Is it not better to see yourself truly, than care about how others see you?

When I was 10 years old (in 1970), I was part of a play group of six boys that spent their days roaming about the small Massachusetts town where I grew up. We would hang out together after school, on weekends and during school vacations doing the things that interest most boys of that age – building tree houses, camping out, riding bikes, playing sports and pulling pranks on one another.

I remember the TV networks began broadcasting a weekly television show in 1972 that quickly became the favorite topic of conversation among my group of friends and an endless source of inspiration for our role playing activities.

The show was called Kung Fu and it  followed the adventures of a Shaolin monk named Kwai Chang Caine. He was born to an American man and a Chinese woman in mid-19th century China, but was orphaned as a young boy. The Shaolin Monastery took him in and trained him to become a priest and martial arts expert.

In the show Caine is seen traveling from town to town throughout the American Old West in search of his half brother. Each episode shows him dealing with difficult people and situations armed only with his spiritual training and his skill in martial arts. Flashback scenes specific to the moral dilemmas he faces in each episode are employed to recall specific lessons that were learned by Caine during his childhood training at the monastery.

There inevitably comes a point during each episode when he is forced to call upon his martial arts training to defend himself or others, even though he was taught to avoid violence whenever possible, and to use it only as a means of self-defense – or as a last resort to protect the weak and vulnerable,

Those fight scenes were what my group of friends enjoyed the most. We would watch each episode religiously and then spend the following week looking ridiculous trying to re-enact the fight scenes with one another while mimicking the martial arts moves that were displayed.

Over time I began to see there was something else beyond those superficial fight scenes, that made me to start to question the way that I looked at life and how a man should conduct himself. It was the first show that exposed me to the wisdom of other cultures, the ugliness of racism, the practice of non-violence and the value of all life.

The admirable qualities of the man that was portrayed in this show were polar opposite to the qualities that were being promoted by other shows of the time. The American heroes like John Wayne and Clint Eastwood were depicted as loud, prideful, violent and self-destructive. Kwai Chang Caine on the other hand was a different kind of protagonist; one who is strong but quiet, humble, peaceful and harmonious.

Those childhood memories came flooding back to me because I happened to be scrolling through my Netflix movie options and noticed that the Kung Fu TV series had recently been added to their roster of streaming options. I thought it might be enlightening for me to watch the shows again, 46 years later, to see what further insight I could gain.

I am finding that each episode imparts some bit of new wisdom or truth that speaks to me. In the most recent episode I watched it was a flashback scene at the monastery in which Caine is found to be showing off his fighting prowess to the younger students. He is blindfolded, yet adroitly fends off three attackers.

While he is in the midst of the battle, his Teacher comes upon the scene and when the fight is over questions Caine’s motives for the martial arts demonstration. Caine explains that he was simply seeking to test himself, but after further questioning admits what he was really trying to do was impress the group of young students. His master rebukes Caine by saying:

    Is it not better to see yourself truly, than care about how others see you?

That question jumped out at me as one that we all should ponder given the ubiquitous nature of social media in our lives today and the seeming competition among friends and acquaintances to relentlessly craft a social media narrative that depicts lives filled with perfection and happiness.

My wife and I have acquaintances who seem to be miserable, because whenever we see them we hear them speak about their troubles or lament the injustices they have had to endure. Yet if we happen to go online and read their Facebook postings we see only positive images of an idyllic life alongside messages about how good their life is. There is a disconnect – they are obviously not happy, yet they want the world to believe they are.

It seems to me that our lives would be better served if we took all the effort we spend trying to perfect how others see us and spent that energy instead on trying to see ourselves truly. Seeing yourself truly requires focusing on the inner life – not on the relentless demands that are imposed on us by the outer life.

The outer life is all about managing how the world looks at me (my body, my home, my possessions, my intelligence, my job, my family, my followers) – we try to impress a whole universe of people who only judge us based on what they see with their senses. The inner life on the other hand, is about how I look at myself – my private thoughts and values, emotions, fantasies, spiritual beliefs, my capacity to love and my sense of purpose.

The outer life is visible and public while the inner life is invisible and private. As human beings we are naturally “show-offs” and tend to focus on things that will improve our outer life; things like studies, degrees, job positions, fame and money. We believe that if we are successful in our outer life then we will be happy and content.

Today’s culture does little to value or nurture our inner lives. We keep much of our inner life hidden from others, even those to whom we are closest. Some people don’t even acknowledge their inner life because it can be difficult to answer internal questions like who am I, what do I believe, what is my purpose, how should I change, what do I regret, what do I want my future to look like?

But if we become absorbed by our outer life and fail to cultivate our inner life, we risk becoming blind to the the things that give life ultimate satisfaction and meaning. Spending time on the inner life can refresh us and make us feel more balanced so that we will make wise outer life decisions that are in harmony with our inner life thoughts and beliefs.

I am often guilty of focusing too much on my outer life at the expense of my inner life. I give too much thought to the materialistic demands of my outer life and care more than I should about how others see me. I do not spend enough energy trying to see myself truly.

But I do make a concerted effort to include activities in my schedule every week that help me focus on my inner life and take my mind off of the outer life distractions that drive most of our days. That is why I take time to write this blog on the life examined and why prayer, meditation, church, contemplative walks, reading poetry, listening to music and being out in nature are important contributors to my well-being.

It is those activities that refresh me and I recognize that when I fail to do them, my life becomes unbalanced. I hope you find a way to be your true self always so that you will, as the Shaolin monks say, “…never fear thus to be naked to the eyes of others.”