Wear the World Lightly

There is a story I heard once about two relatives who were attending the funeral services of a wealthy family member. One of them, with a greedy glint in his eyes, leans over and whispers; “how much did he leave?“. The other looks back and responds…”All of it“. The point of the story was that when our time comes, we don’t take any of our possessions with us.

St. Francis of Assisi, who was born into a wealthy noble family, left his life of possessions and privileges to start a monastery and live a life of simplicity. His advice to those who wanted to join him was to “Wear the world like a loose garment, which touches us in a few places and there but lightly”. 

St Francis Statue

The Alcoholic Anonymous organization adopted this teaching of St Francis and shortened it to the simple phrase: Wear the World Lightly. Their 12-step program for overcoming addiction uses lots of sayings to help people detach and overcome their addictions, phrases like: live and let live, let go and let God, turn it over, easy does it, and one day at a time.

All of these statements of detachment are not intended to send a message that we should be indifferent or dead to the world, or have no feelings at all. Rather their purpose is to teach people to face the world with a kind of mindful disengagement.

It is this “detachment with love” philosophy that can help motivate people to create a peaceful space within themselves, separated from the never-ending incoming arrows of uncertainty, fear, anger, and other painful events that plague our life. Practicing detachment helps people look past the daily shocks that occur, producing a change of attitude in the mind and a physical release in the body.

To wear the world as a loose garment is to acknowledge that the world and our life will always press at us and around us, but that it does not have to touch us but “lightly”. Most things are either outside our control or ultimately unimportant. 

We do not need to grasp, manage, dwell on or react to everything that happens to us. We can choose instead to keep the world at an emotional distance so we can stay focused on doing the next right thing. It is an attitude that can relax the body and relieve the mind of the poisonous emotions that overcome us when we are confronted by the people, places or things that beset us.

To be in the world but not of it, is to live and move through life without being emotionally attached to everything that happens. Life can get hard, but those who wear the world lightly learn how to live in the world with their hardships, neither fighting them nor being crushed by them.

St Francis was essentially encouraging us to not sweat the small stuff. To not get annoyed or depressed when life does not go your way or when you do not get what you want. When you have lived long enough you come to understand that most of the things that bother us are small potatoes. Even death apparently, which the Dalai Lama described as a simple change of clothes.

I’ve heard it said that the secret to happiness as we age “is to care less and less about more and more“. The wise elders I have been fortunate to know in my life carried that attitude with them; they tended to let fewer and fewer things bother them as they got older. It’s not because they didn’t care, most likely it was just that they discovered through their life experience that it is possible to walk away, without anger or agitation, from some things they felt passionate about – and still live.

I happened across an on-line sermon about this same topic of wearing the world lightly by Bishop Robert Barron. From a spiritual point of view, Bishop Barron also believes that St Francis’ famous statement was an attempt to teach his followers about the importance of detachment – especially from the goods and achievements of the world.

Not because the world itself is bad – there are all kinds of good, true and beautiful things in the world – but because the things of the world are not the ultimate good and we are not meant to cling to them as though they were.

There are stories throughout the Bible about the futility of clinging on to earthly power, riches and glory. King Solomon is one of the greatest figures in the history of Israel from a standpoint of wealth and power. He was somebody who had it all; nobody was richer, nobody was more famous, nobody had richer palaces or clothes. But, as an old man, looking at all the possessions he has acquired over his lifetime, he says: “Vanity of vanities, all things are vanity!“.

The word vanity in Hebrew signifies something that is insubstantial and momentary, like wind or vapor or bubbles; something that is here for a brief time and then it is gone. Solomon has experienced everything: power, sensual pleasure, wisdom, honor and wealth. He has built up a reserve of wealth through his knowledge and skills and yet when he is gone, he must leave all his property to others who have not labored over it and do not deserve it.

It is not uncommon to hear complaints like this from men as they become old and infirm; “I gave my whole life to my business, I worked hard and I made a fortune. Now I’m an old man and I’m surrounded by ungrateful children and grand-children; and I’ve done all this work and yet these people are going to inherit all my wealth. What’s it all been about“?

If you live to be old enough, at some point, you finally come to realize that everything in this world has a quality of evanescence – it disappears and does not last. It is a good thing if you have been successful and built up a fortune – but it’s not going to last. Because you are going to fade away and it’s all going to go to somebody else.

Should we just be depressed then? Father Barron says no, not depressed, instead we should be detached. Our wealth, power, pleasure and the esteem of other people. It’s good. We should take it in and then let it go. We should enjoy it the way you enjoy a firework going off. Learn to live in the present moment, savoring what we can, but then letting it go.

Why? Because we come to realize that the truly good and beautiful things belong to a higher world. We can sense them in the good things of this world but none of our earthly things last and so if we cling to them, what happens is they disappear, they crumble as we try to grasp at them. Rather see them, appreciate them and then let them go.

We can get caught in an addictive pattern when we cling to the goods of the world. You worry about them so you say to yourself, oh no I better get more. Instead, we would be wise to remember the cautionary parable of the rich fool told by Jesus:

“The ground of a certain rich man brought forth abundantly. He reasoned within himself, saying, ‘What will I do, because I don’t have room to store my crops?’ He said, ‘This is what I will do. I will pull down my barns, and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. I will tell my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years. Take your ease, eat, drink, be merry.”‘ “But God said to him, ‘You fool, this very night your soul is required of you. The things which you have prepared— whose will they be?’

Luke 12:16-21

St Francis asks us to cultivate an attitude of detachment in our life. To stop clinging and hanging on to the things of the world. The more we cling to them, the more we become imprisoned by them. We’ll become bitter, angry , empty if our only focus is on the acquisition of ephemeral things. But if we practice the proper spiritual attitude of detachment and keep our eyes on the true and beautiful things that do not fade away then we will know how to handle the goods of the world as they come to us.

Fr Barron closes his sermon by emphasizing again that wealth in itself is not the problem. He points out that wealthy people can be saintly when they know how to use their wealth, how to wear it lightly and how to become generous with it. The only thing we take with us into the life to come is the quality of our love and what we’ve given away on earth. So, we should forget about trying to fill up our lives with bigger barns; true joy in life comes through building up our treasure in heaven.

The publication of this particular blog represents a milestone for me and the achievement of a goal I set for myself way back in 2013 when I posted my very first Words to Live By blog entry. I have been publishing this monthly blog for almost 10 years now and and have managed to author 100 different blog entries in that time.

I have attempted in this collection of postings to communicate ideas and philosophies that have helped me along the way and given my life direction and meaning. It has been a wonderful mental exercise for me and a labor of love that has helped me recognize things that make life interesting and wonderful. I hope my readers have discovered some of their own words to live by that will be of specific value to them in their own life.

In the spirit of “wearing the world lightly”, I plan to cut back on my blogging activities moving forward so that I am can devote more time focusing on doing the next right things in my life that will increase the quality of my love. I don’t plan to walk away from blogging completely though, as there are always more words to live by to be discovered and examined.

So, keep an eye out for the occasional future posting from me; and until then, may the blessings abound in your life.

“Why can’t I find my words?”

An ailing 93 year old man struggling with terminal health issues was recently talking with my wife about his care preferences and how he would like to spend his remaining days.

The man was a highly-respected member of his community as well as the dignified face of a successful family business whose duties often required him to interact with people during times of great stress in their life. He seemed to have a gift for knowing what to say to people when they needed a kind word or affirmation.

While struggling to explain his wishes for his end of life care, he paused in frustration and said “Why can’t I find my words?“; then in resignation he simply acknowledged “I can feel death coming for me“.

It is sad to see a man who always knew just what to say to suddenly find himself bereft of the one gift he felt he could always count on. Here he was, a lover of language, eloquent no more and unable to transform the thoughts in his mind to words on his lips.

It is only natural that he would become discouraged by his loss of language skills, but his simple statement questioning why he can no longer find his words was profound in itself and carries a lesson that we should all consider.

For me it is a reminder of the importance of having meaningful conversations with the ones we love while we still have our full faculties and can still find the words that express what we want to say. I hope that man did not die with regrets because of words he left unsaid.

As far back as I can remember I have been a lover of language, books and reading. That is probably the reason why I have such a deep connection to the poetic nature of Bob Dylan’s music and why the blog I have been writing since 2013 is called “Words to Live By“.

It has been gratifying for me to see that my two intelligent daughters have also inherited a joyful connection to language and history and to watch them as they pursue rewarding careers that benefit from the skillful way they use their words.

Those skills were on display in these heartwarming excerpts from a sixtieth birthday letter they wrote to me.

I inherited a lot of what makes me myself from you . My cowlick, my reflective manner, my intelligence; with language, ability to think critically, tendency to reflect on what’s important in life, love of music and even the disappointed face I show my children when they’ve misbehaved. I am so grateful.

After Mom’s death, we both did a great deal of growing on our own and figuring out our new places in the world. I am so lucky you gave me the space to explore the world on my own and yet you were still there to catch me every time I made a not so great decision. You supported me every step of the way even if you didn’t understand where I was coming from, and you still do to this day.

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Ultimately, it was language that always connected us. It’s no surprise to me that your blog posts are prompted by quotes and phrases that inspire you, but it’s ironic because your own words have always been the ones I’ve lived by. From the time I was old enough to read, you’ve written in my birthday cards, “remember who you are”. Little did you know how important the concepts of memory and identity would become in my life, or that my career would be centered on them.

I can’t tell you how many times throughout our relationship I was terrified to tell you about a new life development or decision I made — thinking, surely, THIS will be the thing that pushes my peace-loving and tolerant father over the edge — only to be met by a sweet and reassuring phrase like, “You don’t have to live your life the way that I did — live your life for you.” Or a well timed reference like, “Bob Dylan says this is America. You can be whoever you want to be”.

Letter excerpts from my daughters

It means the world to me that they took time out of their busy lives to “find their words” and communicate them to me so tenderly. So often we look back over our life with regret, second-guessing our actions and wondering if we should have done some things differently. To hear directly from the people we love that overall they think we did a good job is a priceless gift.

The lesson I take from this dying man is that while I still have power over my words, I should use them to nourish all the important relationships in my life – before it is too late. Finding the right words to say about someone who was, or is, meaningful in your life is like a superpower that you can use to enrich somebody else’s life for the better.

A powerful example of the great power and joy words can bring to life can be found between the covers of John Bartlett’s famous book of Familiar Quotations. My daughter gifted me a used copy of this reference book which I have found to be quite mind expanding.

I liken it to drinking from a fire hose of the world’s collected wisdom from the beginning of mankind’s recorded memory. Imagine the curated and condensed wisdom of the world’s best minds (including Solomon, Homer, Confucius, Sophocles, Plato, Cicero, Virgil, Dante, Chaucer, Cervantes, Shakespeare, Milton, Hugo, Dickens, Melville, Whitman, Dostoevsky, Dickinson, Twain, Kipling, Yeats, Proust, Frost and too many other to mention) – all packaged in a single 1100 page volume!

As much as this blog entry advocates for speaking out in a positive way, it was a quote by Publius in 35AD that I read in Familiar Quotations that reminded me that sometimes wisdom is best born in silence – especially when speaking out could hurt people:

“I have often regretted my speech, but never my silence“.

May you always know when it is time for you to speak up and when it is best to keep silent.