“Anything truly novel is invented only during one’s youth”

This summer I read Walter Isaacson’s illuminating biography of Albert Einstein, the man who is widely considered to be the greatest thinker of the 20th Century. In 1905, when he was only 26 years old, he published four groundbreaking papers that forever changed the way people understood space, time, mass, gravity and energy.

By the time Einstein turned 40 in 1919, at a moment when he was struggling to devise a unified theory of matter, he complained to a friend that “Anything truly novel is invented only during one’s youth. Later, one becomes more experienced, more famous – and more blockheaded“.

Einstein’s frustration at his diminished capabilities as he aged is a phenomenon that is considered common with mathematicians and physicists who seem to make their greatest contributions to science before they turn 40. Einstein remarked to a colleague that as he got older he felt his intellect slowly becoming crippled and calcified.

Why does this happen? In Einstein’s case, it was partly because his early successes had come from his rebellious traits. In his youth, there was a link between his creativity and his willingness to defy authority and the universally accepted cosmological laws of his day. He had no sentimental attachment to the old order and was energized at the chance to show that the accepted knowledge was wrong or incomplete. His stubbornness worked to his advantage.

After he turned 40, his youthful rebellious attitudes were softened by the comforts of fame, renown, riches and a comfortable home. He became wedded to the faith of preserving the certainties and determinism of classical science – leading him to reject the uncertainties inherent in the next great scientific breakthrough, quantum mechanics. His stubbornness began working to his disadvantage as he got older.

It was a fate that Einstein began fearing years before it happened. He wrote after finishing his most groundbreaking papers: “Soon I will reach the age of stagnation and sterility when one laments the revolutionary spirit of the young“. In one of his most revealing statements about himself, Einstein complained: “To punish me for my contempt of authority, Fate has made me an authority myself“. He found it even harder as he got older acknowledging “the increasing difficulty a man past fifty always has adapting to new thoughts”.

Einstein brilliance is beyond compare, but I can relate to his observation about doing your best work when you are young. When I look back at my personal life and work career, I recognize that I was at my most ambitious and innovative during the decades of my 20’s and 30’s.

My adult life exploded with big events in 1982, the year that I turned 22. In the timespan of that one year I managed to graduate from college, marry my college sweetheart, start my first professional job as an engineer, buy a new house and a new car, and learn that my wife and I were going to become first-time parents. I remember filling out a survey designed to measure the amount of stress in your life during that eventful year and being surprised when the calculated stress numbers registered so high that they indicated I should be dead!

But all of it was exhilarating to me at that point in my life. I was experiencing new things and accumulating knowledge like a sponge. I knew that my growing family would be counting on me to be a good provider – which gave me the incentive I needed to focus on building a stable career.

I was determined to be successful in my engineering role and threw myself into learning everything I possibly could about the company I worked for as well as the electronic test and measurement equipment that they manufactured.

Many of my co-workers had graduated from more prestigious universities than me and I felt that I had something to prove. I wanted to make a name for myself and grow my reputation and value within the company by making important contributions to the projects to which I was assigned.

I took several continuing education engineering classes at night to improve my knowledge of subject areas that I knew would be helpful to me at work, I sought out brilliant co-workers who could mentor me and give me wise advice on how to approach complex technical projects, and I questioned everything – wondering if there might be a better solution to the problems we were trying to solve.

This drive in my early career to be successful enabled me to do my most innovative and important work for the company during the decades of my 20’s and 30’s. In the span of my first 18 years working for the company, I was awarded two patents, helped develop multiple new test products which generated millions of dollars for the company, created automated software regression tests significantly lowering product development times while improving software quality, and published frequent technical articles for industry conferences and trade journals.

By the time I turned 40, I could point to many important career milestones and had achieved recognition as a top performer and leader within the company. The rewards of my hard work were a comfortable home and financial independence. With this success I began to have feelings of contentment that lessened my drive to take on new projects or solve interesting problems. I became comfortable and happy with life as it was – I no longer felt the need to over-extend myself.

I was satisfied to rest on my past achievements and to take on less tasking roles that would improve the product in evolutionary, rather than revolutionary ways. Over time, I became the wise, experienced, older mentor to younger employees who came to me for advice and direction.

I felt okay with that transition as I considered it my good fortune to be in a situation where I was able to share my knowledge with a new generation of ambitious young people who were ready to make their own marks on the world by inventing novel new solutions that were now beyond me. In some ways, being a part of those collaborative efforts made me feel better than my individual personal accomplishments.

The famous journalist Ed Bradley once interviewed Bob Dylan in 1998 on the television show 60 minutes, at a time when he was approaching 60 years old. During the course of the interview, Bradley asked Bob what the source of inspiration was for his famous early songs, the ones that led to him being recognized as the voice of a generation while he was still only in his 20’s.

Dylan replied that his early songs were almost magically written and that he felt some kind of power, outside of himself, flowing through him while was writing them. When Bradley asked if he could still tap into that penetrating magic now in his songwriting, Dylan paused and said; “No, I don’t know how I got to write those songs“. Bradley followed up and asked if that disappointed him, Dylan replied softly; “Well you can’t do something forever and I did it once… and I can do other things now – but I can’t do that“.

That is a healthy way, I believe, of thinking about what is possible for each of us as we age. My days of endless ambition and innovative thinking are past. But I can do other things now that I couldn’t do then. I can indulge hobbies that interest me, I can find new paths to hike and rivers to fish, I can help care for my mother in her old age and I can share what I have learned through my life experiences and pass it on to my grandchildren and the larger community via this blog.

There will only ever be one Einstein, none of us will ever be as brilliant as him – but if you are under 40, get busy by putting your spry young mind and youthful ambition to work! Maybe you too can come up with novel ideas and ways of doing things that will help change the world or someone’s life for the better.

And if you are over 40, you can be like Einstein in his older years; contributing in a positive way to his community and sharing his wisdom, experience and good fortune with the next generation. In the end, many of our late in life pursuits that we share with others can end up being more rewarding and meaningful to us than any personal accomplishments we achieve along the way.

All Perception is Fundamentally an Illusion

Most people who stare at the image below will believe the dark oval in the middle is growing larger. But, believe it or not, it is just an illusion – a static image.

According to a study published in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, this illusion has something to teach us about how our brains and eyes collaborate to see the world. Researchers tested the illusion on 50 men and women with normal vision and found that those participants who had eyes with the strongest pupil dilation response had the greatest response to the illusion; while those with poor dilation response could not see it.

The pupils in the human eye are designed to automatically adjust to the surrounding light, dilating when it is dark so they can capture more light, and constricting when it is bright to prevent overexposure. Even though the hole in this illusion is not darkening, the perception or expectation in our mind that it should be darkening is enough to make our pupils respond.

Bruno Laeng, a psychology professor at the University of Oslo and an author of the study, says: “There is no reason that the pupil should change [while looking at this image], because nothing is changing in the viewers world, but something clearly has changed inside the mind.”

The researchers hypothesize that the illusion is deceiving because the gradient on the central hole makes it look to the viewer as if they are entering a dark hole or tunnel, which prompts the participants’ pupils to dilate. Our brains are making assumptions about what it sees based on past experience and is trying to predict and prepare our senses for what it thinks will happen next.

It takes time for light to reach our sensory organs and send the image to our brain. The brain then takes more time to process the image, make sense of it, and decide what actions to take based on the collected information. By the time our brain catches up with the present, time has already moved forward, and the user’s environment has most likely changed.

To minimize this image collection and processing delay, the brain may be constantly trying to predict a little bit into the future so that it can better perceive the present. Being fooled by this expanding hole illusion is not a flaw of the human species, but a feature. It is most likely built up from evolutionary history to help humanity survive.

The information we get from our senses is spotty and incomplete, so the brain has evolved over time to try to guess what is happening in the uncertain and ever-changing world – and to make decisions based on what is most likely to happen next.

People who possessed brains with the best ability to adapt and predict what is happening at any given moment most likely had an advantage over those that lacked the capacity to adapt. When the illusion image is communicated to the brain, it anticipates that the body will soon be entering a dark place and it responds by telling the pupils to begin dilating (so the body will be able to react sooner in case there is danger lurking inside that black hole).

Researchers tell us that everything we perceive is inconsistent with the physical reality of the world. It is not just that the information taken in by our senses can be misunderstood, it is also that there is a universe of information available in the physical world that is imperceptible to the human senses.

Consider light itself. The light our human eyes can detect is only a sliver of the total amount of light that’s out there. The 0.0035% of the electromagnetic spectrum we can see is referred to as visible light, but the other 99.9% percent of the spectrum consisting of radio waves, microwaves, infrared radiation, ultraviolet rays, X-rays and gamma rays are all undetectable by our eyes.

Electromagnetic Light Spectrum

Humans have cone-shaped cells in our eyes that act as receivers specifically tuned to the wavelengths in the narrow visible light band of the spectrum. Other portions of the spectrum have wavelengths too large or too small and energetic for the biological limitations of our perception.

Evolution has not endowed us with the ability to see beyond the visible region of the electromagnetic spectrum; although it is possible to feel infrared radiation as heat and employ other parts of the electromagnetic spectrum for practical uses, such as X-Ray medical imaging.

But we carry on with our lives, oblivious to the huge spectrum of electromagnetic waves present all around us. Humans have managed to survive and reproduce despite our limited view. It’s a good thing that visible light was adequate to help our ancestors detect predators that would do them harm.

But imagine if our eyes were able to detect other parts of the electromagnetic spectrum — our universe would be unrecognizable. We could glean so much more visual information if we were able to see in the radio, infrared or even X-ray regions of the electromagnetic spectrum.

Bees and butterflies are examples of organisms that can detect Ultraviolet radiation. Some flowers have special markings that can only be seen in UV light. Bee and Butterfly eyes are able to view this electromagnetic radiation like lights on an airport runway, to find their way to the flower’s nectar. Snakes have special sensory organs on the front of their heads that let them ‘see’ infrared waves, which they put to use with particular effectiveness when hunting for warm-blooded prey.

Consider our sense of sound. Humans can detect sounds in a frequency range from about 20 Hz to 20 kHz, though the upper limit in average adults is closer to 15–17 kHz (because humans lose some high-frequency sensitivity as they mature).

That range of sounds allows humans to hear many of the sounds produced in nature, but not all. Any frequency that is below the human range is known as infrasound. It is so low that it may be detected only by a creature with big ears, such as an Elephant or by specialized instruments designed by scientists to detect the low frequency sounds that precede avalanches and earthquakes. Any frequency that is above the human frequency range is known as ultrasound. Bats and Dolphins use ultrasound frequencies as high as 200,000 Hz to help them navigate via echolocation.

Most dogs can hear sound frequencies as high as 47,000 to 65,000 Hz which is far too high-pitched for humans to hear. That is why dogs can be trained to detect when their owner is about to experience a seizure. Dogs ears are also much more sensitive to loud sounds than ours, which is probably why fireworks, thunderstorms and vacuum cleaners send them scurrying for cover.

Consider our sense of smell. Humans have 396 olfactory receptors which are employed to help us pick up scents. Almost all animals, however, have a larger number of olfactory receptors than humans (rabbits have 768 olfactory receptors) which provides them with an excellent ability to smell. 

Among the animals with the greatest sense of smell are bears whose sense of smell is 300 times better than humans and is capable of detecting a deceased animal from up to 20 miles away; elephants who can smell water sources from up to 12 miles away; sharks who can smell the presence of a drop of blood in almost 100 liters of water; and bloodhounds whose sense of smell is 2,100 times better than that of a human’s and can detect trace amounts of drugs and explosives inside packages.

When you consider all these blind spots in our senses, it is obvious that humans live in a world in which many sights, sounds and smells exist that are beyond the ability of our limited senses to detect; and those that we can detect can be compromised by our overactive minds. It’s enough to make you think that all human perception is, fundamentally, just an illusion; or as Bob Dylan keenly observed “All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie“.

It could well be that we are each living in our own virtual reality world, bound by the limitations of our physical senses and the tricks employed by our minds. Dr Laeng believes we each do live in a virtual reality world. Much of what we see is an illusion, but we are not really being tricked – he believes the visual illusions help to reveal the mismatches between what our eyes see and what our mind’s eye thinks is happening.

So what lessons can we take away about how to live our lives knowing the limits of our senses and the tendency of our brains to trick us into seeing what it wants us to see.

One lesson is that we should remind ourselves that things are not always what they appear. It is possible for two people to witness the same event but still give contradictory descriptions of what they saw; even though they are certain their description of events are true. Knowing that our eyes are susceptible to being tricked should make the criminal justice system wary of judging guilt based solely on the testimony of eye-witnesses.

Another lesson is to be careful of letting our minds be swayed by our pre-conceived biases and political opinions. If we each live in our own virtual worlds then we need to be careful of falling into the trap of accepting information that matches our biases and opinions while discarding facts that don’t. If more people were careful to seek out an objective, agreed-upon, reality then maybe there would be less disagreement and discord in today’s society.

Finally, we should all be humbled and filled with wonder knowing that what our senses reveal to us is only a small portion of the great wide-world we live in. There is a whole universe out there beyond our human senses – a twilight zone if you will, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of the mind, one where there is so much more for us to discover.

The Dirt of Gossip Blows into my Face

Frank Sinatra was my Dad’s favorite singer and one of the most popular and influential musical artists of the 20th century, selling more than 150 million records during his long music career. His rise to fame began in the the 1940’s and lasted all the way into the 1990’s, when my Mom and Dad actually got to see him perform live on a concert stage in Worcester, MA.

Nostalgic memories of my Dad cheerfully crooning old Sinatra tunes led me to a Netflix documentary called Sinatra: All Or Nothing At All; which documents Frank’s 60 year career from its humble beginnings to his life as a music giant, touching on all the personal battles he struggled with along the way.

Francis Albert Sinatra was born in Hoboken New Jersey in 1915, the only child of Italian immigrants. His energetic and driven mother and his illiterate father were the proprietors of a tavern in Hoboken. Frank spent much of his time there after school working on his homework and singing along to the tunes on the bar’s player piano for spare change. He developed an interest in music at a young age, particularly big band jazz, and was especially influenced by the intimate easy listening vocal style of Bing Crosby.

Sinatra got his break fronting popular bandleaders Harry James and Tommy Dorsey and found success as a solo artist in 1941 when he began topping the male singer polls. His appeal to the teenage girls of that time revealed a whole new audience for popular music – which had been recorded mainly for adults up to that time. His popularity became officially known as “Sinatramania” and his bright blue eyes earned him the nickname “Ol’ Blue Eyes“.

Frank never learned how to read music, but he worked very hard to improve his singing abilities by working regularly with a vocal coach. He became known as a perfectionist, renowned for his dress sense and performing presence and insisting on recording all his songs in front of a live band.

Sinatra led a colorful personal life. He was often involved in turbulent affairs with women, had connections to Mafia bosses, and had several violent and well publicized confrontations with journalists and work bosses he felt had crossed him.

Despite the negative publicity, everyone recognized the important contributions Frank Sinatra made to society through his music. He was honored with America’s highest awards and was named by music critic Robert Christgau as “the greatest singer of the 20th century“. He died in 1998 but he remains to this day an iconic and popular figure.

In 1995 a birthday tribute, Sinatra: 80 Years My Way, was broadcast from Los Angeles featuring a star-studded cast of performers singing songs meant to honor the “Chairman of the Board“. I was surprised to learn that Bob Dylan, my favorite artist, was among the cast of performers who appeared on stage that night.

On the surface, it seems like Frank Sinatra and Bob Dylan would be unlikely to have much in common. After all, they come from different generations and practiced totally different musical styles. Frank worked with a big band using his smooth velvet voice to interpret other people’s songs; while Dylan wrote and sung his own material employing his unique rough and weathered blues voice.

But the two artists had great respect for one another and if you dig deep into the life and careers of the two men it is not hard to understand why:

• Both men came from humble beginnings; Frank the son of blue collar workers and Tavern owners in Hoboken NJ and Bob the son of a Hibbing MN Appliance Store owner.
• Both were self-made men who dropped out of school to pursue their musical interests. Frank would sing for free on NY Radio stations and found jobs singing for cigarettes or his supper. Bob hitchhiked across the country singing at Folk Clubs and coffee shops for tips and crashing on friend’s couches in New York’s Greenwich Village.
• Both men had to learn how to cope with the fame and attention that comes with achieving sudden fame and popularity. Sinatra had to travel with bodyguards while Dylan learned to disguise himself in public and hide his family away from the hordes of fans who would show up at his doorstep at all hours of the day and night to ask him his opinions about politics and the meaning of life.
• Both men had a small circle of loyal friends who they trusted, both lived through a series of romantic relationships, and both were known to be moody for wanting to protect their privacy and do things their way.
• Both men spoke out against injustice. Frank publicly championed the rights of all people, regardless of race and set an example by the diverse group of people he associated with in his personal life. Bob wrote the great Civil Rights anthems of the 1960’s that encouraged passing of the landmark 1960’s Civil Rights laws.
• Both men managed to have successful musical careers for more than 60 years. One was simply referred to as “The Voice“; while the other was burdened by the press with the title of the “Voice of his Generation“.
• Both men were primarily responsible for what is known as “The Great American Songbook“. Frank’s iconic singing of the work of the great songwriters from the 1940 and 50’s led to the first Great American Songbook; while Bob Dylan’s original and poetic songs became classics and the key components of America’s second Great American Songbook.
• Both men were honored with the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the Congressional Gold Medal and Grammy Lifetime Achievement Awards. Both men were included in Time Magazine’s list of the 20th century’s 100 Most Influential People.

Even though the two men were not close, it is not surprising that they would each have admiration and respect for one another – simply because of the similarities between their life experiences. Dylan once told an amusing story about the first time he met Frank which indicates the two men knew they were made of stuff that was a cut above everyone else.

“We were standing on his patio at night when he took me aside and said, ‘You and me, pal, we got blue eyes, we’re from up there,’ and he pointed to the stars. ‘These other bums are from down here.’ I remember thinking that he might be right.”

Bob Dylan relating what Frank Sinatra said to him at their first meeting

While browsing Youtube, I was happy to stumble across this [video clip] of Bob Dylan singing his song “Restless Farewell” to Frank at his 1995 80th birthday television tribute. The lyrics for this poignant song are reprinted below:

Restless Farewell by Bob Dylan

Oh, all the money that in my whole life I did spend
Be it mine right or wrongfully
I let it slip gladly to my friends
To tie up the time most forcefully
But the bottles are done
We've killed each one
And the table's full and overflowed
And the corner sign says it's closing time
So I'll bid farewell and be down the road

Oh, ev'ry girl that ever I've touched
I did not do it harmfully
And ev'ry girl that ever I've hurt
I did not do it knowin'ly
But to remain as friends you need the time
To make amends and stay behind
And since my feet are now fast
And point away from the past
I'll bid farewell and be down the line

Oh, ev'ry foe that ever I faced
The cause was there before we came
And ev'ry cause that ever I fought
I fought it full without regret or shame
But the dark does die
As the curtain is drawn and somebody's eyes 
Must meet the dawn 
And if I see the day, I'd only have to stay
So I'll bid farewell in the night and be gone

Oh, ev'ry thought that's strung a knot in my mind
I might go insane if it couldn't be sprung
But it's not to stand naked under unknowin' eyes
It's for myself and my friends my stories are sung
But the time ain't tall
Yet on time you depend and no word is possessed by no special friend
And though the line is cut, it ain't quite the end
I'll just bid farewell till we meet again

Oh, a false clock tries to tick out my time
To disgrace, distract and bother me
And the dirt of gossip blows into my face
And the dust of rumors covers me
But if the arrow is straight
And the point is slick
It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
So I'll make my stand and remain as I am
And bid farewell and not give a damn

I can’t help thinking that Bob chose to sing this particular song as a farewell because it beautifully captures the independent spirit and steadfast nature of both Frank Sinatra and Bob Dylan; two men who walked in the same shoes, trying to live life to the fullest and navigating the journey on their own terms.

I believe the song captures the essence of both men. Both men lived life generously, sharing their fortune with friends, family and worthy causes. Both men loved greatly and regret past hurts to companions that can’t be undone. Both men picked up the torch to fight battles to overcome injustice, battles that must now be picked up by others. Finally, both men remained true to themselves, refusing to be swayed by public opinion or what impact their actions would have on their popularity.

The last verse is especially striking to me. As Frank Sinatra is nearing the end of his life, does he feel bewildered and bothered by a false clock that is trying to tick out his time? Does he remember all the “dirt of gossip” that blew into his face through the years or think about the “dust of rumors” that seemed to always cover him? If he does, Bob advises Frank not to give a damn about it because Frank was always a straight arrow with a sharp point and “if the arrow is straight and the point is slick it can pierce through dust no matter how thick“.

Maybe the reason both men were able to bust through the dust and dirt that swirled around their life is because when they got up to sing they had a way of capturing the universal emotions of the human spirit in a way that always felt true.

Frank expressed this exact sentiment directly when he was asked about all the gossip and innuendo that always seemed to surround him. He said; “Whatever else has been said about me personally is unimportant. When I sing, I believe I’m honest.“

So, here’s to those two restless spirits, Frank Sinatra and Bob Dylan; may they live forever through their music and may their music continue to remind all of us “other bums” to bravely pursue our lives with authenticity and honesty.

Memorable and Admirable

In an attempt to make more meaningful the days I have left, I have started a practice that I call Memorable & Admirable. It is a pretty simple practice; when I turn in for the evening, I lie in bed and think back over my day and I ask myself two questions:

• Did I do anything today that was memorable?
• Did I do anything today that was admirable?

On a good day I can usually single out one or two events that happened during the course of my day that I considered to be memorable and/or admirable.

But on many nights I do struggle to identify even a single memorable or admirable event that occurred during the course of my day. On those nights, I regret the day’s lost opportunities and find myself making resolutions to do a better job tomorrow.

All of us live with unforgettable memories; our first kiss, our graduation from college, our first job, our wedding day, the birth of our first child and grandchild. Those once-in-a-lifetime events have a powerful emotional impact on us because they enrich our life, bond us to others and help to define who we are.

Those big moments occur so rarely that they become burned into our memories. Research shows that most older people, when they look back on their lives, recall most of their big memories happening between the ages of 15 and 30 – a very narrow window that comprises less than 20% of the average lifespan. 

Is it because our memory is sharper when we are younger? No. It’s because most of us settle into a routine by our 30’s and life begins to lose its zest. I am typical I suppose, being in my 60’s, and finding it difficult to recall many memorable life events that occurred in my late 30’s.

It is easy to get trapped into a routine where habit begins to take over our lives. One day follows another, one month rolls into the next, we get lazy following comfortable patterns – and then before you know it, the calendar rolls over to a new year and we find ourselves wondering where the time went. The months and years begin to blur together because nothing new and shiny happens in our life.

I have learned that if you want to slow down time, you have to work at creating memories – you cannot leave it to chance. Chip Heath, a professor at Stanford Graduate School of Business, and co-author of the book The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact provides suggestions on how people can inject novelty into their life and create experiences that become both memorable and meaningful.

Stimulate the Senses

Engaging our senses can make moments stand out more intensely. This is why concerts, museums and great meals stick in our memories and why sitting on the couch is so forgettable.

I remember, as if it was yesterday, standing 5 feet from the stage watching Bob Dylan play the piano and sing his Gospel song “Pressing On” in a small Worcester Auditorium when I was just 21 years old; and 36 years later listening to the wall of inspired sound created by Neil Young & Crazy Horse as they rocked a packed Boston concert audience.

I also have lasting memories from my youth of tasting fresh rhubarb, carrots and tomatoes right out of the garden; and when I was much older, of eating scorpions, chicken feet, drunken prawns, pepper crab and Schweinsbraten during my frequent international business trips.

When our bodies are stimulated by our faculties of sight, smell, hearing, taste, or touch – our brains work overtime to record the experience.

Raise the Stakes

Memories are more readily made when we participate in activities where we have something to gain or lose. Competing in a sporting event is more exciting than watching one and betting on a sporting event makes watching it more entertaining.

I remember tension-filled Dart tournaments where my performance made the difference between my team winning or losing the league trophy; as well as pleasant days spent at the race track with my father, studying the racing program and being thrilled when the dog I picked won their race.

And of course, there are the trunk full of memories I have from the family’s annual pressure-packed Pitch tournaments – the winners of which are crowned the reigning Pitch King & Queen with their names enshrined on the tournament jersey entitling them to bragging rights throughout the year. Every year the family has fun reminiscing about the exploits of past card tournaments.

When the stakes are raised, people pay attention.

Break the Script

In order to get past the routine autopilot of our day to day lives, we have to do something that will break the script. When we do something different we defy expectations and surprise people.

Chip Heath, in his book, described how Southwest Airlines broke the script when they changed the wording of their flight safety announcement. One of the lines they added was:

If you should get to use the life vest in a real-life situation, the vest is yours to keep.

People loved it and it got the typically distracted passengers to break off whatever they were doing and listen more closely to the safety announcement. Southwest reported that those who heard the new messages actually flew more, resulting in an extra $140 million per year in revenue for the company.

Breaking the script can produce delightful moments.

One such delightful moment in my life occurred because I happened to invite my wife to go trout fishing with my Dad and I. We had been fishing buddies for more than 40 years and we had a well-worn routine consisting of which separate stretches of the river we would fish and what we would pack for lunch (usually peanut butter crackers and a beer).

We broke the script by adding my wife to the mix. Her addition encouraged us to all fish together and when it came time for lunch she surprised us with a gourmet picnic comprised of cheese and crackers, shrimp, lobster sandwiches and wine. I’ll never forget my Dad’s eyes twinkling with mirth and bemusement as we sat on the blanket sipping our wine next to the singing river.

Celebrate Milestones

The best way to commemorate achievements is to celebrate them – especially with the people you like most. Research shows that our accomplishments take on increased meaning when we take the time to appreciate what we’ve accomplished.

So do something to celebrate those birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, promotions, retirements, etc. Don’t save the celebration for big events only.

Celebrating a silly milestones can be an effective way to “break the script” so that an event becomes even more memorable. My friend, who is a New York Yankees fan, used to have a 1918 party every year celebrating the last time the Boston Red Sox had won the World Series (fortunately he had to stop hosting that party in 2004).

For good measure, we can also set goals for ourselves that will lead to milestones we can celebrate at some point in the future. Doing that motivates us to achieve our goals and it leads to moments of pride that we will be able to celebrate in the future.

Overcoming Adversity

Why do armies put their recruits through high ordeal boot camp training and why do fraternities subject their pledges to harsh hazing? It is because struggling strengthens the bonds between people and experiencing adversity forms strong memory attachments in the brain.

I have vivid memories of all the crazy and senseless things I was asked to do when I pledged my college fraternity more than 42 years ago, but I have kept in contact with my fraternity “brothers” throughout all those years and we have fun reminiscing fondly about those youthful days.

For many years I was a volunteer member of a prison ministry team. We would spend exhausting 3-Day weekends conducting spiritual retreats inside Massachusetts, New York and New Hampshire State Prison facilities.

It was hard work and the preparation was very time consuming, but some of the most spiritual moments of my life came while witnessing the prisoners and my ministry teammates share their faith stories over the course of the retreat.

So adversity can be a blessing if you want to create lasting memories – especially if you go through it with somebody else. You will be surprised how often you will look back fondly on times that you worked to help others fulfill their dreams – even though it seemed like a chore at the time.

Build Moments of Connection

For most people, it’s relationships with the people we love that brings us the most happiness. Vacations, reunions and holidays are ideal times to create moments of connection that will deepen our relationships with others.

To celebrate my parent’s 60th wedding anniversary in 2008 my siblings rented a beautiful Lake House and the whole family spent the week celebrating the love my parents had for each other and the loving sacrifices they made to raise 8 children.

Each of their children read a heartfelt letter honoring them and thanking them for all the happy memories and life lessons we learned from them while growing up.

The week spent together was magical; filled with fishing, peaceful boat rides, lobster and clam bakes, competitive kickball and card games, marriage renewal vows and joyous dancing. We formed a deep connection with one another during that week and it resulted in a lifetime of memories.

Moments of connection can be built on a large scale, like that Anniversary party or on a much smaller, but still meaningful scale. One such meaningful connection for me was when my teenage daughter was given a school assignment to bake a loaf of bread.

I was happy when she asked me to assist her with the project because it gave me an opportunity to spend meaningful time with her and to bond doing something together (plus I learned how to bake bread!).

Finally, you can build connections with others even if you don’t really know them. My wife, who works for a Hospice agency, told me about the time Bill Atkinson, a member of the NH Police Association Pipes and Drums and a Captain with Nashua Fire Rescue, came to the Community Hospice House and stood outside the facility playing a bagpipe concert for the patients and staff. The music could be heard from all four corners of the house – and you can bet that the staff and those residents facing life’s end were bonded in a holy moment of spiritual connection.

Admirable moments can also be memorable moments but not necessarily – and I think that is how it should be in most cases. We should do admirable things because it helps to make the world a better place – not because we are trying to create memories.

When I take inventory of my day, asking myself if I did anything that was admirable, my mind searches for moments when I went out of my way to do something that was unselfish, considered someone else’s needs rather than my own or made sacrifices to better myself or others.

Participating in these moments of introspection has led me to wonder about which character traits society as a whole should consider admirable. The ones that come most often to my mind are:

• Honesty & Integrity – Try my best to be honest with myself and others. Be true to my word. Take ownership of my faults and failings.
• Humility & Modesty –  Remember that life is fragile and my time on earth is brief. In the vast scheme of things I am just a simple, insignificant person. Don’t brag about my accomplishments – act more, talk less.
• Compassion – Imagine yourself in the other’s person’s shoes. Treat others the way you would like yourself to be treated.
• Discipline & Hard Work – Good things come to those who are disciplined and willing to work hard. Fight the urge for instant gratification by pursuing long term satisfaction.
• Courage – When we face trouble and problems in our life, it is natural to look for an easy way out. A person with courage tackles adversity head-on, not shrinking from the hard road, no matter where it leads.
• Leadership – It takes a special person to stand up and give direction to others. 
• Humor – Don’t take life too seriously – try to laugh at yourself and the things around you once in a while.

Each of us may have a different list of qualities that we consider admirable, that is OK and that is what contributes to making different people so interesting. The point is that it is important for all of us to subscribe to a set of admirable ethics and to look for opportunities to practice them every day.

So good luck creating memories and practicing admirable acts in your life. I hope you will find that you also benefit from the happy side-effect I started experiencing when I began concentrating on my days memorable and admirable events at bedtime: Peaceful Dreams!

It’s Not Dark Yet, But it’s Getting There

I recently celebrated my 60th birthday – a moment of reckoning in one’s life when it seems appropriate to reflect on the bygone days of youth while also wondering what form life will take during the inevitable transition to old age.

The 60th birthday is considered a major milestone in many cultures. In China, someone who has reached the age of 60 is considered to have completed a full life cycle. The 60th birthday is commemorated with great extravagance because it is considered by them to be the beginning of a second life. 

When I think about it, it does seem to me as if I have lived a full life cycle. After all, what more can a man ask out of 60 years of life than to be born into a loving family; be bestowed with good health and a good education; be fulfilled with a satisfying job and rewarding career; be fortunate to find and share in the love of two beautiful women – who made me a proud father, step-father and grandfather to children who are now on their way to living out their own successful life cycles.

It’s funny to think back now of memories I have of playing the old Milton Bradley Board Game of Life in my College apartment with my future fiance and our friends. The game simulates a person’s travels through his or her life, from college to retirement, with jobs, marriage and possible children along the way. The overall goal is to retire as the wealthiest player at the end of the game.

Milton Bradley’s Game of Life

The decisions players make along the way – which include purchasing insurance policies, bank mortgages and stock investments – determine who wins the game of life and who spends their retirement days in Millionaire Estates, Countryside Acres, or the Poorhouse Farm.

Seems like only yesterday I was playing that game, but it was 40 years ago, and I realize I am now at a point where I have completed most of my personal life decisions and ought to be thankful for getting to the end with a winning hand.

I may not have retired the wealthiest man, or live in a Millionaire Estate, but I do live in a comfortable home in a bucolic setting which could easily pass for Countryside Acres. No matter what happens now, I can’t really lose at the game of life because I’ve already won – I’m playing with house money!

One glaring omission in the Life board game that I didn’t notice at the time (because no one who is young ever thinks about getting old) was that it stops at retirement – the end of our 1st life cycle.

The game does not ask the players to consider Medicare or Social Security benefits, Long Term Care insurance, Health Care Proxies, Wills and Trusts, Durable Power of Attorneys, Assisted Living and Nursing Homes, Disability, Hospice, Death, Funerals and burial decisions. All of those elements make up the domain of the second life cycle.

The unrecognizable face of the old man staring back at me from the mirror reminds me that I’m running out of time; as do these song lyrics that I find shuffling more often now in the soundtrack in my mind:

“I don’t look like I used to, I don’t walk like I used to, I don’t love like I used to. Oh… I can’t do the things I used to because I feel old”

“I feel Old” by the Heartless Bastards

“Ain’t gonna need this body much longer, ain’t gonna need this body much more. I put in 10 million hours. Washed up and worn out for sure”

“Don’t Need this Body” by John Mellencamp

“I was born here and I’ll die here, against my will. I know it looks like I’m moving, but I’m standin’ still… Don’t even hear the murmur of a prayer, It’s not dark yet, but it’s gettin’ there”

“Not Dark Yet” by Bob Dylan

I am beginning my journey into the realm of the second life. From what I have observed, people who first enter this realm can become bewildered and embarrassed by the onset of old age and all of the infirmities that begin to come with it.

I was struck by this paragraph from the Grace Paley short story “Friends“, because it captures the awkward unsaid sentiments aging friends can experience when they haven’t seen each other in a while:

People do want to be remembered as young and beautiful. When they meet in the street, male or female, if they’re getting older they look at each other’s face a little ashamed. It’s clear they want to say, ‘Excuse me, I didn’t mean to draw attention to mortality and gravity all at once. I didn’t want to remind you, my dear friend, of our coming eviction, first from liveliness, then from life’. To which, most of the time, the friend’s eyes will courteously reply, ‘My dear, it’s nothing at all. I hardly noticed’.

“Friends” by Grace Paley

My wife’s work at a hospice agency reminds me every week that the end comes before we know it and when it does it is usually painful and undignified. To focus only on this inevitability, however, is a distraction that diminishes all the possibilities for living a rewarding second life.

Instead it is better, I think, to focus on encouraging past research that shows people tend to grow steadily happier as they age. As the moodiness and demands of youth subsides, maturity seems to bring more contentment.

In a Pew Research Center survey, seven-in-ten respondents ages 65 and older said they were enjoying more time with their family, more financial security and more time for volunteer work, travel and hobbies. Sixty percent said they feel more respected and have less stress than when they were younger.

But there is some conflicting research on the subject of aging and happiness and some experts say contentment, no matter what the age, boils down to one thing: Attitude. They say attitude is everything and that the qualities that most contribute to feelings of contentment as we age include:

• Optimism – Older people seem to display a more positive outlook on life than their younger, stressed-out counterparts. As a person’s life expectancy decreases, they tend to focus on what makes them feel good today; rather than mulling over past regrets or future worries. They live in the moment focusing on what is good in their life rather than what has not been achieved.
• Less Want – Jackie Coller wrote: “There are two ways to be rich: One is by acquiring much, and the other is by desiring little.” The Buddhists believe that it is the human mind’s craving for things that is the source of suffering. As we age, we tend to become more comfortable and accepting of our lot in life and our role in society – thus reducing the conflicts and anxieties that come with constantly wanting to change our situation.
• Humor – Mark Twain said that “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.” Being funny is possibly one of the best things you can do for your health. You can almost think of a sense of humor as your mind’s immune system.

Even though humor improves people’s overall quality of life, it is a hard habit for some people to adopt and practice. They take life too seriously and find it difficult to laugh at themselves or the frequent absurdities that make up our daily life.

In the novel East of Eden, John Steinbeck writes about an encounter an overly serious young girl has with her wise old Chinese friend:

“Do you think it’s funny to be so serious when I’m not even out of high school?” she asked. “I don’t see how it could be any other way, ” said Lee. “Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth, and laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death, and sometimes it isn’t in time.”

“East of Eden” by John Steinbeck

With all this in mind, my simple goals for pursuing a second life filled with contentment are:

• to stay optimistic (60 may be old, but it is the youth of old age!)
• to want less (have few desires, be satisfied with what you have!)
• to cultivate my sense of humor (like George Carlin who joked when he turned 60 years of age that he was only 16 Celsius!)

If I am able to a accomplish those goals then maybe I will be lucky enough to feel like Ben Franklin who, at the goodly age of 84, wrote these words as he was preparing for the end of his remarkable second life…

“Let us sit till the evening of life is spent; the last hours were always the most joyous. I look upon death to be as necessary to to our constitution as sleep. We shall rise refreshed in the morning.”

Taken from “The First American – The Life and Times of Benjamin Franklin” by H.W. Brands

Time out of Mind

Time is a familiar but mysterious concept. We think about and use it every day, yet it is difficult to describe what it actually is. Saint Augustine puzzled about time when he wrote, “What is time? If no one asks me, I know. But if I wish to explain it to someone who asks, I know not.”

Poets and philosophers throughout the ages have eloquently tried to capture how their senses perceive Time by using phrases such as; “Time is fleeting“, “Time waits for no man“, “Time heals all wounds” and “Time stands still“. None of these phrases, however, succeed in advancing a deeper understanding of the mystery that is Time.

My background in engineering led me to wonder about the concept of Time beyond the typical artistic and philosophical musings – to explore what science actually had to say about the mysterious subject. So, with curiosity and time on my hands, my search led me to an online course called the Physics of Time. In this month’s blog I will share some of the interesting insights I learned about Time from that course.

Time can be examined from two separate scientific perspectives. The first is a biological perspective which deals with internal human body clocks and how the brain processes and perceives time. The second is an external cosmological perspective which has to do with the origin and evolution of time in the known universe.

Human bodies and brains have a natural way to recognize the passing of time because we have predictable biological clocks – like breathing and the beating of our hearts – that exist within each of us .

With a heart rate of about 60 beats per minute and a lifespan of roughly 70 years, the human heart will beat approximately 2 billion times. Chickens have a much faster heart rate of about 275 beats per minute, and live only 15 years – but their hearts, in the end, will also have 2 billion lifetime heartbeats.

Science has observed that the hearts of most animals will beat somewhere between 1-2 billion times but there is an inverse relationship between heart rate and lifespan. In general, the faster the heart rate, the shorter the life span. I wonder if those animals who live fast and die young perceive time any differently than us longer life-span creatures.

Besides the heart and the breath, Neuroscientists have identified three kinds of timekeeping devices inside our brains. One part of the brain keeps track of what time of day it is, another part keeps track of how much time has passed while doing certain tasks and still other parts of the brain serve as alarm clocks for events set to happen in the future.

Different neuron pulses working together in the brain help us to perceive the passage of time. These pulses can be affected by stimulants, such as caffeine, and depressants, such as alcohol which interfere with neurotransmitters in ways that make our internal clocks speed up or slow down.

We experience other biological processes that don’t repeat themselves but still contribute to our awareness of time passing: We age; we think; we make choices; we plan for the future; we remember the past. All these different aspects of time are crucial to what it means to live our lives and be human beings. Perhaps the most important aspect of our awareness of the passage of time is the accumulation of experiences.

People have observed that when they are focused on a task, they don’t pay as much attention to the outside world or to their internal clock. This causes their internal timekeeping devices to slow down while the outside world speeds up. For example, I am surprised how quickly the hours elapse while I am engrossed watching my favorite sports teams compete in a big game.

In contrast, when we are bored and not focused on any one task, the opposite effect happens. Our internal clock seems to go faster while the outside world seems to slow down. For example, when I am stuck on an airplane with nothing to do, the plane trip seems to last forever.

Scientist have reported that subjects in high-stress experiments recollect that time slowed down for them during stressful events. One theory behind this phenomenon is that the more memories we accumulate, the more time we think has passed. Our brains, when we are in a high-stress situation, does its best to record absolutely everything. It accumulates a huge amount of data, so when you think about the situation afterward, you have more memories to leaf through—and, therefore, it seems as if more time has passed.

This theory gets support from the fact that time seems to pass more quickly as we age. Summer seemed to last forever when we were children, but it seems to rush by as we get older. It may be that when we were young in the summertime, such activities as going to the beach were new to us, but as we get older we experience fewer interesting new things. Our brains don’t take in as much new information and we create fewer memories than a child would; thus, time seems to pass more quickly for us compared to when we were a child.

To understand Time from a cosmological perspective is difficult because it requires the human mind to reckon with complex physical laws of the universe that were set in place at the beginning of the universe – and to consider hard to grasp time spans that are billions of years in length.

Most physicists believe Time began approximately 13.8 billion years ago with a singular event known as the Big Bang – the so called “birth” of the universe – a point where space underwent rapid expansion and the laws of physics as we understand them came into being. The Earth is about 4.5 billion years old, so it is a substantial fraction of the age of the universe.

At the beginning, all matter in the universe was densely packed and its temperature was extremely high. About 380,000 years after the Big Bang, the universe cooled sufficiently to allow the formation of subatomic particles and simple atoms. Giant clouds of these primordial elements later coalesced through gravity into matter, eventually forming early stars, galaxies and the other astronomical structures that are observable today.

The feature of matter that is inextricably linked with time is called entropy. Entropy is a way of talking about the disorderliness of “stuff” in the universe. It is the natural tendency of things to lose order over time. For example, a whole egg is very orderly, but if we break the egg, it becomes disorderly; if we scramble the egg, it becomes even more disorderly. A scientist would say that the egg moves from a low entropy state to a high entropy state.

In the long run, nothing escapes the Second Law of Thermodynamics

Entropy is the only quantity in the physical sciences that seems to imply a particular direction of progress, sometimes called an arrow of time. As time progresses, the second law of thermodynamics states that the entropy of an isolated system never decreases over significant periods of time. Entropy measurement can be thought of as a clock and things only happen in one direction of time – not the other. The past is always defined to be the direction in which entropy was lower.

The pull of entropy on matter is relentless. Everything decays. Disorder always increases. The increasing entropy of our universe over time underlies all the ways in which the past is different from the future.

It is the reason why you can disperse the scent of perfume from a bottle into a room, but cannot put the scent back into the bottle; the reason why you can mix cream into your coffee, but cannot un-mix it; the reason why cars eventually break down; the reason you remember the past and not the future; the reason you are born young and grow older; the reason you can make a choice about what to have for dinner tomorrow, but not about what to have for dinner yesterday.

When energy is in a low-entropy form, it can do useful work. When energy is converted into a high-entropy form, it becomes useless. We have fossil fuels sitting in the ground with energy in them in a concentrated form. We can extract the energy to do useful work because the entropy of the fuel is low. Once the fuel is burned it is converted to its high entropy form and it can no longer perform useful work. You can heat a room in your house by burning coal, but you cannot cool off a room in your house by unburning fuel and turning it into coal.

The common thread in these examples is irreversibility: Something happens in one direction, and it is easy to make it happen, but it does not happen in the other direction, or if it does, it is because we put effort into it. It does not spontaneously happen. Things go in one direction of time. They do not go back all by themselves.

It’s not time itself that treats the past, present, and future differently; it’s the arrow of time, which is ultimately dependent on all the “stuff” we have in the universe. It is the arrow of time that gives us the impression that time passes, that we progress through different moments. It’s not that the past is more real than the future; it’s that we know more about the past. We have different access to it than we have to the future.

Stephen Hawking combined the biological and cosmological elements of time into three distinct “arrow of time” components. First, there is the thermodynamic arrow of time—the direction of time in which disorder or entropy increases. Second, there is the psychological arrow of time. This is the direction in which we feel time passes—the direction of time in which we remember the past, but not the future. Third, there is the cosmological arrow of time. This is the direction of time in which the universe is expanding rather than contracting.

At the moment of the Big Bang our universe was in a condition of very
low entropy and very high organization. That’s what got time started in the way we experience it in our everyday lives. Ever since the Big Bang, we’ve been living out the process by which the universe increases in entropy. That’s the influential event in the aftermath of which all humans live.

At this point in time the universe is in a condition of medium entropy. It is today that we have galaxies and stars and planets and life on those planets. Complexity depends on entropy; it relies on the fact that entropy is increasing. We don’t have to worry about how complexity can arise in a universe that is evolving. The simple fact that entropy is increasing is what makes life possible.

Scientists have confirmed that the universe continues to expand. Distant galaxies are moving away from us, and the farther away they are, the faster they are receding. The amount of space between us and the other galaxies is increasing.

The second law of thermodynamics predicts that the total entropy of the universe will continue to increase until it reaches equilibrium. The universe will calm down and become colder and colder. Everything will scatter to the winds, evolution will stop and we will have empty space once again. It is speculated by some that after a googol (1 x 10 to the 100th power) years from now, our universe will be empty space and that empty space will last forever.

There are some however who believe instead that multiple universes exist. According to this idea, the Big Bang was an event that is quite small in the history of a much larger multiverse. We see only a finite bit of the universe;
perhaps farther away than what we can see, the universe looks very
different. The fact that our own universe is inflating gives some credibility to this idea.

Those who talk about the possibility of a multiverse are simply observing that there is a barrier in our universe’s past beyond which we cannot see.
Is there a finite amount of stuff out there? Is there an infinite amount of stuff that works exactly like the stuff we can see? Or is there an infinite amount of stuff and conditions that are very different from place to place? Until scientists can answer these questions, they can only speculate.

Regardless of which theory you believe about how the universe will ultimately evolve, we can say that all scientists agree that the universe is a complicated system, embedded in an environment that is far from equilibrium and that there is something called entropy that characterizes the organization or disorganization of us and our environment and results in the evolution of matter.

No discussion of Time would be complete without mentioning
one of the most important contributions ever made to science – Albert Einstein’s 1905 publishing of the Theory of Special Relativity. Before Einstein, physicists thought of time as simple and absolute, a steady linear flow separate from the three dimensions of space.

Einstein showed that time is not simple and absolute but is actually influenced by speed and gravity. He stated that there is a link between motion in space and the passage of time. Space and time are fused together in what Einstein called 4 dimensional space-time.

Einstein theorized that Time runs more slowly for an object if it is in motion. Scientists proved this by synchronizing two atomic clocks and placing one clock in a stationary location and the other clock on a plane that was flown around the world. Upon landing, the clocks were no longer synchronized, the one that had been on the plane was milliseconds behind the one that was stationary – indicating less time had elapsed for the moving clock.

With Einstein’s relativity discovery, there is no such thing as one moment of time throughout the universe that everyone agrees on. Space and time are not absolute; they are relative – which means what we call time can be different for different observers.

How much time passes for an object depends on how you move through the universe. The network of satellites in space that carry precision atomic clocks for the global positioning system must be constantly compensated because they “lose” seven microseconds per day compared to ground clocks that are operating in a “slower time stream”.

The faster something moves, the “slower” it ages. Physicists call this effect time dilation. Theoretically, under its influence, a space voyager could return to Earth after a 20-year voyage to find himself hundreds of years in the future. To carry time dilation to its absolute extreme—as we approach travel at the speed of light, it is possible that time stops and immortality begins.

Space-time, Einstein’s four-dimensional reality of our universe, is a collection of an infinite number of events, just as space is a collection of an infinite number of points indexed by the three dimensions of space. Just as we think of all space as being “out there”, Einstein said we should think of all time as also being out there: “The difference between Past, Present, and Future is only an illusion, however persistent“.

I must admit that my deep dive into the science of time raised as many questions as it answered – but that doesn’t mean my study was a waste of my time. On the contrary, I gained some wisdom about life and walk away with a list of important things to remember that will help me make the most of whatever time I have left.

• Remember that we are very, very small – Mankind is like a grain of sand in the vast Sahara Desert, occupying an infinitesimally small place in the universe. The astronomer Carl Sagan said that earth is nothing more than “a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam and our time amounts to nothing more than a blip“. Compared to the enormity of the cosmos and the eternity of time, it is wise for us to keep an attitude of humility, remembering the short duration of our life and the insignificance of our daily struggles.
• Be grateful we are alive – In a world full of matter, humans have been fortunate to form over time into a remarkable collection of atoms that are alive, conscious and capable of love and memory. As far as we know, we are the most advanced form of life in the wide universe. In his book Cat’s Cradle, Kurt Vonnegut expresses wonder and gratitude for the gift it was to have become what he called some of the “sitting up” kind of mud in the universe.

“God made mud.
God got lonesome.
So God said to some of the mud, “Sit up!”
“See all I’ve made,” said God, “the hills, the sea, the
sky, the stars.”
And I was some of the mud that got to sit up and look
around.
Lucky me, lucky mud.
I, mud, sat up and saw what a nice job God had done.
Nice going, God.
Nobody but you could have done it, God! I certainly
couldn’t have.
I feel very unimportant compared to You.
The only way I can feel the least bit important is to
think of all the mud that didn’t even get to sit up and
look around.
I got so much, and most mud got so little.
Thank you for the honor!
Now mud lies down again and goes to sleep.
What memories for mud to have!
What interesting other kinds of sitting-up mud I met!
I loved everything I saw!
Good night.
I will go to heaven now.
I can hardly wait… Amen

Kurt Vonnegut “Cat’s Cradle”

• Embrace change – Entropy is a natural law, we can’t repeal it or wish it away. Entropy is what helps us to evolve and it is what makes life complex and interesting. So, rather than fight change – which is inevitable – it is healthier for us to embrace the change in our life and determine how we can best use it to evolve in ways that make us better.
• Be Mindful of the Present – Sometimes it can be impossible to focus entirely on the present because it comes with an echo of the past and a foretaste of the future. Our minds typically refuse to stay in the present, constantly regretting a past that can never be undone or anxiously awaiting a future that may never arrive. The mind can be trained with Mindful Meditation techniques that teach us how to live “outside of time”, focusing our attention on each passing moment, slowing our perception of time and relieving us of our anxiety over past and future events.
• Get busy and try something new – Time moves more slowly for a body in motion and we perceive the passage of time as moving slower during those moments when we are creating new memories. That tells me if I want to make the most out of time I should be pursuing activities that keep me moving and learning new things.
• Don’t rule out the Divine – There is agreement among scientists that the universe started in a dense state of very low entropy and that it is expanding over time towards higher entropy. The questions that still puzzle scientists however is what triggered the Big Bang event and why did the universe start in such an unlikely state of low entropy? As a man of science and a man of God, I am somehow comforted when all questions cannot be answered and there is room in the discussions for us to ponder the possibility of a divine hand in the origin of the universe.

May you enjoy your own personal time travel trip – here’s hoping that you live every moment and love every day before your precious time slips away.

“And as to you life, I reckon you are the leavings of many deaths”

An essay written by Susanna Schrobsdorff  and published in the January 22, 2018 edition of Time Magazine tells the story of two widows who found solace with one another despite the grief and sadness they felt over the loss of their spouses.

The two widows were Lucy Kalanithi, wife of Paul Kalanithi, and John Duberstein, husband of Nina Riggs. Both Paul and Nina published memoirs in 2016 (titled When Breath Becomes Air and The Bright Hour) – about the emotions they were experiencing while struggling to cope with their terminal illnesses.

The essayist described how the ache of loss runs concurrently with gratitude in the two complementary memoirs. The author of each book expresses a thankfulness for the love they have accumulated but at the same time describe the acute pain they feel at the thought of leaving it all behind. One emotion enables the other.

Edel Rodriguez for TIME

Susanna wondered how the two widows, Lucy and John, who became acquaintances and close friends throughout the process of publishing and promoting their partner’s memoirs after they passed away – and who are now planning for a future together, must feel as they tour together reading the words written by the two people they loved so profoundly.

“Perhaps their old lives seem woven into their new life, one love spilling into the next, families merging, past and present overlapping. All of it can exist almost simultaneously. The laws of time are so easily warped.”

A lot of people attempt to make a clean start when beginning a new relationship, trying to leave old baggage behind. They worry that holding on to the past will prevent them from living fully in the present or that it will hinder them from strengthening the emotional bonds of a new relationship.

I have learned from experience that leaving your bags behind is not really an option nor should we want it to be. My perspective is informed by the parallels my life has had with the story of this surviving couple.

My first wife suffered from Breast Cancer and passed away at the age of 45 leaving me and my two young daughters to mourn her loss. By good fortune and divine grace another woman came into my life, kind and loving, with three young children who was recovering from a different and maybe more traumatic kind of loss, the painful divorce and breakup of her family.

We met at a time when we were both hurting and vulnerable but we began to heal our emotional wounds gradually by consoling one another, by being generous and understanding, and by concentrating on things our partner needed instead of focusing on our own sorrows.

Rather than trying to erase the baggage from our past – and the more than two decades of loving memories spent raising our families that went along with it – we embraced it, weaving the lessons of our past lives into our new love and using our past experiences to form a stronger bond together.

Walt Whitman recognized that we are the product of everything that came before us when he wrote “And as to you life, I reckon you are the leavings of many deaths“. I am the person I am because of the people that came before me. They struggled and they prospered and they transferred their life’s lessons and blessings to the next generations so that we could benefit.

They are no longer here but a part of them lives in me and in you. “Death” is merely another word for former life—or, more precisely, another word for forms of life that have now sprung into endlessly transforming other forms of life.

What a shame it would be if we failed to propagate the beauty and sadness we have experienced during our past lives into our daily life. Doing so would make us less alive. Life is richer when we share the joy that we experienced from the past and we become more grateful for our blessings when we think back to the aches of sorrow we experienced in our past life.

While talking about mourning for her mother, my daughter once said to me that “Learning how to accept endings is an essential part of living“. There is much wisdom in that sentiment I think. We must accept endings as they are inevitable – death and life are an endless process, inseparable from each other. By taking the essence of those we have lost and making it an essential component of our daily living we honor best the lives of those who have passed on.

So if you are wise, you will take the accumulated baggage from your past, weave it seamlessly into the fabric of your present life and share it with others – so that when it comes time for you to leave, you will know that you contributed to growing new life.

In the spirit of the upcoming Holiday Season, I will close with a passage written by Paul Kalanithi, the dying father, who knowing that his eight month daughter would not remember him, wrote her this touching note to read someday in the future:

“When you come to one of the many moments in your life where you must give account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, and done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man’s days with a sated joy unknown to me in all my prior years, a joy that doesn’t hunger for more and more but rests, satisfied.”

May your presence too always bring joy to the world and may those you love carry it forward with them to fertilize new life.

 

“You do what you do best, not what’s best to do”

In the novel, “Times Arrow“, author Martin Amis uses an interesting creative trick to unwind, in reverse order, the life story of a man. He makes the narrator an entity, or consciousness, who comes into being only at the moment of the man’s death; living inside the man and feeling his feelings – but having no access to his thoughts and no ability to control what he says or does.

The narrator, together with the reader, experiences time passing in reverse direction. We observe the man’s life progressing from death to birth (like a movie being rewound) as he becomes younger and younger during the course of the novel.

The entity tries to comprehend the overall meaning of the episodes being witnessed but most of the man’s life events confuse the entity and are commonly misinterpreted because they are being observed in reverse. This entity as narrator is puzzled, baffled by his environment, feels that the world does not really make sense but has an intuitive grasp that he will eventually come to discover the sources that are at the root of what is being observed.

That leaves it up to the reader to construct from the backward descriptions what is really happening  – which is challenging and disorienting at times because it requires the reader to interpret what the narrator is saying and invert the sequence of descriptions to discover what is taking place.

What the reverse narrative slowly reveals is that the man is a doctor – first living as an old man in comfortable retirement somewhere in the Northeast United States and then he earns his living practicing medicine as a hospital doctor. He seems to be running from a sordid past and is always fearful of something, changing his identity and home address several times.

In 1948 he travels to Portugal and after that makes his way to Auschwitz where he serves as a doctor in the German concentration camps (where the narrator observes that he brings Jews back to life, reunites them with their families and sends them home).

His wife in Germany does not seem to approve of his work, but their relationship and his state of mind significantly improves when he leaves Auschwitz to attend medical school (where he suddenly stops having the nightmares that have haunted him for years). In the end he moves home with his family and becomes a child as the narrator becomes resigned to the knowledge that his life will soon end at the man’s birth.

One of the recurrent themes of the novel is the consistent misinterpretation of events by the narrator due to the reverse narrative. Some of the more interesting incorrect conclusions that are reached while observing life in reverse order include:

• The doctor being observed getting stronger and more virile as he gradually gets younger and recovers from his elderly infirmities. The narrator doesn’t understand why the doctor isn’t happy and more appreciative of how much better he is feeling every day.
• The doctor is disparaged by the narrator because he is seen taking large bills from the Church collection basket and putting them into his wallet.
• The doctor’s actions to help people are viewed as hurtful by the narrator because people come to him well and leave sick and in pain. He implants tumors, breaks limbs, heals cuts with a knife and always makes sure he sends patients away in worse shape than when they arrived. It is simply accepted that that the doctor gives money to patients for making them feel worse and that people wait for an hour in a physician’s waiting room after being examined.
• Pimps are viewed positively because they give their prostitutes money and heal them from their bruises with blows.
• The doctor’s relationships are portrayed with stormy beginnings that slowly fade into pleasant romances. Love letters come from the fireplace or trash, and he fights with women before going to bed with them.

The alarming irony is that the world only starts making sense to the narrator once the doctor reaches Auschwitz. In the crematories, the doctor’s work seems magical. Smoke is turned into thousands of corpses, and the corpses are given life. Gold is placed in the mouths of these bodies, and hair is put on their heads. Families are assembled with the perfect matchmaking skills of the Nazis and “channeled back into society.” The ghettos disappear and people are ferried back to their village homes.

The author makes a powerful argument that only in a completely upside-down, backward world do the actions of an evil Nazi regime during the Holocaust become comprehensible.

 

Some people say that the best way to live life is looking forward because there is nothing that we can do to change the past – but reading this book highlighted to me the value of looking back and contemplating what we should be doing today to avoid being haunted by regrets in the future.

At one point in the novel the narrator observes that people most often do what they do best, not what’s best to do. The doctor ended up tortured with nightmares and a lifetime of regrets for the actions he took early in his life – simply because he fell into the trap of taking the easy path of doing what he did best, rather than taking the more uncomfortable path of doing what he felt best.

The backwards journey the doctor travels from the state of a sinful, haunted war criminal to that of an immaculate being makes it clear that the doctor was not a monster when he was born and that he only became that way because he never pushed back to do what he felt would be best.

I think we are all guilty at times in our life of ignoring or going along with injustice and evil because it is difficult to fight and can lead to unpleasant negative consequences for us or our loved ones. In Bob Dylan’s song “Political World” he points to this problem with our culture when he sang “As soon as you’re awake you’re trained to take what looks like the easy way out“.

I think we would all do well to consider the lessons learned from this novel whenever we encounter difficult situations in our life – times when we are asked to do something that bothers our conscience or our sense of justice and fairness.

Hopefully, each of us will have the courage at those times to do what is best to do, even if it is difficult, so that we do not have to ever look back and relive our life with regrets.

 

 

“love that well which thou must leave ere long”

I was browsing a local magazine called Parable and I happened upon an article on Shakespeare’s Sonnet 73, written by Gary Bouchard, the Chair of the English Department at Saint Anselm College.

Because of the sonnet’s lyrical and artful meditations on love, death, and time, Professor Bouchard felt it to be the closest thing to the perfect poem that he had ever encountered. He asked readers to consider their own accumulating years, and those of their loved ones, and to read the Sonnet imagining that they were speaking to their parent, spouse, child, grandchild, or a dear friend as they were about to leave you.

Sonnet 73

by William Shakespere

That time of year thou may'st in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruin'd choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou see'st the twilight of such day,
As after sunset fadeth in the west,
Which by-and-by black night doth take away,
Death's second self, that seals up all in rest.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the death-bed whereon it must expire 
Consum'd with that which it was nourished by.
This thou perceivest, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well which thou must leave ere long.

Shakespeare, and the generations of humanity that preceded us, considered recognition of our own mortality as the beginning of wisdom. Sonnet 73 captures in a profound way the relentless effects time has on the physical body and  how the recognition of our inevitable death serves to strengthen our love for those we love most in the world.

The sonnet speaks not of the actual moment of death, but rather of a time just after sunset – when the sun has vanished – but there is still some light in the sky, a time when the cooling air alerts us to the rapid onset of darkness and when we know how quickly sleep; or death’s second-self might be upon us. 400 years later, Shakespeare’s kindred spirit Bob Dylan would refer to this period in life as the time when “It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there“.

The sonnet also highlights the paradox of our physical existence. The very wood that fuels a fire become the ashes that choke it off. Just so in illness and aging, we are done in by the very things that once nourished us. The hips and knees that helped us run become our daily aches. The heart that kept us living for so long, becomes a source of worry as it weakens.

Everybody encounters sorrow. If you live long enough you too will be witness to the twilight fading and leaving of those you love – and when our own time gets near, we must say goodbye to all those we hold dear. It is during these times that perceptive souls will “love more strong” the people which we “must leave ere long“.

I witnessed the slow decline and early death of my wife to illness over a three year period and I can honestly say that during that difficult time together our love for each other did grow more strong and each good day toward the end felt like a precious gift.

Likewise, towards the end of my 87 year old father’s life, every meeting with him felt like it could be the last; and each parting embrace was thick with untold meaning and love between a father and a son that cannot be expressed in words – we would look deeply into each other’s eyes and he would say “Goodbye, my boy”.

We ought to treat each meaningful parting in our life as a kind of prayer. Especially if it is a leave-taking accompanied by illness and evident aging. No one knows when we will see the ones we love again.

Acceptance of the fact that that our lives will fade or are fading – like the leaves on the trees, like the light at the end of the day, like diminished flames – should deepen our gratitude for the great gift that is our life.

If you love, there will be sorrow…

Life is fragile and there will come a time for all of us when we experience seasons of loss. The REM song reminds us that “Everybody cries. Everybody hurts sometime“. The history of my painful losses include the death of my beloved Grandmother during a Christmas Eve house fire, the sudden fatal heart attack of my favorite Uncle and Godfather, the losing fight my wife and Mother of my two children fought against breast cancer and most recently the slow decline of my 87 year old father and best friend who suffers from COPD and has been placed in Hospice care.

During each of these losses I have suffered periods of profound sorrow. I loved them deeply and they were a major positive influence on helping me to become the person that I am today. I am who I am because of who they were, and because of the sacrifices they made on my behalf. They loved me first before I was able to fully love them. They supported me and cheered for my successes and taught me that losing can sometimes be more important than winning.

Love is not without cost. When we dare to love, we risk being hurt. Sorrow is the price we pay for choosing to love. I read somewhere once that the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference – a conscious effort not to invest any energy in growing the relationships we have with others.  We can decide not to fully love the people in our lives and to remain indifferent – insulating ourselves from the possibilities of getting hurt by them. This is the sentiment in the Simon & Garfunkel song I am a Rock in which they sing:

“…if I never loved I never would have cried – I am a rock, I am an island – and a rock feels no pain and an island never cries”

It’s true, if we love there will be sorrow and pain and sacrifice; but what is the alternative? To not love? To avoid tenderness? To miss out on the joy that comes from sharing life’s small and big moments with people you care about? To never understand what it means to be fully human?  That would be an alternative that would be a much greater loss.

So be grateful for those you love and those who love you, celebrate the time you have with them because it will not last forever, lean on them when your burdens become hard to bear and take solace during your seasons of sorrow knowing that the dead live on in the hearts of those who have loved them.

Make Hay While the Sun Shines

My wife is part of a health care agency that deals with patients who need home and hospice care. When we come together at the end of our day to share our ups and downs over dinner and a glass of wine, I often hear sad stories about nameless people who suddenly become stricken with a serious illness at an early age. As can be expected, the diagnosis of a life threatening illness comes as a complete shock to the patient and their families. Most of them had expectations of living a long life and had a future planned with a long list of activities.

I can relate to the stresses that are thrust upon a family coping with a serious illness. My first wife, and mother of my two daughters, struggled with Breast Cancer for 3 years before passing away at the age of 45. I believe she was more fortunate than most others going through similar situations because she had a strong faith that helped her to attribute “meaning” and a “purpose” to her illness.

She was also very goal oriented which allowed her to accomplish many of her life’s objectives at an early age: she was married and had her children when she was still a young woman, enjoyed being a stay-at-home mother for her daughters during their most formative years, took night classes to get a Master’s Degree in Early Childhood Education, traveled to many of the dream destinations that had captured her imagination and spent the last years of her life in a job she loved – teaching children. She made hay while the sun shined.

The first use of the phrase “Make hay while the sun shines” was recorded in a 1546 book of English Tudor proverbs by John Heywood. The phrase appeared in this form:

 “Whan the sunne shinth make hay. Whiche is to say. Take time whan time cometh, lest time steale away.”

This phrase often directs my thinking as I plan my daily activities. I use it to remind myself that the sun will not always be shining for me and that I will experience periods of rain and darkness in my life that will limit what it is possible for me to do. There will come a time when I will not get the chance to do tomorrow what I have put off today; so it is wise for me to make good use of my time and make the most of my opportunities while I have the chance.

“Get up! You’re borrowing time” sings Aimee Mann in the refrain to one of her songs. No one knows when their time will be up, so I find myself being careful about how I spend my time. I realize now more than ever how precious it is and I try to keep busy in ways that will be productive to my mind, body, or spirit.

That is one reason I have a habit of keeping short and long term lists of things that I would like to accomplish. The lists stop me from falling into comfortable and easy habits that do not contribute to my growth and they guide me to focus on the higher quality things in life. I have a finite number of books I can read, music I can listen to, shows I can watch, streams I can fish – I want them to be the best books, music, shows, and streams that life has to offer.

Making hay doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t also take time to smell the roses along the way. Indeed, I find those small moments during the week when I steal time away to appreciate the beauty that can be found all around us is very refreshing to my soul. Much like the smell of freshly mowed hay on a summer day.