Wear the World Lightly

There is a story I heard once about two relatives who were attending the funeral services of a wealthy family member. One of them, with a greedy glint in his eyes, leans over and whispers; “how much did he leave?“. The other looks back and responds…”All of it“. The point of the story was that when our time comes, we don’t take any of our possessions with us.

St. Francis of Assisi, who was born into a wealthy noble family, left his life of possessions and privileges to start a monastery and live a life of simplicity. His advice to those who wanted to join him was to “Wear the world like a loose garment, which touches us in a few places and there but lightly”. 

St Francis Statue

The Alcoholic Anonymous organization adopted this teaching of St Francis and shortened it to the simple phrase: Wear the World Lightly. Their 12-step program for overcoming addiction uses lots of sayings to help people detach and overcome their addictions, phrases like: live and let live, let go and let God, turn it over, easy does it, and one day at a time.

All of these statements of detachment are not intended to send a message that we should be indifferent or dead to the world, or have no feelings at all. Rather their purpose is to teach people to face the world with a kind of mindful disengagement.

It is this “detachment with love” philosophy that can help motivate people to create a peaceful space within themselves, separated from the never-ending incoming arrows of uncertainty, fear, anger, and other painful events that plague our life. Practicing detachment helps people look past the daily shocks that occur, producing a change of attitude in the mind and a physical release in the body.

To wear the world as a loose garment is to acknowledge that the world and our life will always press at us and around us, but that it does not have to touch us but “lightly”. Most things are either outside our control or ultimately unimportant. 

We do not need to grasp, manage, dwell on or react to everything that happens to us. We can choose instead to keep the world at an emotional distance so we can stay focused on doing the next right thing. It is an attitude that can relax the body and relieve the mind of the poisonous emotions that overcome us when we are confronted by the people, places or things that beset us.

To be in the world but not of it, is to live and move through life without being emotionally attached to everything that happens. Life can get hard, but those who wear the world lightly learn how to live in the world with their hardships, neither fighting them nor being crushed by them.

St Francis was essentially encouraging us to not sweat the small stuff. To not get annoyed or depressed when life does not go your way or when you do not get what you want. When you have lived long enough you come to understand that most of the things that bother us are small potatoes. Even death apparently, which the Dalai Lama described as a simple change of clothes.

I’ve heard it said that the secret to happiness as we age “is to care less and less about more and more“. The wise elders I have been fortunate to know in my life carried that attitude with them; they tended to let fewer and fewer things bother them as they got older. It’s not because they didn’t care, most likely it was just that they discovered through their life experience that it is possible to walk away, without anger or agitation, from some things they felt passionate about – and still live.

I happened across an on-line sermon about this same topic of wearing the world lightly by Bishop Robert Barron. From a spiritual point of view, Bishop Barron also believes that St Francis’ famous statement was an attempt to teach his followers about the importance of detachment – especially from the goods and achievements of the world.

Not because the world itself is bad – there are all kinds of good, true and beautiful things in the world – but because the things of the world are not the ultimate good and we are not meant to cling to them as though they were.

There are stories throughout the Bible about the futility of clinging on to earthly power, riches and glory. King Solomon is one of the greatest figures in the history of Israel from a standpoint of wealth and power. He was somebody who had it all; nobody was richer, nobody was more famous, nobody had richer palaces or clothes. But, as an old man, looking at all the possessions he has acquired over his lifetime, he says: “Vanity of vanities, all things are vanity!“.

The word vanity in Hebrew signifies something that is insubstantial and momentary, like wind or vapor or bubbles; something that is here for a brief time and then it is gone. Solomon has experienced everything: power, sensual pleasure, wisdom, honor and wealth. He has built up a reserve of wealth through his knowledge and skills and yet when he is gone, he must leave all his property to others who have not labored over it and do not deserve it.

It is not uncommon to hear complaints like this from men as they become old and infirm; “I gave my whole life to my business, I worked hard and I made a fortune. Now I’m an old man and I’m surrounded by ungrateful children and grand-children; and I’ve done all this work and yet these people are going to inherit all my wealth. What’s it all been about“?

If you live to be old enough, at some point, you finally come to realize that everything in this world has a quality of evanescence – it disappears and does not last. It is a good thing if you have been successful and built up a fortune – but it’s not going to last. Because you are going to fade away and it’s all going to go to somebody else.

Should we just be depressed then? Father Barron says no, not depressed, instead we should be detached. Our wealth, power, pleasure and the esteem of other people. It’s good. We should take it in and then let it go. We should enjoy it the way you enjoy a firework going off. Learn to live in the present moment, savoring what we can, but then letting it go.

Why? Because we come to realize that the truly good and beautiful things belong to a higher world. We can sense them in the good things of this world but none of our earthly things last and so if we cling to them, what happens is they disappear, they crumble as we try to grasp at them. Rather see them, appreciate them and then let them go.

We can get caught in an addictive pattern when we cling to the goods of the world. You worry about them so you say to yourself, oh no I better get more. Instead, we would be wise to remember the cautionary parable of the rich fool told by Jesus:

“The ground of a certain rich man brought forth abundantly. He reasoned within himself, saying, ‘What will I do, because I don’t have room to store my crops?’ He said, ‘This is what I will do. I will pull down my barns, and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. I will tell my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years. Take your ease, eat, drink, be merry.”‘ “But God said to him, ‘You fool, this very night your soul is required of you. The things which you have prepared— whose will they be?’

Luke 12:16-21

St Francis asks us to cultivate an attitude of detachment in our life. To stop clinging and hanging on to the things of the world. The more we cling to them, the more we become imprisoned by them. We’ll become bitter, angry , empty if our only focus is on the acquisition of ephemeral things. But if we practice the proper spiritual attitude of detachment and keep our eyes on the true and beautiful things that do not fade away then we will know how to handle the goods of the world as they come to us.

Fr Barron closes his sermon by emphasizing again that wealth in itself is not the problem. He points out that wealthy people can be saintly when they know how to use their wealth, how to wear it lightly and how to become generous with it. The only thing we take with us into the life to come is the quality of our love and what we’ve given away on earth. So, we should forget about trying to fill up our lives with bigger barns; true joy in life comes through building up our treasure in heaven.

The publication of this particular blog represents a milestone for me and the achievement of a goal I set for myself way back in 2013 when I posted my very first Words to Live By blog entry. I have been publishing this monthly blog for almost 10 years now and and have managed to author 100 different blog entries in that time.

I have attempted in this collection of postings to communicate ideas and philosophies that have helped me along the way and given my life direction and meaning. It has been a wonderful mental exercise for me and a labor of love that has helped me recognize things that make life interesting and wonderful. I hope my readers have discovered some of their own words to live by that will be of specific value to them in their own life.

In the spirit of “wearing the world lightly”, I plan to cut back on my blogging activities moving forward so that I am can devote more time focusing on doing the next right things in my life that will increase the quality of my love. I don’t plan to walk away from blogging completely though, as there are always more words to live by to be discovered and examined.

So, keep an eye out for the occasional future posting from me; and until then, may the blessings abound in your life.

The Life of the Dead is Placed in the Heart of the Living

My uncle Rheo served in the Navy during World War II, but he died prior to the creation of the National Veteran Cemeteries which are funded by the Department of Veteran Affairs to honor the men and women who have honorably served the United States during the nations wars. He ended up being buried in a single plot at his local town cemetery.

Three of his brothers (Roger, Romeo and Andrew) also served in the military, but because they died at a later date they were provided a full military funeral and no-charge burial at a Massachusetts Veterans Cemetery. This never seemed fair to our extended family, so this summer we initiated a process to have my Uncle Rheo disinterred from his burial location and moved to the Veteran’s Cemetery – where he could be laid to rest in the presence of his brothers and among his fellow servicemen.

Having written before about the important role my Uncle Rheo had in my life, the family asked me if I would speak at his memorial ceremony. I have included a copy of my eulogy for this much loved man below – I hope all my readers were blessed to grow up with a similar loving presence in their lives.

A Celebration of Life: Rheo Gilbert Meunier (1923 – 1984)

Rheo Gilbert Meunier (1923 – 1984)

I’m honored to stand up here today to speak about my beloved Uncle Rheo. I was only 24 years old when he died in 1984 but I can honestly say that not a week has gone by in the 37 years since he passed away when I haven’t thought about him.

He was a giant of a man in so many ways – someone who was bigger than life, blessed with an infectious smile and that big Meunier heart. I can just picture him now, beaming down at us, happy to see everyone gathered here today and happy to be resting with his brothers.

It was my good fortune that my mother chose her big brother Rheo to be my Godfather. Rheo was one of those rare Godparents who took his role seriously. His relationship with me did not end after the baptism ceremony – it was only starting. He became an important part of my life and a model to me of Christian living, showing me by his words, actions and friendship what it meant to be a good man.

He packed a lot of living into his shortened life, growing up on a small family farm with his 5 brothers and two sisters during the hard days of the Great Depression. His formal education ended when he was 12, cut short so he could stay home to help his father run the farm. He grew into a strong, handsome and strapping young man from all his strenuous labor.

He was part of the Greatest Generation, enlisting in the Navy in 1942 when he was just 19 years old and serving four years fighting for his country during World War II; seeing action in the North Atlantic and doing tours patrolling the Suez Canal and the Russian coast.

When he returned from the war, he was able to land a good job working as an electrical lineman. He ended up working at the Municipal Light Company in Templeton for 36 years – rising through the ranks to the position of Foreman.

He was a victim of a freak accident while working on the job early in his career. He was strapped high on a telephone pole trying to repair a downed wire when the pole snapped in half crashing to the ground with Rheo still attached.

It was a testament to his strength and determination that he managed to survive that tragic event. He slowly recovered his strength and regained much of his athleticism – however he did suffer some permanent internal damage to his body that would bother him throughout his life.

But it was not in his nature to complain about his bad luck or to let unfortunate circumstances dampen his spirits. He was a glass half-full kind of guy; someone who always saw the sunny side of life. Despite his situation we always saw him smiling, laughing, energetic and full of life.

He was a man of action with plenty of money to buy toys like convertible sport cars, motorcycles, cabin cruiser boats and snowmobiles; and to take skiing vacations in the Swiss Alps, scuba diving excursions in Hawaii, fishing expeditions to Cape Cod and river rafting & hiking adventures in Colorado.

Despite his James Bond lifestyle that we envied so much he always had time to spend with his extended family. He made it a point to visit with each of his seven siblings every few weeks just to stay in touch with their lives and to show interest in the activities of his 34 nephews and nieces.

I always thought it was a shame he didn’t have a family of his own, but as I look back on it now, I realize he actually had the biggest family of us all. He often said that he loved his nephews and nieces so much, he didn’t feel the need to have children of his own.

And his nephews and nieces adored him too. Looking forward to his visits when he would tell them interesting stories about his exotic travels, share with them his talent for yodeling or take them on exciting adventures and outings.

He would also generously volunteer to lend a hand whenever friends or family needed help. I remember him coming to our house one day when I was a young boy to help install electrical wiring at our house.

I shadowed him while he went about his work and while he patiently explained to me what he was doing and showing me all the tools he was using and how they worked. I was fascinated and think the experience kindled in me my interest in electricity and electronics which later led to my career as an engineer.

When his father passed away, Rheo became the primary caretaker of his mother. Rheo agreed to live with her, support her and take care of her so that she could continue to stay in the home she so loved.

In his 60th year he suffered a tragic series of events that contributed to his death from a sudden and massive heart attack. The first event occurred near Christmas in 1983. While he was out working late at night helping to restore power outages in the town, his Mother accidentally started a fire while trying to cook a ham for the family holiday dinner. His mother perished while trying to put out the fire and Rheo lost his mother, his home and most of his earthly possessions that night.

Then, in the space of two months’ time, Rheo’s brother-in-law passed away, his best friend lost his business to a fire and the Camp he owned was destroyed. The stress and grief were too much for his heart to take and led to his fatal heart attack in March of 1984.

The packed Church and military honors bestowed on him at his funeral showed how he was loved and respected by his community and family. I was honored to be one of the pallbearers selected to carry his casket; along with seven of his other beloved nephews.

Although he was a religious man and regularly attended Sunday Services at his local church, he never lectured me about religion or preached to me about God. I did learn, however, so much about morality from what I saw him do.

Whenever he saw me, he would make it a point to sit with me, look into my eyes and take a genuine interest in learning about what was happening in my life. On my birthdays he would give me a card and some money or a cool gift; on Easter he would give me my own chocolate bunny to enjoy; for my 1^st Communion he gave me a Savings Bond.

Beyond that, he would go out of his way to spend time with me during the year. Rides in his convertible car with the top down to get ice cream, snowmobile rides through his snowy woods and ocean fishing trips in his cabin cruiser boat. He was a perfect role model for a young boy growing up and learning about the world

And not just me! The funny thing is that, at the time, I thought I was special, but listening to everybody’s remembrances of Rheo after he was gone made me realize that he did these kinds of things for everybody – he had that quality that made everyone feel special!

Even in death, his generous spirit was still being revealed as he left money in his will for all of his brothers and sisters. My parents were grateful that they were able to invest the inheritance they received from him to help them in their later years.

One of the most precious gifts I ever received was Rheo’s gold Swiss watch – which my mother was able to obtain and give to me after he passed away. I treasured that watch for many years and would always wear it on special occasions and think of him.

I decided to give this watch as a gift to my sister Linda’s son Rheo (who was named after his Great Uncle) when he celebrated his sacrament of Confirmation because I could see in him a glimmer of the same spirit that drove his namesake great uncle.

Emily Dickinson, the writer, once wrote the words: “Of our greatest acts we are ignorant” to a friend of hers who was unaware that his interest and encouragement in her work had saved her life.  I don’t think my Uncle Rheo ever thought he was doing any great acts for me and he was probably unaware of the positive impact he had on my life.

I regret that because of his sudden death I never got the opportunity to tell him about the great acts he did for me, how important he was in my life and how grateful I was for all that I had learned from him.

I guess it is a lesson for us all to take the time while we still can to tell the people we love how much they mean to us and; like Rheo, to be a similar loving presence touching the lives of the people in our life in a positive way.

There is a saying that the life of the dead is placed in the heart of the living and I like to think that Rheo is still with us in a way. I see glimpses of him in the wide Meunier clan. A little bit of him lives on in each one of us who knew him; and through us, I think a little bit of him has also been passed on to the next generation too.

So, let’s celebrate the memory of Rheo Meunier, for his well lived life, for the loving spirit he brought to the world and for all the good deeds he did. Today we remember and honor his legacy as we welcome him to his final resting place.

A Prayer of Benediction for Rheo Meunier

Eternal God and Father, we praise you that you have made people to share life together and to reflect your glory in the world. We thank you especially now for our beloved brother, uncle and friend; Rheo Meunier whom we come here to remember today, for all that we saw in him of your goodness and love during his life and for all that he has meant to us.

Grant, O Lord that Rheo may sleep in eternal peace here in his new resting place. May it be a place of solace, of peaceful rest and glorious light. May he see your face and know the splendor of God and may his soul live in unending fellowship with you.

We ask this through Christ our Lord, Amen

To err is human; to forgive Divine

In keeping with the spirit of the Holiday Season, at this time of year I look to post uplifting topics about hope and redemption. This year I would like to write a few words in praise of Bill Buckner.

For those of you unfamiliar with Bill Buckner, he was an All-Star Major League Baseball player and one of the game’s great underrated hitters. He finished seven seasons of a 22 year career with better than a .300 average, compiled 2715 hits (more than either Joe DiMaggio or Ted Williams) and won the 1980 American League batting title.

I happened to be at a Red Sox baseball game this summer with my wife when the Public Address announcer informed the crowd that Bill Buckner had passed away. The fans respectfully cheered while the team played a montage video of Bill on the center field scoreboard, but I was thinking how unfortunate it was that Bill would probably not be remembered for his career of excellent play, but instead for the one notable error he was unlucky enough to make on the world’s biggest stage.

The stage was Game 6 of the 1986 World Series, the Boston Red Sox against the New York Mets. The Red Sox were 1 out away from clinching the title when the Mets rallied from a two run deficit.

The 36 year old Buckner – hobbled by bum ankles and knees – was playing first base for Boston when Mookie Wilson hit a weak ground ball to him – a ball he would normally field successfully 99 times out of a 100. But in this instance the ball somehow eluded Buckner’s glove and bounced past him into the outfield. The Mets scored the winning run completing a stunning come from behind victory.

The Fateful Error

The deflated Red Sox went on to lose game 7 and frustrated Sox fans everywhere – who had been suffering from a championship drought since 1918 – made Buckner the scapegoat for the team’s failure. They focused on the error; forgetting all about Buckner’s key contributions to the team during Boston’s crucial September playoff run when he carried the team, batting a stellar .340 and hitting eight home runs.

Buckner’s error became one of the most infamous plays in baseball history. Replays of the error with announcer Vin Scully shouting “It gets through Buckner!” were played constantly on the television. The headlines in the Boston newspaper screamed “Buckner Boots Big Grounder“. He was the scourge of Boston sports for a lengthy period of time.

Buckner’s career and life changed in an instant. The fans and media piled on – branding him as the guy who missed the ground ball. Buckner received death threats and one reporter allegedly called Buckner’s wife to ask her if he was contemplating suicide. In the immediate aftermath of the heartbreaking error and painful loss, I too became part of the mob cursing the name of Bill Buckner.

The taunting reminders of that muffed grounder battered Buckner so relentlessly that he eventually chose to relocate away from the rage in New England to an isolated ranch in Idaho where he could find some peace. His family, he said, “didn’t like to see how people were treating me.“

The magazine editor William Falk met Buckner ten years after the 1986 series and he remembers Buckner stiffening when he introduced himself as a reporter from New York. He could still glimpse the old hurt in Buckner’s eyes which quickly became hard and challenging. He was glad to see the reporter go.

Why was Buckner alone assigned the blame when so many others contributed as much or more to the Red Sox defeat? Buckner’s miscue marked the unkindest bounce of fate, a most improbable error sustained by a good and admired man at the worst possible moment.

As a man of faith Bill must have wondered what God had wrought – to have to live out his life being defined by the worst five seconds he ever experienced. His wife said a lesser man would have crumbled under the things that he had to endure.

Gradually Buckner learned to live with his mistake and even come to laugh at it. He wondered if it was part of some mysterious plan that could somehow be used as a life lesson for others experiencing misfortune in their life. Buckner said, “I was a little bitter over it for a long time, because I didn’t think I deserved it, … but then I’ve had a lot of people call me and thank me for giving them directions to make it through — and that’s a good thing.”

I read recently that there are at least three things it is good to forget. First is past accomplishments because out of success too often comes complacency and contentment that lull the mind. Second, it is good to forget our hurts because if we just dwell on our bitterness we will accomplish little. Finally, it is good to forget our failures because all of us make mistakes and sometimes we do not succeed even when we’ve worked hard and given something our best shot.

With time comes wisdom, compassion and perspective. Many Red Sox fans eventually came to realize how unfairly they had treated Bill Buckner. In recent years sportswriters began publishing articles about how the Boston fans had finally come to forgive him – especially after the team finally broke the 86 year championship drought by capturing World Series titles in 2004 and 2007.

In my opinion Bill Buckner never needed to seek forgiveness. He didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t purposely miss the ball. He was trying his very best. Errors like that happen every day in baseball… and in life. It is those of us who treated Bill so uncharitably for so many years who should ask for forgiveness.

In 2008, 22 years after the fateful error, the Red Sox invited Bill Buckner back to Fenway Park for the celebration of the 2007 Championship. When he walked out to the mound to throw out the game’s ceremonial first pitch, the players and fans gave him a moving two minute standing ovation. Buckner’s eyes grew wet with tears. I remember watching the scene with tears in my eyes too – hoping that Bill had found it in his heart to forgive us.

Red Sox Fans Cheer Buckner’s Return, 2008

“Glad I came“, said Buckner after the game, “I really had to forgive, not the fans of Boston, per se, but I would have to say in my heart I had to forgive the media. For what they put me and my family through. So, you know, I’ve done that and I’m over that.”

Terry Francona, former Red Sox manager who was visiting the park that day said “I thought it was kind of a healing moment, it seemed, for a lot of people and for him, I hope”.

Bill Buckner died at the age of 69 after a long battle with Lewy body dementia – another cruel twist of fate that crippled the once great athlete with cognitive and movement problems. But he accepted it with grace.

On learning the news of Bill Buckner’s death Red Sox principal owner John Henry said: “We are proud that Bill Buckner wore a Red Sox jersey during the course of a terrific career that spanned more than two decades. His life was defined by perseverance, resilience, and an insatiable will to win. Those are the traits for which he will be most remembered.”

Mookie Wilson, the Mets baseball player who hit the fateful ground ball back in 1986, wrote: “I was saddened to hear about Bill’s death. He was a good teammate and a solid family man. We had developed a friendship that lasted well over 30 years. I felt badly for some of the things he went through. Bill was a great great baseball player whose legacy should not be defined by one play.”

Here’s wishing you all the generosity and goodwill of the Christmas season – may we all have the strength, resilience and perseverence of Bill Buckner when things in life don’t go our way and may we never forget that heavenly maxim “To err is human; to forgive, Divine“.

House of Broken Dreams…

One day while surfing through the Bob Dylan web site I came across a letter that was sent to Bob by one of his musician friends, Roland Janes. Roland was a regular sessions guitarist who worked at the legendary Sun Records in the 50’s and 60’s – helping to fuel the energy behind the early Rockabilly hits of Jerry Lee Lewis, Billy Riley, Barbara Pittman, Charlie Rich and many others.

Roland left Sun Records in 1963 but continued to work in the music industry as a producer, engineer and teacher of recording techniques. He died of a heart attack in 2013 at the age of 80 and was elected to the Memphis Music Hall of Fame.

During one of Bob Dylan’s Memphis recording sessions, Bob struck up a friendship with Roland and stayed in touch with him throughout the years. Bob was especially moved when Roland sent him a story he wrote titled “House of Broken Dreams“.

In the spirit of the Christmas season, I have replicated Roland’s beautiful story below.  I am glad to share it with all my readers – hoping that we will all follow in the footsteps of Mr Oscar and find a way to be kind, forgiving, generous and compassionate to the people who cross our path in life who need it most. I wish you all a merry and blessed Christmas.

“HOUSE OF BROKEN DREAM’S”
By: Roland Janes
Christmas 2011

In my younger day’s I fancied myself to be a fine guitar player and singer. In fact I finally caught hold of the brass ring and had a pretty good career as an all around musician, singer, and songwriter. Although I never made it to the top, I enjoyed limited fame and fortune. I rubbed shoulders, and performed on the same stage with some of the greatest.

Of all the great memories of back in the day, my most treasured is the memory of my very first professional experiences. Along with another aspiring talented young steel guitar player, we rented a sleeping room upstairs over a pawnshop called “THE HOUSE OF BROKEN DREAMS”.

The pawnshop owner was a kindly old gentleman named Mr. Oscar. Mr. Oscar catered to people of all descriptions who were down on their luck. Some were self medicating drug addicts, some were musician’s while others were simply having a run of bad luck due to various reasons, such as unemployment, under employment, broken relationships etc.

My friend and I were barely surviving by performing in a run down bar for five dollars a night, plus tips and as an extra bonus, four drinks free. Fortunately neither of us took advantage of the free drinks so we were able to garner a fairly good amount of tips.

The real story and what created such a vivid and long lasting memory for me was the sadness I felt for the folk’s who were forced to swallow their pride and come to “THE HOUSE OF BROKEN DREAMS” for some much needed relief.

I was amazed to learn from Mr. Oscar the number and description of the enormous quantity of valuable items he had in stock. A great many were musical instruments, plus televisions, typewriters, tools, jewelry including wedding rings, engagement rings and class rings. One unfortunate soul had even pawned his family bible which had been passed down from generation to generation and included his family history from many years back.

Being the wonderful man he was, Mr. Oscar held each pawned item well beyond the expiration date allowing each person every opportunity to reclaim their prized possession. Some did, while many did not. As time passed my friend and I moved on in separate directions while Mr. Oscar and his thousands of pawned items remained.

As you might imagine, kindly old Mr. Oscar was well known and respected in the music community and had at one time or another been benefactor to many who had later attained stardom. His name came up quite often during conversation among his many music friends. It seemed that Mr. Oscar had no living relatives as most of his family had been victims of the Holocaust of the 1930’s and beyond.

The many customers who patronized his “HOUSE OF BROKEN DREAMS” were his adopted family. Therefore when he passed from this life on a snowy Christmas Eve, it came as no surprise to anyone when it was discovered that on each pawn ticket he had handwritten these words, “paid in full, to be returned to their rightful owner’s“.

To no ones surprise the funeral procession stretched for miles as friends came from far and wide to pay their final respects to this gentle man. On his tombstone were written these words;

DEAR MR. OSCAR HAS VACATED HIS “HOUSE OF BROKEN DREAMS” FOR HIS BEAUTIFUL MANSION IN THE SKY

What a wonderful gesture from this kindly old gentleman. Wouldn’t it be nice if each of us could follow his lead and grant a kind deed, or forgive and forget a past wrong done to us, or ask for forgiveness for something we said or did to someone? I know that I’m going to do this, so won’t you join me and from this day forward let’s all do our best to follow this great man’s lead and practice the teachings of the good book by doing unto others as we would have them do unto us.

In closing, let me wish a Merry Christmas to one and all and to all, A GREAT LIFE.

With much love and respect;

Roland Janes

Going Inside to Greet the Light

This month’s blog will be brief because I have not had much time for contemplation or reflecting on the examined life.  My former employee has commissioned me to work on a software project with a tight deadline that has occupied most of my waking and sleeping thoughts.

I must admit, though, that it has been a good experience to get my hands busy coding and my mind devising algorithms again. I’m happy that it is all coming back to me after 14 months away. There is something to be said about the restorative benefits the mind and spirit derives from doing productive and useful work.

However, one of the things that I have sacrificed over the last few weeks in order to get this work done is meditation. I started practicing meditation a couple of years ago and recently took an online class on Mindfulness Meditation that helped expand the practice for me.

The Quaker community characterized Meditation as “going inside to greet the light“, and my time spent going inside has helped me to better live in the moment, to see events and situations as transitory in nature and to let go of the things that typically bothered me in the past.

One of the meditation exercises in the Buddhist tradition is called the “Five Remembrances“. It calls for contemplating the five statements shown below during the meditation session:

 

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The Five Remembrances

1.  I am subject to aging; aging is unavoidable

2. I am subject to illness; illness is unavoidable

3. I am subject to death; death is unavoidable

4. I will be parted from everyone and everything that is dear to me; there is no way to escape being separated from them

5. Whatever I do, for good or for ill, that I will reap  

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I find that meditating on these five remembrances is a very grounding experience for me. It brings to the forefront things like the impermanence of life that most people tend to block out of their daily consciousness – and it helps me to consider that all my actions will live on in some way and have ripple effects in the world.

Some people believe that meditating on these subjects is too gloomy and depressing, but for me the practice leads me away from denial towards acceptance, increases my gratitude and appreciation for the life I have been given, and teaches me about the freeing power of detachment and generosity. It helps me to look at the world with new eyes, be fully present with my loved ones and make sure they know how special they are to me.

Once the reality of impermanence is accepted, you begin to realize that time spent struggling and fighting against unavoidable events are causes of suffering – and only letting go allows you fully celebrate every moment of life. After all, the problem is not that things change, but that we try to live as if they don’t.

Here’s hoping that you find the light inside of you…

“I’ve been up so long, it looks like down to me”

I was listening to a Randy Newman recording when this phrase caught my attention. It is a twist on the phrase “I’ve been down so long, it looks like up to me” that was the title of a Richard Farina 1965 novel and was first used in the Furry Lewis’ 1920’s era blues song “I will turn your money green”.

The original phrase is meant to convey the hopeful attitude of those who are down and have had to struggle through life for any number of reasons, including their socioeconomic status; the place where they were born; their lack of access to education and healthcare; their abusive or dysfunctional families; their addictions; their mental or physical disabilities; and their lack of opportunities.

Despite their less than desirable circumstances, many in this class of downtrodden people manage to live an uplifting life, grateful for small blessings and trying to live with a positive outlook despite their tough circumstances.

In typical Randy Newman fashion, he employs a clever twist, exchanging the location of only two words in the phrase to convey an opposite downcast attitude displayed by many fortunate people; those who have been born into good circumstances with all the advantages that come with belonging to a wealthy and material rich society.

Despite all they have going for them, many of this fortunate class of people do not recognize how good they have it. They can’t picture themselves walking in the shoes of someone who is more unfortunate than them; yet they have no trouble imagining how great life would be to walk in the shoes of those who have more than they do – and instead of appreciating all that they have, they become envious of what they don’t have.

It is human nature I guess to take for granted all the good things that we have – and all the bad things we don’t have. It seems like we forget to be thankful and feel entitled to the good things we have – we can’t imagine what it would be like to go without all the best things that life has to offer.

Researchers have shown that affluent people are less generous and display less empathy for those who are poorer than they are. An April 2012 article in the magazine Scientific American reported the results of several studies that found as riches grow, empathy and generosity toward less affluent individuals decline, along with compassion for others. The researchers suspect that the reason may have something to do with how wealth and abundance give us a sense of freedom and independence from others. The less we have to rely on others, the less we may care about their feelings.

To help counteract this tendency, it is useful for those who are well off to consider these facts about world poverty from GlobalIssues.org:

• Almost half the world — over three billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day.
• 22,000 children die each day due to poverty.
• About 72 million children of primary school age in the developing world were not in school in 2005; 57 per cent of them were girls.
• Nearly a billion people entered the 21st century unable to read a book or sign their names.
• Some 1.1 billion people in developing countries have inadequate access to water, and 2.6 billion lack basic sanitation.
• Every year there are 350–500 million cases of malaria, with 1 million fatalities.
• 2.2 million children die each year because they are not immunized.
• 1.6 billion people — a quarter of humanity — live without electricity.
• More than 1 in 100 adults in the United States are in prison, and more than 9 in 100 black males are incarcerated.
• Every year an average of 33,000 people die from gunshot wounds in the United States.

I have been guilty at times of failing to recognize my own good fortune and the incredible advantages I have been given compared to those who must struggle through life. I had the benefit of being born in a politically stable developed country, to parents who loved me, with good public and private schools, an excellent health care system and the opportunity to attend college rather than fight in a war.Because of these advantages I was enabled to reach my full potential.

I live in a house that I never could have dreamed owning when I was a kid, I drive a new car, enjoy the latest technological gadgets and am preparing for an early retirement in the near future. It is difficult for me to relate to the millions of refugees who are fleeing their war torn countries with just the clothes on their backs, or the struggling single mothers working 2 or 3 minimum wage jobs just to provide the basic necessities of life to their children.

I marvel at stories my Mother tells me about my grandparents, who were immigrant farmers from Canada who raised eight kids during the Great Depression. My Grandmother would not eat when there was not enough food, so that all the children would have something to eat – my mother would dig in the snow under the apple tree hoping to find some frozen apples to quench her hunger. Their family house burned down and they lost all their belongings and had to start from scratch.

My parents who only received a basic education, also managed to raise eight children by working multiple jobs, bringing in additional food and income when they could by living off the land, and living a frugal lifestyle.

Still, I sometime forget my family roots and the struggles they had to overcome, and it bothers me when I find myself complaining about some event in my personal or work life that is trivial compared to the challenges billions of people must face every day and the struggles those in my own family had to overcome in the past.

Here is some advice for those of you who want to avoid becoming afflicted with that  “I’ve been up so long, it looks like down to me” attitude:

• Start a gratitude journal to remind yourself every day how good you have it and how somebody always has it worst than you do.
• Try to interact with or read about people who travel in different socioeconomic circles than you do. It can be centering to see life through the eyes of someone else.
• Live a simple life and avoid the sin of comparison. Be happy with what you have. Don’t think yourself superior in some way because you have more than someone else – or become envious because someone has more than you do.

“The harder the life, the finer the person”

Wilfred Thesinger was a British explorer, photographer and travel writer who wrote several books in the 1950’s and 60’s about his experience living with the desert peoples of Arabia. He was once interviewed by the famous naturalist David Attenborough, who asked him if he thought the hardship and suffering of the desert peoples instilled in them a sense of nobility.

Thesiger responded:

“I think the harder the life, the finer the person, yes, and I certainly felt this way about the Bedu [desert peoples]. When I went there, I felt that the difficulty was going to be living up physically to the hardships of their life. But, on the contrary, it was the difficulty of meeting their high standards: their generosity, their patience, their loyalty, their courage and all these things. And they had a quality of nobility. In the desert I found a freedom unattainable in civilization; a life unhampered by possessions’…. I shall always remember how I was humbled by those illiterate herdsmen who possessed, in so much greater measure than I, generosity and courage, endurance, patience and lighthearted gallantry.”

Salim bin Ghabaisha, seated on a camel

Thesinger’s observation is something that I too have noticed during my life’s interactions with other people. In general, it seems that those who come from humble beginnings and who suffer hardships while growing up, have the personal qualities that I have come to admire most – qualities of self-reliance, resilience, gratitude, empathy and humility.

My mother’s parents were poor immigrant farmers who moved from Canada to the United States in the early 1900’s. She was the seventh of eight children and she had to quit school after the 8th grade so that she could help out with the farm work. I remember her telling stories about hard times when her Mother would not eat because there wasn’t enough food to go around and how they would dig through the winter snow under the Apple trees to see if there might be some frozen apples left on the ground that they could eat.

Yet my mother became a remarkable woman with a big heart that was full of life, love, and intelligence. I often wonder how far she would have gone and how different her life would have been if she were allowed to finish her education and capitalize on all her gifts. Like her mother, she too raised a family of eight children, experiencing hardship at times without complaint; instead thanking God every day for a loving husband, healthy children, food on the table and a roof over their heads.

I consider it a blessing that I came from this large lower middle-class family. My father had to work two jobs at times to make ends meet and so my mother could stay home with the kids. I worked from the time I was 10 in various part time jobs and learned from an early age the value of a work ethic and delayed gratification. I was content with the used clothes and toys that were handed down to me by my brothers and sisters.

I have the sense that children of privilege often grow up with qualities that are less admirable – qualities like arrogance, self-importance, selfishness, pride and feelings of entitlement. It must be a particularly difficult task for powerful and wealthy parents to raise happy and well-adjusted children and I give credit to wealthy parents like Bill and Melinda Gates, who came from humble beginnings, made it on their own, and have decided to leave their considerable fortune to their charitable foundation rather than their children.

Even though my upbringing was poor in material things, it was rich with love and affection. My parents treated each of their children with dignity and respect. Some children are not so fortunate and are raised under conditions where they are not loved, respected or treated with dignity. Instead they are treated like property whose lives the parents or caretakers can control and abuse as they see fit. Being raised under these conditions must be very difficult and I wonder how it is possible to overcome that type of hardship and turn into a fine person.

Many do not overcome it – but a remarkable few somehow find a way to use their negative childhood experiences as a catalyst for building a positive new life. There are precious people in my life who were physically and verbally abused as children and were raised in a controlling environment that did not nourish their individuality or self-esteem. Yet somehow, through the grace of God, they escaped their family dysfunction and developed into generous, loving, supportive, and kind people.

When I ask them how they managed such a miraculous feat they tell me about a grandmother; or an aunt; or a sibling; or a teacher that was a light to them in the darkness of their life and who threw them a lifeline at those times when they needed it most. These good people helped them to understand that they could be better than their parents and instilled in them the determination to succeed despite their difficult childhood.

Reflecting on this makes me realize that each of us has opportunities in our life to be a beacon of light to someone going through hard times and we ought to be on the lookout for those going through hardship that need us to throw them a lifeline. If we all did that who knows how many more children could overcome their broken families and go on to lead successful lives.

So, if you have had a hard life, be grateful – that probably means you are a fine person. And if you have led a life of privilege, try to use whatever power and influence you have collected to make life a little better for those that are less fortunate. You just might, like Wilfred Helsiger, discover a freedom that is unobtainable when life is focused only on the self and material possessions.