Wear the World Lightly

There is a story I heard once about two relatives who were attending the funeral services of a wealthy family member. One of them, with a greedy glint in his eyes, leans over and whispers; “how much did he leave?“. The other looks back and responds…”All of it“. The point of the story was that when our time comes, we don’t take any of our possessions with us.

St. Francis of Assisi, who was born into a wealthy noble family, left his life of possessions and privileges to start a monastery and live a life of simplicity. His advice to those who wanted to join him was to “Wear the world like a loose garment, which touches us in a few places and there but lightly”. 

St Francis Statue

The Alcoholic Anonymous organization adopted this teaching of St Francis and shortened it to the simple phrase: Wear the World Lightly. Their 12-step program for overcoming addiction uses lots of sayings to help people detach and overcome their addictions, phrases like: live and let live, let go and let God, turn it over, easy does it, and one day at a time.

All of these statements of detachment are not intended to send a message that we should be indifferent or dead to the world, or have no feelings at all. Rather their purpose is to teach people to face the world with a kind of mindful disengagement.

It is this “detachment with love” philosophy that can help motivate people to create a peaceful space within themselves, separated from the never-ending incoming arrows of uncertainty, fear, anger, and other painful events that plague our life. Practicing detachment helps people look past the daily shocks that occur, producing a change of attitude in the mind and a physical release in the body.

To wear the world as a loose garment is to acknowledge that the world and our life will always press at us and around us, but that it does not have to touch us but “lightly”. Most things are either outside our control or ultimately unimportant. 

We do not need to grasp, manage, dwell on or react to everything that happens to us. We can choose instead to keep the world at an emotional distance so we can stay focused on doing the next right thing. It is an attitude that can relax the body and relieve the mind of the poisonous emotions that overcome us when we are confronted by the people, places or things that beset us.

To be in the world but not of it, is to live and move through life without being emotionally attached to everything that happens. Life can get hard, but those who wear the world lightly learn how to live in the world with their hardships, neither fighting them nor being crushed by them.

St Francis was essentially encouraging us to not sweat the small stuff. To not get annoyed or depressed when life does not go your way or when you do not get what you want. When you have lived long enough you come to understand that most of the things that bother us are small potatoes. Even death apparently, which the Dalai Lama described as a simple change of clothes.

I’ve heard it said that the secret to happiness as we age “is to care less and less about more and more“. The wise elders I have been fortunate to know in my life carried that attitude with them; they tended to let fewer and fewer things bother them as they got older. It’s not because they didn’t care, most likely it was just that they discovered through their life experience that it is possible to walk away, without anger or agitation, from some things they felt passionate about – and still live.

I happened across an on-line sermon about this same topic of wearing the world lightly by Bishop Robert Barron. From a spiritual point of view, Bishop Barron also believes that St Francis’ famous statement was an attempt to teach his followers about the importance of detachment – especially from the goods and achievements of the world.

Not because the world itself is bad – there are all kinds of good, true and beautiful things in the world – but because the things of the world are not the ultimate good and we are not meant to cling to them as though they were.

There are stories throughout the Bible about the futility of clinging on to earthly power, riches and glory. King Solomon is one of the greatest figures in the history of Israel from a standpoint of wealth and power. He was somebody who had it all; nobody was richer, nobody was more famous, nobody had richer palaces or clothes. But, as an old man, looking at all the possessions he has acquired over his lifetime, he says: “Vanity of vanities, all things are vanity!“.

The word vanity in Hebrew signifies something that is insubstantial and momentary, like wind or vapor or bubbles; something that is here for a brief time and then it is gone. Solomon has experienced everything: power, sensual pleasure, wisdom, honor and wealth. He has built up a reserve of wealth through his knowledge and skills and yet when he is gone, he must leave all his property to others who have not labored over it and do not deserve it.

It is not uncommon to hear complaints like this from men as they become old and infirm; “I gave my whole life to my business, I worked hard and I made a fortune. Now I’m an old man and I’m surrounded by ungrateful children and grand-children; and I’ve done all this work and yet these people are going to inherit all my wealth. What’s it all been about“?

If you live to be old enough, at some point, you finally come to realize that everything in this world has a quality of evanescence – it disappears and does not last. It is a good thing if you have been successful and built up a fortune – but it’s not going to last. Because you are going to fade away and it’s all going to go to somebody else.

Should we just be depressed then? Father Barron says no, not depressed, instead we should be detached. Our wealth, power, pleasure and the esteem of other people. It’s good. We should take it in and then let it go. We should enjoy it the way you enjoy a firework going off. Learn to live in the present moment, savoring what we can, but then letting it go.

Why? Because we come to realize that the truly good and beautiful things belong to a higher world. We can sense them in the good things of this world but none of our earthly things last and so if we cling to them, what happens is they disappear, they crumble as we try to grasp at them. Rather see them, appreciate them and then let them go.

We can get caught in an addictive pattern when we cling to the goods of the world. You worry about them so you say to yourself, oh no I better get more. Instead, we would be wise to remember the cautionary parable of the rich fool told by Jesus:

“The ground of a certain rich man brought forth abundantly. He reasoned within himself, saying, ‘What will I do, because I don’t have room to store my crops?’ He said, ‘This is what I will do. I will pull down my barns, and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. I will tell my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years. Take your ease, eat, drink, be merry.”‘ “But God said to him, ‘You fool, this very night your soul is required of you. The things which you have prepared— whose will they be?’

Luke 12:16-21

St Francis asks us to cultivate an attitude of detachment in our life. To stop clinging and hanging on to the things of the world. The more we cling to them, the more we become imprisoned by them. We’ll become bitter, angry , empty if our only focus is on the acquisition of ephemeral things. But if we practice the proper spiritual attitude of detachment and keep our eyes on the true and beautiful things that do not fade away then we will know how to handle the goods of the world as they come to us.

Fr Barron closes his sermon by emphasizing again that wealth in itself is not the problem. He points out that wealthy people can be saintly when they know how to use their wealth, how to wear it lightly and how to become generous with it. The only thing we take with us into the life to come is the quality of our love and what we’ve given away on earth. So, we should forget about trying to fill up our lives with bigger barns; true joy in life comes through building up our treasure in heaven.

The publication of this particular blog represents a milestone for me and the achievement of a goal I set for myself way back in 2013 when I posted my very first Words to Live By blog entry. I have been publishing this monthly blog for almost 10 years now and and have managed to author 100 different blog entries in that time.

I have attempted in this collection of postings to communicate ideas and philosophies that have helped me along the way and given my life direction and meaning. It has been a wonderful mental exercise for me and a labor of love that has helped me recognize things that make life interesting and wonderful. I hope my readers have discovered some of their own words to live by that will be of specific value to them in their own life.

In the spirit of “wearing the world lightly”, I plan to cut back on my blogging activities moving forward so that I am can devote more time focusing on doing the next right things in my life that will increase the quality of my love. I don’t plan to walk away from blogging completely though, as there are always more words to live by to be discovered and examined.

So, keep an eye out for the occasional future posting from me; and until then, may the blessings abound in your life.

There is no Right or Left, there’s only Up and Down

Many people throughout the years have attempted to get Bob Dylan to reveal his political affiliations. The historically important songs he has written throughout his career, along with his cultural reputation as the voice of a generation, have made both Republicans and Democrats eager to claim him as their own. Both sides proudly point to specific lyrics in his songs that they say proves Dylan is either a right-leaning Conservative or a left-leaning Liberal.

A Democrat could point to this verse from Dylan’s 1975 song “Hurricane” to argue that Bob Dylan is a liberal because he thinks systemic racism is built into American society and that the criminal justice system is corrupt and needs to be reformed.

"Meanwhile, far away in another part of town
Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around
Number one contender for the middleweight crown
Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down
When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road
Just like the time before and the time before that
In Paterson that’s just the way things go
If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street
’Less you wanna draw the heat"

Likewise, a staunch Republican could argue that Dylan’s 1983 song, “Neighborhood Bully” indicates that Dylan is a conservative because he is a strong supporter of Israel’s right to use force to protect themselves from their hostile Arab neighbors.

"The neighborhood bully just lives to survive
He’s criticized and condemned for being alive
He’s not supposed to fight back, he’s supposed to have thick skin
He’s supposed to lay down and die when his door is kicked in
He’s the neighborhood bully"

The truth is that Bob Dylan has always been an independent spirit and he has always managed to keep his specific political leanings a mystery. When pressed on his positions after President Kennedy’s assassination Dylan declined to reveal any loyalties to political parties, saying only to the reporter that to him “There is no Right or Left, there’s only Up and Down“.

I admire Bob for his discipline to remain above the fray when it comes to the petty politics of the day. It is a strategy that has allowed him to freely practice his art and speak his mind, unencumbered from the demands of party line expectations. Dylan admitted in his 1964 song “My Back Pages” that he feared becoming his own enemy “in the instant that I preach“.

The fact that both parties can point to past statements uttered by Dylan to back up one or more of their political positions is a good indication that Bob does not base his opinions on whether an issue is supported by the left or right; but instead he considers each issue independently and makes up his mind based on a position’s moral merits – in other words, whether the position is good (Up) or bad (Down).

The country would be better off if more people looked at issues, not as Right or Left, but as good or bad. Too many people today blindly follow the positions of their party’s leaders, keeping a closed mind to the arguments of their opponents and failing to objectively examine political issues so as to determine what they ought to believe. If more people did this, then there would be less debate about whether a policy proposal originated from a conservative or liberal playbook and more discussion about whether a policy is right or wrong.

Throughout history, America has benefitted from good ideas and policies that have originated from both Republican and Democratic leaders. It is a shame that politics today are so partisan that politicians refuse to support legislation that is good for the country, simply because the idea originated from the other side. It is an even greater shame that politicians will rubber stamp legislation that is bad for the country simply because their party leaders and corporate donors support it.

I consider myself a political moderate; conservative on most fiscal issues and liberal on most social issues. Based on this, you would think I would fit into the the category of an Independent voter; however my distaste for the increasingly far-right policies of the Republican party over the last few decades have led me to vote almost exclusively for Democratic candidates.

In order to win elections, Republicans have turned to populist techniques. They try to whip up the passions of the “common people” by presenting overly simplistic and emotional answers to complex questions – using tactics like blaming minority groups for the country’s problems, exaggerating dangers to scare people, lying to drown out reasoned deliberation and insulting anyone who disagrees with them.

Donald Trump is only the latest and best example of a long line of political leaders who fit the definition of demagogue as described by the historian Reinhard Luthin:

“A demagogue is a politician skilled in oratory, flattery and invective; evasive in discussing vital issues; promising everything to everybody; appealing to the passions rather than the reason of the public; and arousing racial, religious, and class prejudices – a self-professed ‘man of the people’ whose lust for power without recourse to principle leads him to seek to become a master of the masses.”

Historian Reinhard Luthin

Demagogues exploit a weakness inherent in most democracies which is the greater numbers of lower class and less-educated voters. These are the people most prone to be whipped up into a fury and led to reckless actions by a politician who is skilled at fanning the flame of resentment.

Democracies are instituted to ensure freedom for all as well as popular control over government authority. Demagogues can however, turn power deriving from popular support into an authoritarian force that undermines the very freedoms and rule of law that democracies are made to protect.

For centuries, political leaders in the U.S. have used racial prejudice as a tactic to shore up support from white Americans, particularly those white Americans who feared they were losing social status as Black Americans made civil rights gains. In the 1960’s Richard Nixon used the infamous Southern strategy to persuade white southerners to vote for him by stirring up fear of Black empowerment.

Bob Dylan recognized in his 1963 song “Only a Pawn in their Game” how southern politicians (both Democrat and Republican) used the poor white working class as pawns to protect their political power:

A South politician preaches to the poor white man
"You got more than the blacks, don't complain
You're better than them, you been born with white skin, " they explain
And the Negro's name
Is used, it is plain
For the politician's gain
As he rises to fame
And the poor white remains
On the caboose of the train
But it ain't him to blame
He's only a pawn in their game

The deputy sheriffs, the soldiers, the governors get paid
And the marshals and cops get the same
But the poor white man's used in the hands of them all like a tool
He's taught in his school
From the start by the rule
That the laws are with him
To protect his white skin
To keep up his hate
So he never thinks straight
'Bout the shape that he's in
But it ain't him to blame
He's only a pawn in their game

Sadly, Donald Trump has continued and perfected the tactics of the demagogue to whip up the passions of the lower class and less educated segments of the American population; and to punish any politicians within his party who dare to express an opinion which he does not support. His influence has turned the Republican party into the Party of Mean People by pushing a xenophobic platform that is anti-immigrant, anti-regulation, anti-civil rights, anti-science, and anti-gun control.

The followers of Donald Trump do not make an effort to weigh the moral implications behind the “conservative” policies they blindly support – as long as Trump supports it, they support it – even if the policy is bad for the country and works against their self interests.

The fact that Donald Trump lost his re-election bid is a sign of hope, but it remains to be seen if he will keep his hold on power or whether some Republicans will be courageous enough to break with the conservative party line and start thinking independently about what is best for the country.

As a way to encourage that break from party line thinking, I hereby offer up this list of virtuous political principles that I hope would be adopted by all citizens of good faith after careful consideration. I don’t consider these political principles liberal or conservative – I advocate support for them simply because I believe they would be good for our democracy and make our country stronger:

• Voter Access: It is good for the country when there are fair and open election laws that make it easy for citizens to participate in our democracy; and bad when state and federal authorities set up roadblocks that make it difficult to vote or when they enact legislation that suppresses the vote.
• Quality Education: It is good for the country when every child has access to a quality education and bad when poorly performing schools prevent students from achieving their full potential. Parents of students attending failing schools should be given the ability to move their children to a better school.
• Quality Health Care: It is bad for society when its citizens do not have access to quality health care and it would be good to pass legislation that works towards making Universal Health Care a right and not a privilege.
• Environmental Protection: It is bad when governments ignore climate change science and good when they undertake meaningful steps that will preserve and protect the environment for future generations.
• Civil rights: It is bad for the country when citizens are treated unfairly because of their race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion or disability; and good when individual civil rights are protected and citizens trust the criminal justice system.
• Compassionate Immigration: It is good for the future of our country to have a robust and compassionate immigration policy that respects the dignity of all applicants; and bad to have an isolationist policy that keeps out skilled workers and those who are being severely persecuted in their homelands.
• Living Wage: It is bad for the fabric of society when families earning minimum wage live below the poverty line and good when working families are provided a living wage.
• Economic Inequality: It is bad for society when greater than 70% of the country’s wealth is concentrated in the hands of 10% of its citizens and good when corporations and governments enact policies that lessen economic inequalities.
• Food Security: It is good when policies are put in place to protect citizens who live in poverty from hunger. It is bad that 1 in 10 households live with food insecurity and 16% of children do not know where there next meal is coming from.
• Fiscal Restraint: It is bad for the country’s future and the future of our children for the government to continually run up such large national deficits – and good for the government to cut unnecessary programs which allows the country to live within its means.

I hope the next time you asked to form your opinion on a political issue, you will ignore what the political parties are telling you to think, and instead, like Bob Dylan, choose the position that you think will best lift the country up, not bring her down.

An Appreciation of my Wife on her 60th Birthday

Kathleen was born in 1960, the first-born of a third generation English/Irish couple scratching out a living in the gritty suburbs of Boston. Her mother and father were young parents who never possessed adequate parental skills to properly nurture their children.

In public her parents tried to present the picture of a perfect family; but behind closed doors it was a different story. They were routinely cruel to their children, inflicting harsh punishments for minor infractions. They were driven by their own selfish desires, letting the needs of their children take a backseat.

Despite the dysfunctional home and parental episodes of verbal and physical abuse, Kate was fortunately also exposed to glimmers of light: grandparents who lived nearby to look after her when things got out of hand at home; a favorite aunt who would spoil her; treasured books that helped her to imagine a life different than the one she was living; younger siblings to protect and bond with; and a catholic elementary school education that gave her the moral foundation to understand the difference between right and wrong.

Her parent’s disowned Kate after she graduated from High School because she refused to continue letting them bully her or acquiesce to their unreasonable demands on her life.

With no family support, she managed to get by with jobs as a checkout girl at the Supermarket and as a snack distributor. She shared a tiny apartment and went to school at night when she could afford it – eventually graduating from Bentley University with her business degree.

When she got married her parents expressed their disapproval by refusing to attend the wedding and by strong-arming most of her relatives to boycott the wedding as well.

Nevertheless she persisted, integrating well into her husband’s family – who gladly embraced her, loving and treating her like a daughter. She learned important lessons about how to be a loving parent from her father and mother in law that she never acquired from her own parents.

Someone had once told Kate that in this life you can either choose to be a victim or a survivor; and she was determined to be a survivor – refusing to let her past misfortunes define her or rob her of present and future joy.

It is said that when a child is born, the mother is born again also. Kate got a chance to be born again – being blessed with two daughters and a son over a period of 4 years. She vowed not to let history repeat itself, insisting that she would be a different kind of mother to her children than her mother was to her.

She succeeded in this vow by focusing on her family, working long hours to create a beautiful home and doing everything in her power to make sure her children had everything they needed. She sacrificed personal and professional goals to ensure the well-being of her children and to support her husband’s rising career.

When the marriage broke apart after almost 20 years, Kate was devastated. Overnight she became a single mother of two teenage daughters and a teenage son, struggling to pay, on a greatly reduced income, all the bills that came with maintaining the lifestyle to which her children were accustomed.

She did what she could to cut expenses and protect the children’s lives as much as possible from the turmoil and disruption that typically comes when parents divorce. Though the husband and wife relationship ended up in failure, Kate did her best for the sake of her children to ensure that the mother and father roles would be a success.

It was during this time that Kate and I began dating. We found each other via an online dating app, but were surprised to learn how much we actually had in common. We were both the same age, we lived in adjacent towns, our kids attended the same Catholic school and we were both grieving from the sudden death of our imagined lifetime dreams.

We met for a bicycle ride on our first date and I was intrigued by her honesty and seeming lack of effort to impress me with her clothes or appearance. She told me right up front that I should run away from her because she had three teenage children and an ex-husband that was a cop.

Her honesty came as a refreshing change compared to my other limited dating experiences and even after one brief date I could tell there was something substantial about her under the surface that called for a second date.

I enjoyed discovering over subsequent dates the beautiful qualities about her that were just waiting to come out – her intelligence; her sense of humor; her compassion for others; and her selflessness in trying to protect and provide for her children.

I saw in Kate a unique blend of toughness and tenderness that was very appealing. She shows her personal toughness by her refusal to be defeated by the obstacles and adversities that life throws at her; but at the same time she is very tender and compassionate with the people she encounters who need love, understanding and a helping hand.

I often wonder how it is that some people can grow up in dysfunctional families and live through life changing hurts but still bounce back from those adverse conditions to live happy and fulfilling lives. I so admire my wife for being one of those people who are blessed with that kind of supernatural resilience.

It seems to be a divine gift or maybe the answer to a prayer like the one Emily Dickinson made when she was struggling with the vagaries of her life:

“Grant me, O Lord, a sunny mind – Thy windy will to bear!”

Emily Dickinson from the poem “Besides the Autumn Poets Sing”

The Lord granted Kate with a sunny disposition for sure. It is not in her nature to dwell on her troubles and disappointments or to wallow in self pity. Her tendency is to see the good in other people and to take actions that will lead to a hopeful future.

Somehow she has turned the lost battles of her life into fuel that has helped her to grow more understanding, more spiritual, more forgiving and more generous. She has managed with divine help I suppose to transform all her afflictions into a blessing. What others in her life intended for evil, she has turned into good.

She is a living testament to the adage that we are not the product of what we were, but the possibility of what we can be.

If power is defined as the ability to do good for others, then Kate has been a powerful force in the world by enriching countless lives. Her heart is happiest when she is performing acts of kindness that make life better for other people, especially her children, step-children, grandchildren, husband, siblings, nieces, nephews and community friends.

Even her job as a hospice liaison is spent comforting and assisting patients and families who are overwhelmed by the emotions of planning end-of life care for their loved ones. She was an angel to my extended family as she guided my father through his last days with dignity; and now helps my mother gracefully age-in-place in the home that she loves.

If it’s true that a life is made by what we give, then Kate has truly lived a wonderful life – and the lives of the people she has touched are so much richer for her being a part of it. Every time I hear the lovely lilt of her laughter I am reminded how much I love her and how fortunate I am to call her my wife.

So I toast my wife as she celebrates her 60^th birthday and begins what the Chinese like to call “the beginning of your second life“. I pray that the youth of her old age will be filled with love and happiness and that this blessing of her Irish ancestors will come true for her.

May joy and peace surround you,
Contentment latch your door,
And happiness be with you now,
And bless you evermore.