so admire my wife for being one of those people who are blessed with that kind of supernatural resilience.

It seems to be a divine gift or maybe the answer to a prayer like the one Emily Dickinson made when she was struggling with the vagaries of her life:

“Grant me, O Lord, a sunny mind – Thy windy will to bear!”

Emily Dickinson from the poem “Besides the Autumn Poets Sing”

The Lord granted Kate with a sunny disposition for sure. It is not in her nature to dwell on her troubles and disappointments or to wallow in self pity. Her tendency is to see the good in other people and to take actions that will lead to a hopeful future.

Somehow she has turned the lost battles of her life into fuel that has helped her to grow more understanding, more spiritual, more forgiving and more generous. She has managed with divine help I suppose to transform all her afflictions into a blessing. What others in her life intended for evil, she has turned into good.

She is a living testament to the adage that we are not the product of what we were, but the possibility of what we can be.

If power is defined as the ability to do good for others, then Kate has been a powerful force in the world by enriching countless lives. Her heart is happiest when she is performing acts of kindness that make life better for other people, especially her children, step-children, grandchildren, husband, siblings, nieces, nephews and community friends.

Even her job as a hospice liaison is spent comforting and assisting patients and families who are overwhelmed by the emotions of planning end-of life care for their loved ones. She was an angel to my extended family as she guided my father through his last days with dignity; and now helps my mother gracefully age-in-place in the home that she loves.

If it’s true that a life is made by what we give, then Kate has truly lived a wonderful life – and the lives of the people she has touched are so much richer for her being a part of it. Every time I hear the lovely lilt of her laughter I am reminded how much I love her and how fortunate I am to call her my wife.

So I toast my wife as she celebrates her 60^th birthday and begins what the Chinese like to call “the beginning of your second life“. I pray that the youth of her old age will be filled with love and happiness and that this blessing of her Irish ancestors will come true for her.

May joy and peace surround you,
Contentment latch your door,
And happiness be with you now,
And bless you evermore.

No Gain without some Pain

When the Coronavirus epidemic first began to shut down the economy and close the schools, the audio book company Audible announced that they would offer free access to a collection of classic audio books – “so that kids everywhere can instantly stream an incredible collection of stories… that will help them continue dreaming, learning, and just being kids“.

I took advantage of Audible’s generosity by listening to several classic novels, one of which was Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray“. The 1890 novel tells the story of of a cultured, wealthy, and impossibly beautiful young man named Dorian Gray.

Dorian’s artist friend Basil, is so taken by Dorian’s appearance and noble bearing that he badgers him into sitting for a portrait. While putting the finishing touches on the portrait, which elegantly depicts the young Dorian as a handsome mythological figure, Dorian is introduced to Lord Henry Wotton.

Lord Henry is an upper-class intellectual who is popular in social circles for his amusing wit and charms, and for his selfish pursuit of pleasure. Upon observing Dorian’s portrait, Lord Henry praises it as a masterpiece and proceeds to give a speech about the transient nature of beauty and youth.

The speech worries the impressionable young Dorian because he begins to realize that over time his most impressive youthful characteristics will inevitably begin to fade. This leads Dorian to curse his portrait, because he sees it will only come to remind him of the lost beauty he once had. In a fit of distress, he pledges his soul if only the painting would take on the burden of his age while he remained forever young.

His wish is granted. Throughout the years, Dorian’s friends age while he stays the same. His picture, however, gradually changes over time to reflect his increasingly evil and corrupt lifestyle.

Lord Henry corrupts Dorian’s mind and soul by encouraging him to live a life dedicated to the pursuit of pleasure. He gives Dorian a book describing the wicked exploits of a nineteenth-century Frenchman which becomes Dorian’s bible as he sinks ever deeper into a life of sin and corruption.

He lives a selfish lifestyle devoted to garnering new experiences and pleasures, with no regard for conventional standards of morality or the consequences of his actions.

Eighteen years pass. Dorian’s reputation suffers in circles of polite London society, where rumors spread regarding his scandalous exploits. His peers nevertheless continue to accept him because he remains young and beautiful. Meanwhile, the figure in the painting that is locked away in Dorian’s attic grows increasingly hideous. 

Near the end of the novel, Lord Henry asks Dorian how it is that he has managed to remain so young after all these years. He wants to know the secret behind what he believes is Dorian’s “exquisite” life.  

“Tell me Dorian how you have kept your youth. You must have some secret. I am only ten years older than you are, and I am wrinkled, and worn, and yellow. But you are really wonderful, Dorian. You have never looked more charming than you do to-night. You remind me of the day I saw you first. You were rather cheeky, very shy, and absolutely extraordinary. You have changed, of course, but not in appearance. I wish you would tell me your secret. To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.”

Quote from “Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde

While listening to this novel, it struck me how strong the human longing is for eternal youth and how many schemes have been promoted over the years promising quick and painless ways to achieve it.

Since the beginning of recorded history, people have been searching for a Fountain of Youth. Tales of a mythical spring that can restore the youth of anyone who drinks or bathes in its waters show up in many historical writings – some dating as far back as the 5th century BC.

Based on these many legends, early explorers and adventurers looked for the elusive fountain, or some other remedy generally associated with magic waters, that when drunk or bathed in would reverse the aging process and cure sickness.

Even today, society’s unending pursuit to find some type of easy ‘medicine’ that will keep us forever young continues strong. One of the songs from 79 year old Bob Dylan’s latest album wistfully praises Key West as the place where the rejuvenating virtues of the sun and wind can be found:

Key West is the place to be
If you’re looking for immortality
Stay on the road, follow the highway sign
Key West is fine and fair
If you lost your mind, you will find it there
Key West is on the horizon line

Lyrics from “Key West (Philosopher Pirate)” by Bob Dylan

Fortunately for those of us living today, modern medicine and the discovery of life-saving vaccines have delivered on the promise of extending the human lifespan.

According to the organization Our World in Data, the average global life expectancy for the human species when Oscar Wilde was writing his book was 29 years old. By 1950, the average life expectancy had increased to 46 years – and by 2015 it had grown to 71 years. So, in the course of approximately 200 years mankind has successfully managed to more than double the average human lifespan.

Despite the incredible advances made by the medical and scientific communities to increase our longevity, science teaches us that nobody can live forever – everyone has an expiration date.

There is a ceiling on human lifespan. The longest living person as verified by the Gerontology Research Group was a French woman named Jeanne Calment who died in 1997 at the age of 122.

Theoretical studies suggest that the maximum lifespan a human can achieve under circumstances that are optimal to longevity is approximately 125 years. The process of aging itself constrains our lifespan, which means that until mankind figures out a way to stop aging, not just treat or prevent specific diseases, there isn’t much chance humans will be able to increase their maximum lifespan beyond that age.

Though we accept there is no fountain of youth or chance at immortality, we also know that certain lifestyle habits can help us stay healthy and younger looking as we grow older. Scientists have provided overwhelming evidence that the following lifestyle habits positively contribute to human health and longevity:

• Maintain Healthy Body Weight – Maintaining a healthy body weight lowers the risk of developing diseases and conditions associated with aging such as diabetes, clogged arteries, heart attacks and strokes. People who limit their calorie intake have healthier heart muscle elasticity, blood pressure and inflammatory markers.
• Eat Smart – A healthful diet includes a variety of fruits and vegetables of many colors, whole grains and starches, good fats, and lean proteins. Eating healthfully also means avoiding processed foods with high amounts of added salt and sugar. A 2015 study showed that eating a healthy diet slows cognitive decline, improves bone strength and enhances gastro-intestinal health.
• Exercise – Working out helps combat the loss of bone density and muscle mass that naturally occurs in our skeletons as we get older. A study, published in the International Journal of Sports Medicine concluded that 70-year-olds who regularly lift weights had as much muscle as 28-year-olds. Consistent mobilizing and stretching of our bodies also helps to reduce the effects of aging on joints and muscles.
• Sleep – Sleep acts as a true fountain of youth for our bodies by providing a pathway for our bodies to repair and rejuvenate itself. People who get a good night’s sleep report feeling more alert, energetic, happier, and better able to function. Research shows that sleep plays a critical role in our immune system, metabolism, muscle growth, tissue repair, memory, learning, and growth hormones. It clears away all of the harmful by-products of the cells’ activities that are produced while we are awake. Sleep is so important to our functioning, that animals who are entirely deprived of it lose all immune function and die in just a matter of weeks.
• Form Connections – Positive social connections with other people and a belief in a higher power have been shown to improve physical health and mental and emotional well-being. One landmark study published by Science Magazine showed that lack of social connection is a greater detriment to health than obesity, smoking and high blood pressure. Strong social connections were shown to strengthen our immune systems, help us to recover faster from disease and increase our longevity. People who feel more connected to others have lower levels of anxiety and depression, higher self-esteem, and greater empathy for others.
• Minimize Environmental Toxins – Prolonged exposure to harsh environmental toxins like smoke, pollution, direct sunlight and loud noise can damage and prematurely age our bodies. Without protection from the sun’s rays, daily exposure can cause noticeable changes and damage to the skin and facial wrinkles start forming on the faces of smokers as young as 20.

We have all been given a map that shows us how to maximize our longevity and stay feeling young and healthy for as long as possible. So why is it that so many of us, myself included, have such a hard time changing our lifestyles to adopt these healthy lifestyle habits?

We know what we should do to maintain our health but our human nature gets in the way, making it difficult for us to sacrifice those momentary un-healthy pleasures that tempt us every day for the promise of benefits that we hope to see sometime in the future.

Most people tend to choose the path of least resistance. It is difficult for many people to limit calories and maintain a healthy body weight; it is unpleasant to eliminate unhealthy foods that you love and replace them with healthy foods you do not enjoy; it is painful to motivate yourself to exercise when you feel tired; it takes discipline to shut off today’s 24/7 news and entertainment options so that we do not shortchange our sleep cycles; it takes commitment to cultivate and nourish our social networks; and it is almost humanly impossible to overcome chemical addictions that become rooted in us.

All of those things are hard so it is no wonder that many of us are like Lord Henry Wotten, who strongly desires the youthful qualities he sees in Dorian, but is also unwilling to suffer any pains to his lifestyle habits or pleasures in order to achieve the gains he covets.

The challenge for all of us is to develop the strength to reject our instant gratification tendencies and to keep in mind the eventual long term rewards that we hope to accrue from today’s short term pains. It helps to think of the struggle we are in today as developing the strength we need to have a better tomorrow. As Coco Chanel once remarked, “Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; but it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.”

I do not fear death because I see both birth and death as good things. Death frees up the planet’s limited resources to make room for the next generation and drives us to live purpose-driven lives. But I am apprehensive of a future in which I gradually deteriorate as I age because of sickness, feebleness, pain and cognitive decline. I imagine that living life with those age-related conditions would cause my life to lose much of its flavor.

My goal is to stay healthy and active up until the day I die. I know that is probably unrealistic but at least it is a goal that keeps me motivated to put up with the pains that come with pursuing healthy lifestyle habits.

Even though I often fail by making unhealthy lifestyle choices, I do not give up trying to achieve my goal. Because doing something is better than doing nothing and winning some of the time is better than giving up altogether.

The surprising thing I have found is that the more I try, the easier it gets. I actually feel better when I eat healthy, exercise, get enough sleep and connect with friends and family. The effort to live healthy doesn’t have to make us miserable – it can pay dividends that make us happy both in the short and the long term.

So, unlike Dorian Gray, I hope the picture of your journey shows a full life that is well-lived; and may you be healthy and happy until the day you die.

It’s Not Dark Yet, But it’s Getting There

I recently celebrated my 60th birthday – a moment of reckoning in one’s life when it seems appropriate to reflect on the bygone days of youth while also wondering what form life will take during the inevitable transition to old age.

The 60th birthday is considered a major milestone in many cultures. In China, someone who has reached the age of 60 is considered to have completed a full life cycle. The 60th birthday is commemorated with great extravagance because it is considered by them to be the beginning of a second life. 

When I think about it, it does seem to me as if I have lived a full life cycle. After all, what more can a man ask out of 60 years of life than to be born into a loving family; be bestowed with good health and a good education; be fulfilled with a satisfying job and rewarding career; be fortunate to find and share in the love of two beautiful women – who made me a proud father, step-father and grandfather to children who are now on their way to living out their own successful life cycles.

It’s funny to think back now of memories I have of playing the old Milton Bradley Board Game of Life in my College apartment with my future fiance and our friends. The game simulates a person’s travels through his or her life, from college to retirement, with jobs, marriage and possible children along the way. The overall goal is to retire as the wealthiest player at the end of the game.

Milton Bradley’s Game of Life

The decisions players make along the way – which include purchasing insurance policies, bank mortgages and stock investments – determine who wins the game of life and who spends their retirement days in Millionaire Estates, Countryside Acres, or the Poorhouse Farm.

Seems like only yesterday I was playing that game, but it was 40 years ago, and I realize I am now at a point where I have completed most of my personal life decisions and ought to be thankful for getting to the end with a winning hand.

I may not have retired the wealthiest man, or live in a Millionaire Estate, but I do live in a comfortable home in a bucolic setting which could easily pass for Countryside Acres. No matter what happens now, I can’t really lose at the game of life because I’ve already won – I’m playing with house money!

One glaring omission in the Life board game that I didn’t notice at the time (because no one who is young ever thinks about getting old) was that it stops at retirement – the end of our 1st life cycle.

The game does not ask the players to consider Medicare or Social Security benefits, Long Term Care insurance, Health Care Proxies, Wills and Trusts, Durable Power of Attorneys, Assisted Living and Nursing Homes, Disability, Hospice, Death, Funerals and burial decisions. All of those elements make up the domain of the second life cycle.

The unrecognizable face of the old man staring back at me from the mirror reminds me that I’m running out of time; as do these song lyrics that I find shuffling more often now in the soundtrack in my mind:

“I don’t look like I used to, I don’t walk like I used to, I don’t love like I used to. Oh… I can’t do the things I used to because I feel old”

“I feel Old” by the Heartless Bastards

“Ain’t gonna need this body much longer, ain’t gonna need this body much more. I put in 10 million hours. Washed up and worn out for sure”

“Don’t Need this Body” by John Mellencamp

“I was born here and I’ll die here, against my will. I know it looks like I’m moving, but I’m standin’ still… Don’t even hear the murmur of a prayer, It’s not dark yet, but it’s gettin’ there”

“Not Dark Yet” by Bob Dylan

I am beginning my journey into the realm of the second life. From what I have observed, people who first enter this realm can become bewildered and embarrassed by the onset of old age and all of the infirmities that begin to come with it.

I was struck by this paragraph from the Grace Paley short story “Friends“, because it captures the awkward unsaid sentiments aging friends can experience when they haven’t seen each other in a while:

People do want to be remembered as young and beautiful. When they meet in the street, male or female, if they’re getting older they look at each other’s face a little ashamed. It’s clear they want to say, ‘Excuse me, I didn’t mean to draw attention to mortality and gravity all at once. I didn’t want to remind you, my dear friend, of our coming eviction, first from liveliness, then from life’. To which, most of the time, the friend’s eyes will courteously reply, ‘My dear, it’s nothing at all. I hardly noticed’.

“Friends” by Grace Paley

My wife’s work at a hospice agency reminds me every week that the end comes before we know it and when it does it is usually painful and undignified. To focus only on this inevitability, however, is a distraction that diminishes all the possibilities for living a rewarding second life.

Instead it is better, I think, to focus on encouraging past research that shows people tend to grow steadily happier as they age. As the moodiness and demands of youth subsides, maturity seems to bring more contentment.

In a Pew Research Center survey, seven-in-ten respondents ages 65 and older said they were enjoying more time with their family, more financial security and more time for volunteer work, travel and hobbies. Sixty percent said they feel more respected and have less stress than when they were younger.

But there is some conflicting research on the subject of aging and happiness and some experts say contentment, no matter what the age, boils down to one thing: Attitude. They say attitude is everything and that the qualities that most contribute to feelings of contentment as we age include:

• Optimism – Older people seem to display a more positive outlook on life than their younger, stressed-out counterparts. As a person’s life expectancy decreases, they tend to focus on what makes them feel good today; rather than mulling over past regrets or future worries. They live in the moment focusing on what is good in their life rather than what has not been achieved.
• Less Want – Jackie Coller wrote: “There are two ways to be rich: One is by acquiring much, and the other is by desiring little.” The Buddhists believe that it is the human mind’s craving for things that is the source of suffering. As we age, we tend to become more comfortable and accepting of our lot in life and our role in society – thus reducing the conflicts and anxieties that come with constantly wanting to change our situation.
• Humor – Mark Twain said that “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.” Being funny is possibly one of the best things you can do for your health. You can almost think of a sense of humor as your mind’s immune system.

Even though humor improves people’s overall quality of life, it is a hard habit for some people to adopt and practice. They take life too seriously and find it difficult to laugh at themselves or the frequent absurdities that make up our daily life.

In the novel East of Eden, John Steinbeck writes about an encounter an overly serious young girl has with her wise old Chinese friend:

“Do you think it’s funny to be so serious when I’m not even out of high school?” she asked. “I don’t see how it could be any other way, ” said Lee. “Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth, and laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death, and sometimes it isn’t in time.”

“East of Eden” by John Steinbeck

With all this in mind, my simple goals for pursuing a second life filled with contentment are:

• to stay optimistic (60 may be old, but it is the youth of old age!)
• to want less (have few desires, be satisfied with what you have!)
• to cultivate my sense of humor (like George Carlin who joked when he turned 60 years of age that he was only 16 Celsius!)

If I am able to a accomplish those goals then maybe I will be lucky enough to feel like Ben Franklin who, at the goodly age of 84, wrote these words as he was preparing for the end of his remarkable second life…

“Let us sit till the evening of life is spent; the last hours were always the most joyous. I look upon death to be as necessary to to our constitution as sleep. We shall rise refreshed in the morning.”

Taken from “The First American – The Life and Times of Benjamin Franklin” by H.W. Brands

“I used to walk like a giant on the land…”

“Now I feel like a leaf floating in a stream”

Leaf Floating in a Stream

I first heard this lyric from the Neil Young song  “Walk Like a Giant” at a memorable Neil Young /Crazy Horse concert which I attended with my wife in 2012 at the TD Garden in Boston. The song struck a chord with me because Neil looks back with nostalgia to a time in his life when he felt that he and his friends were masters of the universe, filled with youthful optimism and unlimited ambition for making the world in their likeness – only to feel disappointed in the end when their vision fell apart.

I can relate to those feelings. When I was in my early 20’s and just setting out to build my own life, I was able to achieve many of the dreams and goals I had set for myself  in a relatively short amount of time. I graduated from College with an Engineering degree, married my college sweetheart, landed a fulfilling job in my chosen profession, bought a new house in the suburbs and my first new car, became a world traveler and father to two beautiful daughters – all within a period of 5 years. I also was  actively participating in numerous sporting and social activities with good friends and my large extended family that brought me much enjoyment. I was controlling the terms of my life and felt like a giant on the land.

Looking back now on those accomplishments, some 30 years later – after living through the drawn out illness and death of that college sweetheart, the failing health of my parents, the passing away of close friends, the miraculous finding of a new love, retirement from work within sight and the birth of two precious grandsons; I have come to see things from a different perspective. I see myself not as a giant, but as that leaf floating in a stream.

I have come to realize that many things happen in life that I cannot control and my past accomplishments are not only a product of my talents and hard work, but also of the favorable currents in my life that blessed me with citizenship in a prosperous and peaceful country, good health, two loving parents, and a robust public education system. Given that foundation I was able to feel for a time like a giant walking upon the land. Without that foundation I would likely have struggled through life in the same way that countless other disadvantaged children do today.

Now in the sixth decade of my life I am OK with floating in the stream of life and I am willing to accept where the current leads me.  There is something to be said about the wisdom of the great religious philosophies that advocate detachment from worldly concerns, dying to self and the vanity of all material things. We cannot bend life to our will, but we can accept each day as it comes, try to enjoy the scenery and use whatever influence we have to make the world a better place as we go and try, like Neil, not to let the “big fire burn down all our ideas and desires” until the journey ends.