Most people who stare at the image below will believe the dark oval in the middle is growing larger. But, believe it or not, it is just an illusion – a static image.
According to a study published in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, this illusion has something to teach us about how our brains and eyes collaborate to see the world. Researchers tested the illusion on 50 men and women with normal vision and found that those participants who had eyes with the strongest pupil dilation response had the greatest response to the illusion; while those with poor dilation response could not see it.
The pupils in the human eye are designed to automatically adjust to the surrounding light, dilating when it is dark so they can capture more light, and constricting when it is bright to prevent overexposure. Even though the hole in this illusion is not darkening, the perception or expectation in our mind that it should be darkening is enough to make our pupils respond.
Bruno Laeng, a psychology professor at the University of Oslo and an author of the study, says: “There is no reason that the pupil should change [while looking at this image], because nothing is changing in the viewers world, but something clearly has changed inside the mind.”
The researchers hypothesize that the illusion is deceiving because the gradient on the central hole makes it look to the viewer as if they are entering a dark hole or tunnel, which prompts the participants’ pupils to dilate. Our brains are making assumptions about what it sees based on past experience and is trying to predict and prepare our senses for what it thinks will happen next.
It takes time for light to reach our sensory organs and send the image to our brain. The brain then takes more time to process the image, make sense of it, and decide what actions to take based on the collected information. By the time our brain catches up with the present, time has already moved forward, and the user’s environment has most likely changed.
To minimize this image collection and processing delay, the brain may be constantly trying to predict a little bit into the future so that it can better perceive the present. Being fooled by this expanding hole illusion is not a flaw of the human species, but a feature. It is most likely built up from evolutionary history to help humanity survive.
The information we get from our senses is spotty and incomplete, so the brain has evolved over time to try to guess what is happening in the uncertain and ever-changing world – and to make decisions based on what is most likely to happen next.
People who possessed brains with the best ability to adapt and predict what is happening at any given moment most likely had an advantage over those that lacked the capacity to adapt. When the illusion image is communicated to the brain, it anticipates that the body will soon be entering a dark place and it responds by telling the pupils to begin dilating (so the body will be able to react sooner in case there is danger lurking inside that black hole).
Researchers tell us that everything we perceive is inconsistent with the physical reality of the world. It is not just that the information taken in by our senses can be misunderstood, it is also that there is a universe of information available in the physical world that is imperceptible to the human senses.
Consider light itself. The light our human eyes can detect is only a sliver of the total amount of light that’s out there. The 0.0035% of the electromagnetic spectrum we can see is referred to as visible light, but the other 99.9% percent of the spectrum consisting of radio waves, microwaves, infrared radiation, ultraviolet rays, X-rays and gamma rays are all undetectable by our eyes.
Electromagnetic Light Spectrum
Humans have cone-shaped cells in our eyes that act as receivers specifically tuned to the wavelengths in the narrow visible light band of the spectrum. Other portions of the spectrum have wavelengths too large or too small and energetic for the biological limitations of our perception.
Evolution has not endowed us with the ability to see beyond the visible region of the electromagnetic spectrum; although it is possible to feel infrared radiation as heat and employ other parts of the electromagnetic spectrum for practical uses, such as X-Ray medical imaging.
But we carry on with our lives, oblivious to the huge spectrum of electromagnetic waves present all around us. Humans have managed to survive and reproduce despite our limited view. It’s a good thing that visible light was adequate to help our ancestors detect predators that would do them harm.
But imagine if our eyes were able to detect other parts of the electromagnetic spectrum — our universe would be unrecognizable. We could glean so much more visual information if we were able to see in the radio, infrared or even X-ray regions of the electromagnetic spectrum.
Bees and butterflies are examples of organisms that can detect Ultraviolet radiation. Some flowers have special markings that can only be seen in UV light. Bee and Butterfly eyes are able to view this electromagnetic radiation like lights on an airport runway, to find their way to the flower’s nectar. Snakes have special sensory organs on the front of their heads that let them ‘see’ infrared waves, which they put to use with particular effectiveness when hunting for warm-blooded prey.
Consider our sense of sound. Humans can detect sounds in a frequency range from about 20 Hz to 20 kHz, though the upper limit in average adults is closer to 15–17 kHz (because humans lose some high-frequency sensitivity as they mature).
That range of sounds allows humans to hear many of the sounds produced in nature, but not all. Any frequency that is below the human range is known as infrasound. It is so low that it may be detected only by a creature with big ears, such as an Elephant or by specialized instruments designed by scientists to detect the low frequency sounds that precede avalanches and earthquakes. Any frequency that is above the human frequency range is known as ultrasound. Bats and Dolphins use ultrasound frequencies as high as 200,000 Hz to help them navigate via echolocation.
Most dogs can hear sound frequencies as high as 47,000 to 65,000 Hz which is far too high-pitched for humans to hear. That is why dogs can be trained to detect when their owner is about to experience a seizure. Dogs ears are also much more sensitive to loud sounds than ours, which is probably why fireworks, thunderstorms and vacuum cleaners send them scurrying for cover.
Consider our sense of smell. Humans have 396 olfactory receptors which are employed to help us pick up scents. Almost all animals, however, have a larger number of olfactory receptors than humans (rabbits have 768 olfactory receptors) which provides them with an excellent ability to smell.
Among the animals with the greatest sense of smell are bears whose sense of smell is 300 times better than humans and is capable of detecting a deceased animal from up to 20 miles away; elephants who can smell water sources from up to 12 miles away; sharks who can smell the presence of a drop of blood in almost 100 liters of water; and bloodhounds whose sense of smell is 2,100 times better than that of a human’s and can detect trace amounts of drugs and explosives inside packages.
When you consider all these blind spots in our senses, it is obvious that humans live in a world in which many sights, sounds and smells exist that are beyond the ability of our limited senses to detect; and those that we can detect can be compromised by our overactive minds. It’s enough to make you think that all human perception is, fundamentally, just an illusion; or as Bob Dylan keenly observed “All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie“.
It could well be that we are each living in our own virtual reality world, bound by the limitations of our physical senses and the tricks employed by our minds. Dr Laeng believes we each do live in a virtual reality world. Much of what we see is an illusion, but we are not really being tricked – he believes the visual illusions help to reveal the mismatches between what our eyes see and what our mind’s eye thinks is happening.
So what lessons can we take away about how to live our lives knowing the limits of our senses and the tendency of our brains to trick us into seeing what it wants us to see.
One lesson is that we should remind ourselves that things are not always what they appear. It is possible for two people to witness the same event but still give contradictory descriptions of what they saw; even though they are certain their description of events are true. Knowing that our eyes are susceptible to being tricked should make the criminal justice system wary of judging guilt based solely on the testimony of eye-witnesses.
Another lesson is to be careful of letting our minds be swayed by our pre-conceived biases and political opinions. If we each live in our own virtual worlds then we need to be careful of falling into the trap of accepting information that matches our biases and opinions while discarding facts that don’t. If more people were careful to seek out an objective, agreed-upon, reality then maybe there would be less disagreement and discord in today’s society.
Finally, we should all be humbled and filled with wonder knowing that what our senses reveal to us is only a small portion of the great wide-world we live in. There is a whole universe out there beyond our human senses – a twilight zone if you will, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of the mind, one where there is so much more for us to discover.
The picture of human nature painted by Princeton Professor and science journalist Robert Wright in his book “The Moral Animal: Why we are the Way We Are – the New Science of Evolutionary Psychology” is not a very flattering one.
According to Wright, the human animal spends its life desperately seeking status because we crave social esteem and the feel-good biological chemicals that flood our bodies when we impress people.
Though we claim to be independent thinkers who hold fast to our moral values no matter what the consequences, the reality is that we become self-promoters and social climbers when it serves our interest.
What generosity and affection we bestow on others has a narrow underlying purpose, aimed at the people who either share our genes or who can help us package our genes for shipment to the next generation.
We forge relationships and do good deeds for people who are likely to return our favors. We overlook the flaws of our friends and magnify the flaws of our friend’s enemies. We especially value the affection of high status people and judge them more leniently than strangers. Fondness for our friends tends to wane when their status slips, or if it fails to rise as much of our own and we justify this by thinking “He and I don’t have as much in common as we used to“.
Wright says that we do all these things, mostly unconsciously, because of the evolutionary roots of human behavior that have been passed down throughout the 2 million year evolution of the human species – these behaviors are programmed into our genetic molecules.
The book explores many aspects of everyday life while looking through the lens of evolutionary biology. It borrows extensively from Charles Darwin’s better-known publications (including On the Origin of Species) to provide evolutionary explanations for the behaviors that drive human social dynamics.
Below are just a sample of the provocative questions Wright tackles in his book:
Why are humans more monogamous than other animals?
The birth cycle of the human species, unlike most animals, takes a long time. Human mothers carry their babies for 9 months and their children require years of caring and development before they are capable of living independently.
Due to the long birth cycle, women only have a limited number of chances to pass on their genes to the next generation (about a dozen or so during their lifetime). Men, on the other hand, have unlimited chances to pass on their genes given enough supply of women.
From a male evolutionary point of view it makes sense that their genetic drive would be to have sex with as many females as possible. However, this is not in the best interest of the female. To increase the chances of survival, and the well being of her children, it was in the female’s best interest to select male partners who were high in a genetic trait that Wright calls “Male Parental Investment“. Men with high parental investment traits have loyalty characteristics that make them more likely to invest in a monogamous relationship with a single woman and their children.
Men who women perceived were more likely to stick around after their baby was born became more appealing to women and therefore more likely to successfully mate with them. As a result of this preference by females, the trait for high male parental investment evolved over time to become more genetically prominent in men across thousands of generations.
Why is a wife’s infidelity more likely to break up a marriage than a husband’s?
Jealousy is a natural emotion for human beings, but a 1982 experiment which asked participants to picture their partner either having sex with another person or forming a close emotional bond surprisingly showed that men and women experience jealousy very differently.
For the men, picturing their mate having sex with another person led to feelings of intense rage and anger while the idea of their mate being close friends with another male didn’t bother them as much. Women, on the other hand, showed the opposite reaction. They were much more distressed with the idea of their partner forming an emotional attachment with another woman than they were with the idea of one-time sexual infidelity.
Wright attributes both of these responses to a natural built-in evolutionary reflex of the human species. It is the male’s unconscious desire to propagate their genes that drives their sexual jealousy. Picturing their partner in a sexual act with another man was enraging to them because of the possibility that another man could impregnate their partner, potentially resulting in them rearing a child that had another man’s DNA.
For females, it is not so much the thought of their mate having sex with another female that is upsetting to them; it is the danger that her mate will form an emotional bond with another woman and it will lead to him withholding some of the resources that her man provides to her and her children (so that he can share them with the new woman).
What makes a family prefer some children over others?
Wright claims that evolution has a role in influencing which child and specifically, which gender children the family prefers. Evolutionary psychologists explain that parents will tend to favor the child/gender that has the greater potential to carry on their family’s genes.
This ability to pass on genes historically differed based on what social class the family came from. In a poor family of low status, it was usually the girl who had a greater chance to marry “up” into a family that was wealthier. In wealthier families, it was the boys who were favorites to spread their family’s genes because of their power to find any woman or even multiple partners.
In a study of medieval Europe and nineteenth-century Asia, anthropologist Mildred Dickeman reported that killing females before their first birthday, was much more common among rich, aristocratic families than it was among poor and low-class families. And rich families much more frequently gave inheritances to their eldest son rather than their eldest daughter.
This evolutionary influence still carries on today. A 1986 research study of the island families in Micronesia found that low-status families spent more time with their daughters while higher status families spent much more time with their sons.
Why do humans have morals?
Why is it that humans seem to exhibit a higher sense of morals than other species? Is it because we are conditioned to do what’s right from a very young age, or is it something we are born with? If you ask an evolutionary psychologist, they’ll say that humans behave in a moral way simply because it helps us to fulfill unconscious Darwinian urges for the survival and propagation of our species.
Our moral behavior is an evolutionary instinct from our past that helps us to survive while enhancing our image. In essence, doing good things for other peopleis to our advantage because it establishes a debt in our favor that we can cash in at a later date when we need help. For example, if you give food to someone who is desperately hungry, they are much more likely to assist you in the future when you need help to survive.
Wright refers to this concept as “reciprocal altruism“. Our altruism is not selfless. We will readily do good things for other people when it will improve our image and standing in the community or raise our overall social status.
On the other hand, we are not so quick to help others when doing good for others carries no benefit to us. It is clear that human moral sentiments are used with brutal flexibility, switched on and off in keeping with our self-interest.
Evolutionary Psychologists conclude that there is scientific evidence that what we do can be explained by the evolution of our species and the unconscious urges we have to pass on our genes. Altruism, compassion, empathy, love, conscience, the sense of justice — all of these things, the things that hold society together, the things that allow our species to think so highly of itself, can be shown to have a firm genetic basis.
That’s the good news. “Given that self-interest was the overriding criterion of our design, we are a reasonably considerate group of organisms”, says Wright. The bad news is that, although these things are in some ways blessings for humanity as a whole, we need to keep in mind that they didn’t evolve for the “good of the species” and aren’t reliably employed to that end.
Although I found this book thought provoking and many of its insights fascinating, I still like to believe that we are more than just animals doing things instinctually or robots running a program that was downloaded into us. I believe we are all endowed with a spirit that makes it possible for us to rise above our nature and resist the urges of what Biologist Richard Dawkins calls our “selfish genes”.
In the movie “The African Queen“, there is a scene where Humphrey Bogart claims that he can’t change his bad behaviors because “it is only nature”; but Katherine Hepburn responds smartly to the captain’s statement by saying: “Nature, Mr Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above.”
May you experience all the benefits and wonder of our miraculous genetic past, but also have the strength of spirit you need to overcome our built-in selfish instincts and motives. If you can do this you will become more than human!
One of the things my wife and I like to do together is attend performances at the Merrimack Repertory Theatre. We consider attending plays one of our better date activities because it provides us with an opportunity to break out of our normal routines and have engaging conversations together about the moments in the performances that stirred our emotions or stimulated our minds.
Recently we attended a two-man play called Best Summer Ever that was written and performed by Kevin Kling – an accomplished playwright, storyteller, and contributor to NPR’s All Things Considered. Kling is an ebullient personality and there is something childlike, mischievous, and endearing about him that works to win over his audiences from the start.
One of Kevin’s most admirable qualities is his attitude towards overcoming the physical disabilities that are a part of his life. He was born with a congenital birth defect that shriveled his left arm and left it without a wrist or thumb. Then, at the age of 44, Kevin was in a motorcycle accident that completely paralyzed his right arm and disfigured his face.
Kling is open about his disabilities and tries to explain, with humor, the blessings he has derived from his misfortunes and the benefits that can come from tackling life’s obstacles with faith and a positive attitude. His family and friends stood by him while he recovered from his motorcycle accident and years of rehab.
“It’s hard to deny the power of prayer when you’re on the receiving end of it. I know it helped me heal. At times it was like skiing behind a power boat — all I had to do was hang on… As terrible [as my injuries were] and as scared as I am sometimes, I still feel blessed. And when I get discouraged I just look at my two wiener dogs because they are the best example of a ‘can do’ attitude in a ‘can’t do’ body.
Kevin Kling
Kling separates the disabilities that we are born with from those disabilities we acquire later in life and he points out that being so-called “able-bodied” is always just a temporary condition – sooner or later we are all likely to suffer from life’s frailties. He feels that when you are born with a disability, you grow from it, but when you experience a loss later in life, you have to grow toward it; you need time to grow into the new person you haven’t yet become.
Kevin wrote “The Best Summer Ever” as a way of growing toward the new person he was becoming after his accident. He does this by going back and telling the heartwarming story of his 9 year childhood journey growing up as the son of Norwegian immigrants in rural Minnesota. Exploring his childhood from this perspective became a kind of therapy; helping him to find pieces from his past to fit, not the person he was, but the new person he was becoming.
There were two moments from the play that stood out in my mind as reflections of the kind of positive wisdom Kevin had to share about life with his audience:
We all have a deep desire to feel connected, no matter what age
There is a scene in the play where 9 year old Kevin tries his best to comfort his aging grandfather who is grieving the death of his brother. Kevin is trying to understand why his grandfather is so sad and comes to the realization that his grandfather must feel like an orphan now because his mother, father and all his siblings are now gone. He is the last one of his family left.
How must it feel when the people you had the strongest connection to throughout your life are no longer here? I wonder about my 93 year old mother. After living through the deaths of her mother, father and seven siblings, does she feel like an orphan in some way? Despite her many children and grandchildren, is she happily looking forward to re-establishing connections again with her family on the other side?
Kevin talks fondly about his grandparents and the role they played in his life, saying his relationship with them was one of his strongest connections and one that most shaped who he became:
“I connected with my grandparents. And I think we were in the same light. I mean, I was in the dawn, and they were in the twilight, but we were in the same light. And because of that, they were heading to the creator, and I was coming from the creator. And it seemed, because of that, we spoke a very similar language.“
Live so that your Light outlives you
At the conclusion of the play, Kevin is looking at a nighttime sky full of shining stars and marvels that since the stars are so far away it takes hundreds or thousands of years for their light to reach the earth. This means that those of us left on on earth will continue to receive light from the stars even after they are long dead.
Kevin believes that the light from people can live on after they die too. The good that we do, and the light we share will outlive us if we act to make a positive difference in the lives of the people we love and take meaningful action against the injustice we see in the world.
When Kevin looks up at those stars at night he is happy to feel the presence and memories of his grandparents and parents shining down on him. I hope when you look up at the stars, you too can take comfort and feel gratitude for the connections you had with your loved ones. But more important I hope you are living the kind of life that will continue to shine light long after you are gone. When you think about it, being a light for someone else is one way for us to become immortal.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) has been recognized as one of the most significant philosophers of the 16th century. Born into a privileged family and raised during the period of the French Renaissance, he was educated in a private boarding school where all his lessons were taught in Latin. Because of his family’s great wealth, he was free to devote the first half of his life to jobs serving the public sector; including volunteering as a legal counselor, advisor to King Charles IX and mayor of the town of Bordeaux.
In 1571, at the age of 38, he retired from public life to his estate, where he isolated himself from all social and family affairs so that he could dedicate his time to reading, meditating, and writing. It was in his castle’s round library room – which contained more than 1,500 books – where Montaigne probed his mind and produced two highly influential books titled simply Essays; which he published in 1580. Montaigne wrote that “I am myself the matter of my book“, and his stated goal was to describe humans, and especially himself, with utter frankness.
Some of the key topics Montaigne explored in his various essays include:
Mankind’s dangerously inflated claims to knowledge and certainty
The assertion that there is no greater achievement than the ability to accept one’s limitations
The problem of trying to locate truth in commonly accepted ideas that are false or unexamined – especially since many things we held yesterday as articles of faith today we know as fables.
The importance of freeing ourselves from outside influences, customs and opinions
His belief that the best path to understanding truth is by a careful exploration of one’s own body-and-mind.
Montaigne believed that the self, even with all its imperfections, was the best possible place to begin the search for truth, even though our identities can’t be defined as a stable thing because it is always changing. The most obvious example to him was the struggle of living with the infirmities of a human body. “Our bodies smell, ache, sag, pulse, throb and age regardless of the best desires of our mind“. It is only in acceptance of these traits that we can remain faithful to the truth of one’s being.
Montaigne isolated himself while writing his Essays but maintained the importance of maintaining contact with the outside world of other people and events because one can learn much that is useful from others. He described human beings as having a front room, facing the exterior street, where they meet and interact with others, but also with a back room where they are able to retreat back into their interior private self to reflect upon the vagaries of human experience and consider how it impacts their intimate identity.
Montaigne was refreshingly different from other philosophers and academics of his day who believed that their advanced powers of reason were a divine gift that gave them mastery over the world and a happiness that was denied to lesser educated creatures. He mocked those philosophers who were proud of their big brains and his writings come across as wise and intelligent – but also as modest and eager to debunk the pretensions of learning.
He wrote of his fellow academics and philosophers: “On our highest thrones in the world we are seated, still, on our arses” and, “…in practice, thousands of little women in their villages have lived more gentle, more equable and more constant lives than us.
He mocked books that were difficult to read. He found Plato boring and just wanted to have fun with books. “I’m not prepared to bash my brains out for anything, not even for learning’s sake – however precious it may be. If one book tires me, I just take up another“.
[note: I must admit that this sentiment makes me feel somewhat better about my decision to hold off reading the notorious difficult novel Ulysses by Irish writer James Joyce].
Montaigne was honest about the limitations and usefulness of his own intellect and attacked his prestigious academic friends for studying difficult things that were not useful to our lives.
“Difficulty is a coin which the learned conjure with so as not to reveal the vanity of their studies. Intellectuals would prefer you to study other people’s books way before we study our own minds. If man were wise, he would gauge the true worth of anything by its usefulness and appropriateness to his life”
I can’t help but wonder if Montaigne’s admiration for the working class – and life’s simple things – stemmed from the decision his humanist father made to leave him for three years when he was a small boy in the sole care of a peasant family in their town, in order to “draw the boy close to the people, and to the life conditions of the people, who need our help“.
Whatever the reason for his modest and humble personality, Montaigne comes across as one of the world’s first examples of a tolerant mind; a breath of fresh air in the cloistered and snobbish corridors of 16th century academia. He became an inspiration and encouragement to all those who felt put-upon and patronized by the arrogance of self-proclaimed clever people.
Montaigne tells us that each one of us is richer than we think. We may all arrive at wise ideas if we cease to think of ourselves as unsuited to the task just because we haven’t been classically trained or happen to lead an ordinary life.
The inscription Montagne had placed on the crown of the book shelf in his library was “I do not understand; I pause; I examine“. He had the inscription placed there to remind him of the limitations of his own knowledge and to caution him about the dangers that can result when one hastily forms opinions without careful consideration of all the facts.
Too many people today, especially since the advent of social media – which allows anybody to pass themselves off as experts – form their beliefs by adopting commonly accepted ideas or by making broad generalizations. Outside influences and political talking points trigger knee-jerk reactions from those who fail to take the time to study all sides of a topic – or to consider what is the truth and what is morally just.
It would be refreshing if more of us today, before forming our opinions, would like Montaigne, acknowledge the limitations of our knowledge, admit that we don’t fully understand a topic and then take time to examine all aspects of the issues in question using qualified experts in the field as our guides.
The danger of operating a society with uninformed or half-informed subjects was identified as early as the 2nd century by the Roman writer Publilius Syrus who said that it is “Better to be ignorant of a matter than to half know it“.
Today there are so many competing sources of information, where anyone with a computer can offer their uninformed opinions. Few people check the credentials of writers or the authenticity of the facts, and foreign actors can easily spread misinformation along via unregulated social networks.
The next time we are asked to form an opinion or make a decision about subjects we do not fully understand, we would do well to follow the sage advice of Montaigne: Do not let somebody else speak for you and do not fall prey to the pressures of biased outside influences. Instead take a moment to pause, study all sides of the issue, consult qualified experts and sources, and endeavor to reach true understanding.
If you can summon the conviction and discipline to do this, then you will be able to take solace knowing that even though you can not govern external events, you at least govern yourself.
Humans have reached a point in their evolution where they can use technology to manufacture artificial climate silosin their homes, cars, and workplaces that insulate them from the effects of uncomfortable weather conditions. Even on the field of play, athletes labor under precisely controlled environmental conditions designed to prevent their performances from being disrupted by wild card weather elements.
This capability to create our own ideal environment is a relatively new phenomenon. It was only 250 years ago when the first efficient wood stoves were invented and only 100 years ago in the 1920’s when cars started to be mass produced. My mother who is 93 grew up in a house that had no indoor plumbing or home heating (except for the kitchen stove). The first new car I bought in 1982 did not come with air conditioning.
Back then, weather conditions were a big deal because you couldn’t avoid them. It was not really possible to separate life’s activities from the daily whims of Mother Nature. By necessity, people were exposed to the elements every day and had to learn to adjust their lives according to the ever-changing weather conditions.
They never knew what surprise weather conditions they would have to face when they woke up and would have been astonished at the advances in the meteorological sciences which gives us the capability to predict future weather events.
Today, we take it for granted that we can get accurate weekly, daily and hourly weather forecasts for any location in the world; but the value of this foresight is diminished by the fact that most people don’t even bother to check weather forecasts any more because our technology can overcome the weather. The outside weather now has very little impact on our life.
I was not sheltered from the weather when I was growing up. I had a paper route that required me to get up before sunrise to deliver newspapers to the homes in my neighborhood. Spring, Summer, Winter and Fall under hot, cold, rain or snowy conditions I delivered those papers. I walked to school on the other side of town in all kinds of weather conditions. I camped out with my friends in their backyards, at the city playground, and at the town cemetery. I spent many hours out in nature fishing, hiking and trapping with my father and brothers.
It is a shame, I think, that most people try to avoid having any direct exposure to the elements. I think the avoidance of what many people refer to as “bad weather” has taken some of the fun, excitement and wonder out of living. Some of the most memorable moments in my life have occurred when I stepped outside to embrace the elements head on.
Moments such as:
Laughing while running with my children through the puddles on my street in my bare feet and shorts during a rain storm that broke up a prolonged heat wave.
Paddling down a frosty river in an aluminum canoe during a cold and windy November afternoon to help my older brother check his trapline – my hands and feet numb from the 10 below zero wind chill.
Walking home from a card game at a friend’s house during the great Blizzard of 1978 and losing my sense of direction in the whiteout conditions.
Riding around with my Dad in a DPW snow plow, cleaning up the streets of the city after a big snow storm.
Fly Fishing in the middle of a rain storm, catching one trout after another, only stopping when a bolt of lightning suddenly came down out of the sky and struck a tree on the other side of the river, setting it on fire.
Walking home from my job late at night in the middle of a light snow flurry and being mesmerized by the big snowflakes doing a dance as they floated slowly down illuminated by the parking lot flood lights.
Listening to the rain fall on the roof of my tent while camping – the repetitive sounds of the rain drops lulling me to sleep.
Playing soccer with my colleagues after work during the steaming dog days of summer and drenching ourselves with water (and cold beer) to cool down.
Standing in the face of gale force winds at the top of Mount Monadnock while doing some Fall hiking – the temperature 50 degrees cooler at the top than it was at the base of the mountain.
Sure, I was wet and cold or uncomfortable from the sun, heat and wind during many of these moments; but that is what made the moments even more memorable to me. We become so used to our creature comforts and living within such a narrow range of climate conditions, that it becomes remarkable to us when we choose to step outside and expose our bodies and our senses to something new and different.
I’m glad that I was taught not to fear bad weather, otherwise I never would have gathered first hand experience of the fury and majesty of our remarkable planet. I am in agreement with Alfred Wainwright who once wrote “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only unsuitable clothing”.
Wainwright was an author, illustrator and naturist who devised the popular Coast to Coast walk in England. A shy and unhappy kid, Alfred hated to be inside. To escape, he began walking up to 20 miles at a time; and creating detailed maps and drawings of his local area and all the places he visited in England.
Wainwright believed that the precious moments of life are rare and to be treasured:
“The precious moments of life are too rare…we should hoard them as a miser hoards his gold, and bring them to light and rejoice over them often. We should all of us have a treasury of happy memories to sustain us …to be stars shining through the darkness.”
He also believed that direct exposure to nature in all its forms was one of the the surest pathways to create happy memories:
“Oh, how can I put into words the joys of a walk over country such as this; the scenes that delight the eyes, the blessed peace of mind, the sheer exuberance which fills your soul as you tread the firm turf? This is something to be lived, not read about. On these breezy heights, a transformation is wondrously wrought within you. Your thoughts are simple, in tune with your surroundings; the complicated problems you brought with you from the town are smoothed away. Up here, you are near to your Creator; you are conscious of the infinite; you gain new perspectives; thoughts run in new strange channels; there are stirrings in your soul which are quite beyond the power of my pen to describe. Something happens to you in the silent places which never could in the towns, and it is a good thing to sit awhile in a quiet spot and meditate. The hills have a power to soothe and heal which is their very own. No man ever sat alone on the top of a hill and planned a murder or a robbery, and no man ever came down from the hills without feeling in some way refreshed, and the better for his experience.”
Alfred Wainwright
So if you want to create new perspectives and feel a powerful stirring in your soul, I suggest you take Mr. Wainwright’s advice and find yourself some suitable clothing that allows you to get out and experience the weather in all its forms. Be one of the people who feels the rain and not one of the crowd who just gets wet!
Bob Dylan recently celebrated his 80th birthday by releasing a film noir streaming art movie of him singing songs from his early career. The movie was filmed entirely in black & white and was appropriately named Shadow Kingdom because throughout the film dark shadows obscure the musicians and most of the surroundings.
Screenshot from Bob Dylan’s Shadow Kingdom Film
The set reminded me of something right out of an old twilight zone episode, a 1940’s style dark and smoky nightclub where the dozen or so people in the barroom sit at tables with their drinks and cigarettes, or mingle out on the dance floor slowly grooving to the music of Bob’s four piece band.
I realized while watching that Bob was clearly the oldest person in the film – there doesn’t appear to be a person in the band or in the audience who is older than 40 – most appear to be in their 20’s and 30’s. I’m not sure if it was his intention, but it would not surprise me to learn that Bob specifically wanted to surround himself with young people. After all, he is the man who wrote Forever Young and the one who made famous the observation that “He not busy being born is busy dying“.
For Bob it seems as if age is not a number but an attitude, and throughout his career he has refused to become a nostalgia act or to live on his past glories. Instead he has continuously changed and reinvented himself; and along the way he has succeeded in making music that is relevant and appealing to every generation. One look at the mix of young and old faces at his concerts demonstrates his ability to speak to all ages.
Which is difficult to do because in today’s society the elderly are often overlooked by the young. As people get older, they often get the feeling that they are being ignored and that they are becoming invisible within their communities. A couple lyrics from Bob Dylan’s later songs indicate that even someone as famous as him is not immune from this feeling.
Walking through the leaves, falling from the trees Feeling like a stranger nobody sees
Lyrics from song Mississippi by Bob Dylan
I see people in the park forgetting their troubles and woes They’re drinking and dancing, wearing bright-colored clothes All the young men with their young women looking so good Well, I’d trade places with any of them In a minute, if I could
Lyrics from song Highlands by Bob Dylan
In these lyrics, Bob ponders the predicament which many old people find themselves in. Just when they should start feeling fortunate for reaching their seventh or eighth decade of life, their bodies become old and frail and they find themselves becoming unvalued outsiders. It seems as if the world speeds up and they just become spectators to life happening around them.
Strangers who once smiled and acknowledged them as they walked past begin passing by without even a glance. They become self-conscious about their appearance and failing senses and withdraw further into isolation, sadly contributing towards their own “invisibility”.
The author Helen Garner, in her 2015 essay The Insults of Age, writes that women especially have always had an acute awareness of growing old. Her essay explores all the cruel ways in which getting older means being erased from a culture that equates youth and beauty with value. “Your face is lined, and your hair is grey, so they think you are weak, deaf, helpless, ignorant and stupid. It is assumed that you have no opinions and no standards of behavior and that nothing that happens in your vicinity is any of your business.”
My father as he got older suffered from COPD (which made it a struggle for him to breathe) and hearing decline (which made it hard for him to follow group conversations). Despite this, he was beloved by his eight children for his wisdom, good nature, and the code of honor with which he lived his life.
But I remember my mother telling me about an incident that occurred that was very hurtful to my father when he was older. There were a group of people sitting around the table having a discussion about a specific topic. My father ventured to offer his opinion on the subject when one of the young people interrupted and told him that “Nobody really cares what you think“.
Those words were a shock for my father to hear. He was a man of integrity who was used to being treated with respect and dignity throughout his life and whose opinion was always highly valued. To bluntly be told that nobody cared what he thought was like a slap in the face. With incidences like this happening to the elderly is it any wonder why they become confused and retreat into isolation?
There was a time in the past when the elderly were revered, cared for, and sought out for their wisdom. It seems that today they are instead viewed as a burden and out of touch with the way the world operates. There is a generation of people that are overlooked every day.
Age should not define a person or diminish respect from others. According to the American Psychological Association, people who do not feel connected are at increased risk of depression, dementia, and poor self-esteem – all factors that can affect physical and mental health and overall life satisfaction.
And this problem between the generations is only likely to get worse as aging adults shuffle themselves off into sterile retirement communities that bill themselves as “God’s Waiting Room” while young adults flock to the vibrancy and vitality of urban cities. Both sides lose in this segregation of the generations as it becomes difficult for the young to imagine what their life might look like when they are older and the old forget what it is like to see the world for the first time through new eyes.
In a society that idolizes youth and youth culture, it can be difficult to understand and address the challenges older adults face. Changing society’s perception of the elderly is beyond me, but I can try to go out of my way to fully engage with the older adults I encounter in my day-to-day activities – to show them that I see them and that they are not invisible!
If each of us made a small effort to be friendly with the older adults we encounter, to listen to what they have to say and to treat them with dignity, then we would all be richer for the experience. Old folks have a lifetime of experiences to share and many interesting stories to tell – if we only give them the chance.
Perhaps there is a selfish motivation behind my efforts to fight the stigma of aging. After all, pretty soon I will be considered an old timer (my ten year old grandson already calls me an oldster); and I hope people will still see me and treat me with dignity as my body runs down. Invisibility is a good Superpower to have in the movies but, I imagine it must get pretty lonely in real life when nobody ever really sees you.
My sleep patterns are a mystery to me. I do not understand why they frequently change or why I so often find myself waking up in the middle of the night, usually at 3 a.m. I have difficulty falling back to sleep even when I practice the usual tricks that have helped put me to sleep in the past (quiet music, meditation, prayer). When those tricks fail me, I eventually rise from my bed to work on some boring task until such a time that my body and mind feel ready to sleep again.
Apparently I am not alone in experiencing periods of interrupted sleep. Sleep experts report that around a third of the population has trouble sleeping and difficulty maintaining continuous sleep throughout the night. I wonder if many of them, like me, have more than a passing familiarity with the 3 a.m. hour.
The author Ray Bradbury had something to say about 3 a.m. in his dark fantasy novel, Something Wicked This Way Comes:
“Three AM. Charles Halloway thought, it’s a special hour. Women never wake then, do they? They sleep the sleep of babes and children. But men in middle age? They know that hour well. Oh God, midnight’s not bad. you wake and go back to sleep, one or two’s not bad, you toss but sleep again. Five or six in the morning , there’s hope, for dawn’s just under the horizon. But three, now, Christ, three A.M. Doctor’s say the body’s at low tide then. The soul is out. The blood moves slow. You’re the nearest to dead you’ll ever be save dying.
Sleep is a patch of death, but three three in the morn, full wide-eyed staring, is living death! You dream with your eyes open… you lie pinned to a deep well bottom that’s burned dry. The moon rolls by to look at you down there, with its idiot face. It’s a long way back to sunset, a far way on to dawn, so you summon all the fool things of your life, the stupid lovely things done with people known so very well who are now so very dead – and wasn’t it true, had he read it somewhere, more people in hospitals die at 3 A.M. than at any other time…?
Ray Bradbury, “Something Wicked This Way Comes”
Why do many people feel afraid or uneasy about the time between midnight and sunrise – especially 3 a.m.? Is it some embedded memory of the horror novels and films we consumed in the past or is it an instinct left within us from our distant ancestors who had to battle nocturnal predators for thousand of years?
For starters, 3 a.m. is sometimes referred to as The Witching Hour, the time of night when some believe the veil between life and death is at its thinnest, allowing spirits and ghosts to travel more easily between the two worlds. The time between 3-4 a.m. is also thought of by some as the Devil’s Hour. The Catholic Church in 1535 forbade activities during the 3-4 a.m. hour because Jesus was crucified at 3PM – and the inverse of that would be 3 a.m. – making it an hour of demonic activity. The number 3 can be used to make a mockery of the Holy Trinity, also making it an ideal time to carry out acts of evil.
Over time, fear of the Witching or Devil’s Hour became common amongst large groups of people, so foul meaning was attached to it. If we’re always waking up disturbed at 3 a.m. then something dark and ominous must be at fault. I have a friend who shared with me that he becomes anxious if he happens to wake up at 3 a.m. and he has to get down on his knees and pray the Rosary in order to calm his spirit . Even those who do not fear spirits or ghosts seem to believe that nothing good really happens at 3 a.m.
My background in engineering has conditioned me to look for scientific explanations to mysterious phenomenon rather than the actions of sinister spirits, ghosts and demons from the shadow world. My research into the topic has revealed that human biology and evolution may have something to do with our often confounding sleep experiences, as well as our tendencies to wake up in the middle of the night.
For most people, 3 a.m. comes along right about the time our body is coming out of a REM phase, the moment of our deepest sleep; when our heart rate slows, our body temperature drops, and our brain turns off as many functions as possible so it can repair itself and so we can get truly deep rest. If we happen to wake up suddenly at the end of an REM phase, we are going to feel very disoriented. The natural reaction to these strange feelings is fear and unease because we can’t help but feel panic when we wake up feeling unlike anything we ever feel when we are conscious.
These nighttime awakenings are distressing for most sufferers, but there is some evidence from our recent past that suggests a period of wakefulness occurring between two separate sleep periods was normal. Throughout history, various medical texts, court records and diaries mention instances of segmented sleep – commonly referred to as “first” and “second” sleep.
In Charles Dickens’ book Barnaby Rudge (1840), he writes:
“He knew this, even in the horror with which he started from his first sleep, and threw up the window to dispel it by the presence of some object, beyond the room, which had not been, as it were, the witness of his dream.”
Anthropologists have documented that bi-modal sleeping was common in preindustrial Europe when sleep onset was determined not by a set bedtime, but by whether there were things to do. Historian A. Roger Ekirch’s book At Day’s Close: Night in Times Past describes how households during this time period retired a couple of hours after dusk, woke a few hours later for one to two hours, and then had a second sleep until dawn.
Ekirch noted that references to the first and second sleep started to disappear during the late 17th century as the Industrial revolution took hold. He believes the practice of consolidated nighttime sleeping started in the upper classes in Northern Europe and filtered down to the rest of Western society over the next 200 years.
Interestingly, the problems of reported insomnia start to appear in literature at the same time as accounts of split sleep start to disappear in the late 19th century. So it may be that modern society is placing unnecessary pressure on individuals to seek continuous consolidated sleep every night – even though there are natural biological tendencies in the human machine towards bi-modal sleep patterns.
Although we aspire to have consolidated sleep, this may not suit everyone’s body clock or work schedule. Perhaps some of us are more suited to the segmented sleep pattern practiced by our pre-industrial ancestors. In fact, some forms of segmented sleep are still accepted in today’s society. Cultures that allow for an afternoon siesta, for instance, acknowledge that our internal body clock lends itself to such a schedule because we naturally experience a reduction in alertness in the early afternoon.
A number of recent studies have found that split-shift sleep schedules provide comparable performance benefits as one big sleep, as long as the total sleep time per 24 hours adds up to around 7 to 8 hours. Several shorter sleeps during the course of a day can be just as beneficial for our health, performance and safety.
So my recommendation for all of you who have trouble sleeping is to forget about demons and witches, forget about manufactured sleep drugs, forget about trying to achieve what society tells you is the perfect consolidated sleep pattern – and simply find a sleep pattern that works for you and one that matches your own unique rhythm.
If you can manage to do that then maybe you will, like me, come to see 3 a.m. less as a foe and more as a friend!
When the Coronavirus epidemic first began to shut down the economy and close the schools, the audio book company Audible announced that they would offer free access to a collection of classic audio books – “so that kids everywhere can instantly stream an incredible collection of stories… that will help them continue dreaming, learning, and just being kids“.
I took advantage of Audible’s generosity by listening to several classic novels, one of which was Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray“. The 1890 novel tells the story of of a cultured, wealthy, and impossibly beautiful young man named Dorian Gray.
Dorian’s artist friend Basil, is so taken by Dorian’s appearance and noble bearing that he badgers him into sitting for a portrait. While putting the finishing touches on the portrait, which elegantly depicts the young Dorian as a handsome mythological figure, Dorian is introduced to Lord Henry Wotton.
Lord Henry is an upper-class intellectual who is popular in social circles for his amusing wit and charms, and for his selfish pursuit of pleasure. Upon observing Dorian’s portrait, Lord Henry praises it as a masterpiece and proceeds to give a speech about the transient nature of beauty and youth.
The speech worries the impressionable young Dorian because he begins to realize that over time his most impressive youthful characteristics will inevitably begin to fade. This leads Dorian to curse his portrait, because he sees it will only come to remind him of the lost beauty he once had. In a fit of distress, he pledges his soul if only the painting would take on the burden of his age while he remained forever young.
His wish is granted. Throughout the years, Dorian’s friends age while he stays the same. His picture, however, gradually changes over time to reflect his increasingly evil and corrupt lifestyle.
Lord Henry corrupts Dorian’s mind and soul by encouraging him to live a life dedicated to the pursuit of pleasure. He gives Dorian a book describing the wicked exploits of a nineteenth-century Frenchman which becomes Dorian’s bible as he sinks ever deeper into a life of sin and corruption.
He lives a selfish lifestyle devoted to garnering new experiences and pleasures, with no regard for conventional standards of morality or the consequences of his actions.
Eighteen years pass. Dorian’s reputation suffers in circles of polite London society, where rumors spread regarding his scandalous exploits. His peers nevertheless continue to accept him because he remains young and beautiful. Meanwhile, the figure in the painting that is locked away in Dorian’s attic grows increasingly hideous.
Near the end of the novel, Lord Henry asks Dorian how it is that he has managed to remain so young after all these years. He wants to know the secret behind what he believes is Dorian’s “exquisite” life.
“Tell me Dorian how you have kept your youth. You must have some secret. I am only ten years older than you are, and I am wrinkled, and worn, and yellow. But you are really wonderful, Dorian. You have never looked more charming than you do to-night. You remind me of the day I saw you first. You were rather cheeky, very shy, and absolutely extraordinary. You have changed, of course, but not in appearance. I wish you would tell me your secret. To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.”
Quote from “Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde
While listening to this novel, it struck me how strong the human longing is for eternal youth and how many schemes have been promoted over the years promising quick and painless ways to achieve it.
Since the beginning of recorded history, people have been searching for a Fountain of Youth. Tales of a mythical spring that can restore the youth of anyone who drinks or bathes in its waters show up in many historical writings – some dating as far back as the 5th century BC.
Based on these many legends, early explorers and adventurers looked for the elusive fountain, or some other remedy generally associated with magic waters, that when drunk or bathed in would reverse the aging process and cure sickness.
Even today, society’s unending pursuit to find some type of easy ‘medicine’ that will keep us forever young continues strong. One of the songs from 79 year old Bob Dylan’s latest album wistfully praises Key West as the place where the rejuvenating virtues of the sun and wind can be found:
Key West is the place to be If you’re looking for immortality Stay on the road, follow the highway sign Key West is fine and fair If you lost your mind, you will find it there Key West is on the horizon line
Lyrics from “Key West (Philosopher Pirate)” by Bob Dylan
Fortunately for those of us living today, modern medicine and the discovery of life-saving vaccines have delivered on the promise of extending the human lifespan.
According to the organization Our World in Data, the average global life expectancy for the human species when Oscar Wilde was writing his book was 29 years old. By 1950, the average life expectancy had increased to 46 years – and by 2015 it had grown to 71 years. So, in the course of approximately 200 years mankind has successfully managed to more than double the average human lifespan.
Despite the incredible advances made by the medical and scientific communities to increase our longevity, science teaches us that nobody can live forever – everyone has an expiration date.
There is a ceiling on human lifespan. The longest living person as verified by the Gerontology Research Group was a French woman named Jeanne Calment who died in 1997 at the age of 122.
Theoretical studies suggest that the maximum lifespan a human can achieve under circumstances that are optimal to longevity is approximately 125 years. The process of aging itself constrains our lifespan, which means that until mankind figures out a way to stop aging, not just treat or prevent specific diseases, there isn’t much chance humans will be able to increase their maximum lifespan beyond that age.
Though we accept there is no fountain of youth or chance at immortality, we also know that certain lifestyle habits can help us stay healthy and younger looking as we grow older. Scientists have provided overwhelming evidence that the following lifestyle habits positively contribute to human health and longevity:
Maintain Healthy Body Weight – Maintaining a healthy body weight lowers the risk of developing diseases and conditions associated with aging such as diabetes, clogged arteries, heart attacks and strokes. People who limit their calorie intake have healthier heart muscle elasticity, blood pressure and inflammatory markers.
Eat Smart – A healthful diet includes a variety of fruits and vegetables of many colors, whole grains and starches, good fats, and lean proteins. Eating healthfully also means avoiding processed foods with high amounts of added salt and sugar. A 2015 study showed that eating a healthy diet slows cognitive decline, improves bone strength and enhances gastro-intestinal health.
Exercise – Working out helps combat the loss of bone density and muscle mass that naturally occurs in our skeletons as we get older. A study, published in the International Journal of Sports Medicine concluded that 70-year-olds who regularly lift weights had as much muscle as 28-year-olds. Consistent mobilizing and stretching of our bodies also helps to reduce the effects of aging on joints and muscles.
Sleep – Sleep acts as a true fountain of youth for our bodies by providing a pathway for our bodies to repair and rejuvenate itself. People who get a good night’s sleep report feeling more alert, energetic, happier, and better able to function. Research shows that sleep plays a critical role in our immune system, metabolism, muscle growth, tissue repair, memory, learning, and growth hormones. It clears away all of the harmful by-products of the cells’ activities that are produced while we are awake. Sleep is so important to our functioning, that animals who are entirely deprived of it lose all immune function and die in just a matter of weeks.
Form Connections – Positive social connections with other people and a belief in a higher power have been shown to improve physical health and mental and emotional well-being. One landmark study published by Science Magazine showed that lack of social connection is a greater detriment to health than obesity, smoking and high blood pressure. Strong social connections were shown to strengthen our immune systems, help us to recover faster from disease and increase our longevity. People who feel more connected to others have lower levels of anxiety and depression, higher self-esteem, and greater empathy for others.
Minimize Environmental Toxins – Prolonged exposure to harsh environmental toxins like smoke, pollution, direct sunlight and loud noise can damage and prematurely age our bodies. Without protection from the sun’s rays, daily exposure can cause noticeable changes and damage to the skin and facial wrinkles start forming on the faces of smokers as young as 20.
We have all been given a map that shows us how to maximize our longevity and stay feeling young and healthy for as long as possible. So why is it that so many of us, myself included, have such a hard time changing our lifestyles to adopt these healthy lifestyle habits?
We know what we should do to maintain our health but our human nature gets in the way, making it difficult for us to sacrifice those momentary un-healthy pleasures that tempt us every day for the promise of benefits that we hope to see sometime in the future.
Most people tend to choose the path of least resistance. It is difficult for many people to limit calories and maintain a healthy body weight; it is unpleasant to eliminate unhealthy foods that you love and replace them with healthy foods you do not enjoy; it is painful to motivate yourself to exercise when you feel tired; it takes discipline to shut off today’s 24/7 news and entertainment options so that we do not shortchange our sleep cycles; it takes commitment to cultivate and nourish our social networks; and it is almost humanly impossible to overcome chemical addictions that become rooted in us.
All of those things are hard so it is no wonder that many of us are like Lord Henry Wotten, who strongly desires the youthful qualities he sees in Dorian, but is also unwilling to suffer any pains to his lifestyle habits or pleasures in order to achieve the gains he covets.
The challenge for all of us is to develop the strength to reject our instant gratification tendencies and to keep in mind the eventual long term rewards that we hope to accrue from today’s short term pains. It helps to think of the struggle we are in today as developing the strength we need to have a better tomorrow. As Coco Chanel once remarked, “Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; but it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.”
I do not fear death because I see both birth and death as good things. Death frees up the planet’s limited resources to make room for the next generation and drives us to live purpose-driven lives. But I am apprehensive of a future in which I gradually deteriorate as I age because of sickness, feebleness, pain and cognitive decline. I imagine that living life with those age-related conditions would cause my life to lose much of its flavor.
My goal is to stay healthy and active up until the day I die. I know that is probably unrealistic but at least it is a goal that keeps me motivated to put up with the pains that come with pursuing healthy lifestyle habits.
Even though I often fail by making unhealthy lifestyle choices, I do not give up trying to achieve my goal. Because doing something is better than doing nothing and winning some of the time is better than giving up altogether.
The surprising thing I have found is that the more I try, the easier it gets. I actually feel better when I eat healthy, exercise, get enough sleep and connect with friends and family. The effort to live healthy doesn’t have to make us miserable – it can pay dividends that make us happy both in the short and the long term.
So, unlike Dorian Gray, I hope the picture of your journey shows a full life that is well-lived; and may you be healthy and happy until the day you die.
I recently facilitated a memorial service for my mother’s sister who lived to the goodly age of 100. My Aunt Jeannette Marie was a loving daughter, mother to 6 children, a grandmother, great grandmother and wife to two husbands.
The Last Photo of my Mother with her Sister
She was one of those people who would light up and make you feel good whenever you were in her presence. She always had a good word for everybody and even though she suffered tragedy in her life – her first dying in a train accident when he was just 24 – it was not in her nature to complain, choosing instead to focus on her many blessings.
With her sister’s passing, my mother, at 91 years old, became the last surviving person of that close 10 member family clan she grew up with. My mother was close to her sister and loved her dearly so it is natural that she is experiencing feelings of sadness, loss and grief. Especially because she no longer has anyone in her life who she can talk to about the “old days” and all the good and bad times they went through together as a family.
To begin the memorial service, I asked my wife to recite the poem ‘Tis a Fearful Thing’ that is believed to have been written by a Jewish Rabbi sometime in the 11th century. It is a moving poem about the intersection of grief and faith and love and it is often shared by Hospice teams with the families of those who are grieving a loved one who is nearing death.
‘Tis a Fearful Thing
‘Tis a fearful thing to love what death can touch. A fearful thing to love, to hope, to dream, to be – to be, And oh, to lose. A thing for fools, this, And a holy thing, a holy thing to love. For your life has lived in me, your laugh once lifted me, your word was gift to me. To remember this brings painful joy. ‘Tis a human thing, love, a holy thing, to love what death has touched.
One of the Five Remembrances that Buddhists contemplate during their meditation practices is this one:
I will be separated and parted from everyone and everything that is dear to me
Anyone who lives long enough knows the pangs of sadness that come with loss. From the moment we are born and bond with our parents, grandparents and siblings; fall in love; marry; have children of our own—we are destined to endure the pain of losing someone we love—over and over again. My mother, at this point in her life, has had to say painful goodbyes to her husband, parents and 7 of her siblings, not to mention many close friends.
It’s enough to make you think that life is just an elaborate setup for suffering. But somehow we still manage to choose life. We choose to make friends, marry, bring new life into the world. We lose a spouse or partner and we decide to give our hearts to a new companion, opening ourselves up to more eventual sorrow. Are we in denial to think that death will not touch this new love too?
Why do conscious and highly intelligent beings make themselves vulnerable to the eventual pain and sorrow that comes with losing the one you love. Is love really something for fools? Is it not insanity to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result?
What is it that makes us choose to invest in love and life? The poem teaches us that it all comes down to love – because it is ‘a holy thing to love.’ Love, life, death and love again is what it means to be human.
The poem’s closing words reflect a profound truth that speaks to the resilience of the human spirit and the best character traits of the human species:
It is a human thing, love a holy thing, to love what death has touched.
Love survives death. Death destroys the body but it does not touch love—or erase love. The body is impermanent but Love is eternal. We somehow know at the deepest level that life is about love. It may be that our divine purpose is to love, no matter how painful the loss of a loved one will be, and to send that love out into the heavens.
We choose to deeply love someone because we believe and trust that it will always keep us connected. Love becomes the unbreakable tether between those of us “here” and those who have passed on. It is knowing this that enables us to overcome our fear of the certainty of death and separation.
To love deeply is holy. Holy. Love keeps us connected to the Creator of all Beings, to all of those we have loved and all those to come. Even though my mother is sad when she thinks about all the loved ones in her life who death has touched, she still feels a holy connection with them which helps season her grief with painful joy and a spiritual component of hope that leads her to believe she will be reunited with them someday in the afterlife.
Let us embrace that love which is not severed by death. Painful, fearful, a thing for fools? Perhaps. Perhaps for some, at first. But it is also a holy thing… A holy thing to love.
I have been battling a stubborn eye infection for the past 6 weeks. It started with symptoms of redness, swelling, weeping and tenderness in my left eye. Within two weeks my right eye also became infected – eventually becoming worse than my left eye.
To complicate matters, this infection happened to occur during the peak of the coranavirus pandemic – which made it very challenging to meet with doctors and schedule health care appointments.
I managed to book a remote tele-health appointment with my primary care physician, who guessed that I had some form of bacterial conjunctivitis. He prescribed a 7 day course of both oral and eye drop antibiotics that he believed would clear up the infection.
At the end of my seven day treatment, however, my eye infections were really no better. I scheduled a second tele-health visit with another physician who prescribed a different eye drop treatment that contained a more powerful antibiotic.
As soon as I began the new treatment my eye condition became dramatically worse . My eyes began to water constantly and the eyelids became so inflamed and swollen that I could barely open them. My eyes looked and felt as though they had been through a losing 15 round boxing match.
Panicking a little at this development, I began to put double doses of the eye drops in my eyes, hoping that the extra antibiotics would hasten my recovery from the infection. But this only seemed to make my condition worse.
At this point, my doctor recommended that I visit my nearest Urgent Care facility to have my eyes examined. The doctor there believed that my body was having an allergic reaction to the antibiotic eye drops which was causing my eyelids to swell and my eye ducts to become clogged. I was told to discontinue my current treatment immediately and see an eye specialist.
Fortunately, I was able to get an office appointment with an eye doctor who looked at my eyes under a microscope and swabbed them to determine what type of bacteria was the culprit. Based on the examination, I was prescribed a combined steroid/antibiotic treatment and instructed to regularly massage my eyes with hot compresses to help open up the clogged eye ducts.
It was a relief when my eyes began to slowly improve under the positive effects of this new treatment and I am thankful that my eyes have almost returned back to their normal condition.
The whole experience though has given me a greater appreciation of the role the eyes play in our daily life and how important they are to our overall well-being. As Shakespeare observed in Romeo & Juliet “He that is stricken blind can not forget the precious treasure of his eyesight lost“.
Picture Courtesy of Colin Maynard @invent
A number of emotions and concerns took root in my mind while I was battling the course of this malady:
Vanity – According to Henry David Thoreau “The eye is the jewel of the body” and the eyes are indeed the focal point of human relationships – and usually the first thing we notice when we encounter somebody new. It is considered a sign of respect and good manners in our society to look directly into a person’s eyes when you greet them.
So you can imagine that during my ailment I became very self-conscious of my appearance and was reluctant to be seen in public without covering my eyes with sunglasses. My own wife suddenly shrank from my embrace and jokingly began calling me lizard eye.
Because one of the symptoms of the Covid-19 virus happens to be inflamed eyes, the people I encountered seemed to become especially nervous around me. Believe me when I say that once people had a good look at my face they went out of their way to keep socially distant from me.
Fear – As my eye condition continued to deteriorate and stubbornly resisted all forms of treatment despite the use of powerful antibiotics, I began to experience feelings of fear and anxiety over the inability to use my eyes during my everyday routines. I started wondering if there were a real possibility that the illness might cause some kind of permanent damage to my eyesight.
My right eyelid became so swollen that I could only pull it open using my fingers and both eyes watered so much that my vision became very blurry. It became difficult and uncomfortable to do all the everyday ordinary things that requires functioning eyesight (like reading a book, watching a show, working on the computer or tying a fishing knot).
It forced me to consider in the back of my mind how different life would be and how my daily activities would need to change dramatically in order to live with diminished eyesight.
Magnification of other senses – Studies have shown that people who are blind tend to have enhanced abilities in their other senses. Detailed brain scans comparing the brains of people who are blind to the brains of people who are not blind show that individuals with impaired sight have heightened senses of hearing, smell and touch.
I’m not claiming that my other senses increased to superpower levels to compensate for the deterioration of my eyesight – my loss was too short term to re-wire my brain – but what I can say is that my malfunctioning sense of sight caused me to focus more on my other senses and to derive increased pleasure from them.
I closed my eyes and amused myself by listening to music and audio books, I delighted more in the smell of the pleasant scents wafting in the breezy Spring air and in the satisfying mix of flavors in my food, I relished the feel of soaking in the tub and submerging my tender eyes in the warm water.
Now that my eyes are on the mend I must remember that I am failing to appreciate the fullness of life when I let one or more of my senses dominate at the expense of the others.
Simultaneously employing all our senses in concert to their full capacity helps us to live our life in High Definition with Surround Sound quality rather than the limiting Black & White and Mono soundtrack experiences that are provided by the individual senses.
Compassion and Empathy – When we are in the bloom of health, it is human nature for us not to think about the difficulties that other people living with disabilities and impairments must face during the course of their daily life.
My brief encounter with sight impairment gave me a new appreciation for people who must live permanently with one or more disabilities that makes living inconvenient and challenging.
We are told it is a healthy practice to count our blessings and to have a grateful heart. Most people when they count their blessings only think about how grateful they are for the good things in their life. This experience has reminded me that it is equally important for me to be thankful for the afflictions that I have been spared.
When our lives are not burdened by birth defects, diseases, sicknesses, poverty or addictions we find it difficult to show compassion or relate to those who struggle with one or more of these issues every day.
It is good every now and then to put yourself in the shoes of those who are walking a hard road and to remind yourself how you would like to be treated if you were in their shoes – because someday you may be.
As unpleasant as my adventure with this eye infection has been, it has also been a positive learning experience because it has given me a new perspective about the vanity of vanity, forced me to confront and overcome my fears, reminded me to use all my senses to their full capacity and encouraged me to treat with compassion all those who are living with handicaps.
I know that my eyes will eventually fail me as I age, just like the rest of my body will, but I do believe the overall vision I gained from this experience will stay with me until the very end.
I recently celebrated my 60th birthday – a moment of reckoning in one’s life when it seems appropriate to reflect on the bygone days of youth while also wondering what form life will take during the inevitable transition to old age.
The 60th birthday is considered a major milestone in many cultures. In China, someone who has reached the age of 60 is considered to have completed a full life cycle. The 60th birthday is commemorated with great extravagance because it is considered by them to be the beginning of a second life.
When I think about it, it does seem to me as if I have lived a full life cycle. After all, what more can a man ask out of 60 years of life than to be born into a loving family; be bestowed with good health and a good education; be fulfilled with a satisfying job and rewarding career; be fortunate to find and share in the love of two beautiful women – who made me a proud father, step-father and grandfather to children who are now on their way to living out their own successful life cycles.
It’s funny to think back now of memories I have of playing the old Milton Bradley Board Game of Life in my College apartment with my future fiance and our friends. The game simulates a person’s travels through his or her life, from college to retirement, with jobs, marriage and possible children along the way. The overall goal is to retire as the wealthiest player at the end of the game.
Milton Bradley’s Game of Life
The decisions players make along the way – which include purchasing insurance policies, bank mortgages and stock investments – determine who wins the game of life and who spends their retirement days in MillionaireEstates, Countryside Acres, or the Poorhouse Farm.
Seems like only yesterday I was playing that game, but it was 40 years ago, and I realize I am now at a point where I have completed most of my personal life decisions and ought to be thankful for getting to the end with a winning hand.
I may not have retired the wealthiest man, or live in a Millionaire Estate, but I do live in a comfortable home in a bucolic setting which could easily pass for Countryside Acres. No matter what happens now, I can’t really lose at the game of life because I’ve already won – I’m playing with house money!
One glaring omission in the Life board game that I didn’t notice at the time (because no one who is young ever thinks about getting old) was that it stops at retirement – the end of our 1st life cycle.
The game does not ask the players to consider Medicare or Social Security benefits, Long Term Care insurance, Health Care Proxies, Wills and Trusts, Durable Power of Attorneys, Assisted Living and Nursing Homes, Disability, Hospice, Death, Funerals and burial decisions. All of those elements make up the domain of the second life cycle.
The unrecognizable face of the old man staring back at me from the mirror reminds me that I’m running out of time; as do these song lyrics that I find shuffling more often now in the soundtrack in my mind:
“I don’t look like I used to, I don’t walk like I used to, I don’t love like I used to. Oh… I can’t do the things I used to because I feel old”
“I feel Old” by the Heartless Bastards
“Ain’t gonna need this body much longer, ain’t gonna need this body much more. I put in 10 million hours. Washed up and worn out for sure”
“Don’t Need this Body” by John Mellencamp
“I was born here and I’ll die here, against my will. I know it looks like I’m moving, but I’m standin’ still… Don’t even hear the murmur of a prayer, It’s not dark yet, but it’s gettin’ there”
“Not Dark Yet” by Bob Dylan
I am beginning my journey into the realm of the second life. From what I have observed, people who first enter this realm can become bewildered and embarrassed by the onset of old age and all of the infirmities that begin to come with it.
I was struck by this paragraph from the Grace Paley short story “Friends“, because it captures the awkward unsaid sentiments aging friends can experience when they haven’t seen each other in a while:
People do want to be remembered as young and beautiful. When they meet in the street, male or female, if they’re getting older they look at each other’s face a little ashamed. It’s clear they want to say, ‘Excuse me, I didn’t mean to draw attention to mortality and gravity all at once. I didn’t want to remind you, my dear friend, of our coming eviction, first from liveliness, then from life’. To which, most of the time, the friend’s eyes will courteously reply, ‘My dear, it’s nothing at all. I hardly noticed’.
“Friends” by Grace Paley
My wife’s work at a hospice agency reminds me every week that the end comes before we know it and when it does it is usually painful and undignified. To focus only on this inevitability, however, is a distraction that diminishes all the possibilities for living a rewarding second life.
Instead it is better, I think, to focus on encouraging past research that shows people tend to grow steadily happier as they age. As the moodiness and demands of youth subsides, maturity seems to bring more contentment.
In a Pew Research Center survey, seven-in-ten respondents ages 65 and older said they were enjoying more time with their family, more financial security and more time for volunteer work, travel and hobbies. Sixty percent said they feel more respected and have less stress than when they were younger.
But there is some conflicting research on the subject of aging and happiness and some experts say contentment, no matter what the age, boils down to one thing: Attitude. They say attitude is everything and that the qualities that most contribute to feelings of contentment as we age include:
Optimism – Older people seem to display a more positive outlook on life than their younger, stressed-out counterparts. As a person’s life expectancy decreases, they tend to focus on what makes them feel good today; rather than mulling over past regrets or future worries. They live in the moment focusing on what is good in their life rather than what has not been achieved.
Less Want – Jackie Coller wrote: “There are two ways to be rich: One is by acquiring much, and the other is by desiring little.” The Buddhists believe that it is the human mind’s craving for things that is the source of suffering. As we age, we tend to become more comfortable and accepting of our lot in life and our role in society – thus reducing the conflicts and anxieties that come with constantly wanting to change our situation.
Humor – Mark Twain said that “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.” Being funny is possibly one of the best things you can do for your health. You can almost think of a sense of humor as your mind’s immune system.
Even though humor improves people’s overall quality of life, it is a hard habit for some people to adopt and practice. They take life too seriously and find it difficult to laugh at themselves or the frequent absurdities that make up our daily life.
In the novel East of Eden, John Steinbeck writes about an encounter an overly serious young girl has with her wise old Chinese friend:
“Do you think it’s funny to be so serious when I’m not even out of high school?” she asked. “I don’t see how it could be any other way, ” said Lee. “Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth, and laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death, and sometimes it isn’t in time.”
“East of Eden” by John Steinbeck
With all this in mind, my simple goals for pursuing a second life filled with contentment are:
to stay optimistic (60 may be old, but it is the youth of old age!)
to want less (have few desires, be satisfied with what you have!)
to cultivate my sense of humor (like George Carlin who joked when he turned 60years of age that he was only 16 Celsius!)
If I am able to a accomplish those goals then maybe I will be lucky enough to feel like Ben Franklin who, at the goodly age of 84, wrote these words as he was preparing for the end of his remarkable second life…
“Let us sit till the evening of life is spent; the last hours were always the most joyous. I look upon death to be as necessary to to our constitution as sleep. We shall rise refreshed in the morning.”
Taken from “The First American – The Life and Times of Benjamin Franklin” by H.W. Brands
Although we aspire to have consolidated sleep, this may not suit everyone’s body clock or work schedule. Perhaps some of us are more suited to the segmented sleep pattern practiced by our pre-industrial ancestors. In fact, some forms of segmented sleep are still accepted in today’s society. Cultures that allow for an afternoon siesta, for instance, acknowledge that our internal body clock lends itself to such a schedule because we naturally experience a reduction in alertness in the early afternoon.
Words to Live By... 
