One of the things my wife and I like to do together is attend performances at the Merrimack Repertory Theatre. We consider attending plays one of our better date activities because it provides us with an opportunity to break out of our normal routines and have engaging conversations together about the moments in the performances that stirred our emotions or stimulated our minds.
Recently we attended a two-man play called Best Summer Ever that was written and performed by Kevin Kling – an accomplished playwright, storyteller, and contributor to NPR’s All Things Considered. Kling is an ebullient personality and there is something childlike, mischievous, and endearing about him that works to win over his audiences from the start.
One of Kevin’s most admirable qualities is his attitude towards overcoming the physical disabilities that are a part of his life. He was born with a congenital birth defect that shriveled his left arm and left it without a wrist or thumb. Then, at the age of 44, Kevin was in a motorcycle accident that completely paralyzed his right arm and disfigured his face.
Kling is open about his disabilities and tries to explain, with humor, the blessings he has derived from his misfortunes and the benefits that can come from tackling life’s obstacles with faith and a positive attitude. His family and friends stood by him while he recovered from his motorcycle accident and years of rehab.
“It’s hard to deny the power of prayer when you’re on the receiving end of it. I know it helped me heal. At times it was like skiing behind a power boat — all I had to do was hang on… As terrible [as my injuries were] and as scared as I am sometimes, I still feel blessed. And when I get discouraged I just look at my two wiener dogs because they are the best example of a ‘can do’ attitude in a ‘can’t do’ body.
Kevin Kling
Kling separates the disabilities that we are born with from those disabilities we acquire later in life and he points out that being so-called “able-bodied” is always just a temporary condition – sooner or later we are all likely to suffer from life’s frailties. He feels that when you are born with a disability, you grow from it, but when you experience a loss later in life, you have to grow toward it; you need time to grow into the new person you haven’t yet become.
Kevin wrote “The Best Summer Ever” as a way of growing toward the new person he was becoming after his accident. He does this by going back and telling the heartwarming story of his 9 year childhood journey growing up as the son of Norwegian immigrants in rural Minnesota. Exploring his childhood from this perspective became a kind of therapy; helping him to find pieces from his past to fit, not the person he was, but the new person he was becoming.
There were two moments from the play that stood out in my mind as reflections of the kind of positive wisdom Kevin had to share about life with his audience:
We all have a deep desire to feel connected, no matter what age
There is a scene in the play where 9 year old Kevin tries his best to comfort his aging grandfather who is grieving the death of his brother. Kevin is trying to understand why his grandfather is so sad and comes to the realization that his grandfather must feel like an orphan now because his mother, father and all his siblings are now gone. He is the last one of his family left.
How must it feel when the people you had the strongest connection to throughout your life are no longer here? I wonder about my 93 year old mother. After living through the deaths of her mother, father and seven siblings, does she feel like an orphan in some way? Despite her many children and grandchildren, is she happily looking forward to re-establishing connections again with her family on the other side?
Kevin talks fondly about his grandparents and the role they played in his life, saying his relationship with them was one of his strongest connections and one that most shaped who he became:
“I connected with my grandparents. And I think we were in the same light. I mean, I was in the dawn, and they were in the twilight, but we were in the same light. And because of that, they were heading to the creator, and I was coming from the creator. And it seemed, because of that, we spoke a very similar language.“
Live so that your Light outlives you
At the conclusion of the play, Kevin is looking at a nighttime sky full of shining stars and marvels that since the stars are so far away it takes hundreds or thousands of years for their light to reach the earth. This means that those of us left on on earth will continue to receive light from the stars even after they are long dead.
Kevin believes that the light from people can live on after they die too. The good that we do, and the light we share will outlive us if we act to make a positive difference in the lives of the people we love and take meaningful action against the injustice we see in the world.
When Kevin looks up at those stars at night he is happy to feel the presence and memories of his grandparents and parents shining down on him. I hope when you look up at the stars, you too can take comfort and feel gratitude for the connections you had with your loved ones. But more important I hope you are living the kind of life that will continue to shine light long after you are gone. When you think about it, being a light for someone else is one way for us to become immortal.
When the American poet and essayist Louise Glück was awarded the 2020 Nobel Prize in Literature “for her unmistakable poetic voice that with austere beauty makes individual existence universal“; I was intrigued to learn more about her.
I was not familiar with Glück or her work even though she had published 13 books of well-received poetry over a 52 year span, served as Poet Laureate of the United States in 2003 and was the recipient of numerous literary awards – including the the Pulitzer Prize, the National Humanities Medal, the National Book Critics Circle Award, the Los Angeles Times Book Prize and the Bollingen Prize.
While looking into Glück’s background, I learned that she was born in New York City in 1943 and raised on Long Island. Glück’s mother was of Russian Jewish descent and her father’s parents were Hungarian Jews who emigrated to the United States and ran a grocery store in New York.
Glück’s father had an ambition to become a writer, but went into business with his brother-in-law and achieved success when they invented the X-Acto knife. Glück’s mother was a graduate of Wellesley College. In her childhood, her parents taught Louise Greek Mythology and classic stories such as the life of Joan of Arc – themes of which she would mine in many of her later poems.
She began to write poetry at an early age, but as a teenager and young adult Glück struggled with anorexia. She described the illness as the result of an effort to assert her independence from her mother and as a way for her to come to terms with the illness and death of an of an elder sister.
During the fall of her senior year she was taken out of high school to focus on her rehabilitation. She spent the next seven years in psychoanalytic therapy which she credited with helping her learn how to think and overcome her anorexia. During this time period she attended classes at Sarah Lawrence College and Columbia University and worked part time as a secretary – which she said did not suit her temperamentally.
Glück has been married twice, both marriages ending in divorce, and has one son. She currently lives in Cambridge Massachusetts and is an adjunct professor at Yale University.
While the subjects of Glück’s poems are wide and varied, scholars have identified the most common themes in her work as trauma, death, loss, suffering, failed relationships, and attempts at healing and renewal.
The scholar Daniel Morris observed that even a Glück poem that uses traditionally happy imagery still “suggests the author’s awareness of mortality, of the loss of innocence“. The writer Linda Rodriguez noted that “Her poetry explores the intimate drama of family tragedies resonating through the generations and the relationship between human beings and their creator.”
Glück utilizes her focus on trauma as a gateway to a greater appreciation of life says Carol Malone, writing for the Best American Poetry 2020 book, and uses her acceptance of mortality as a way to become a more fully realized human being.
I listened to a 2012 Academy of Achievementinterview with Louise Glück that I found very thoughtful. When asked why she still writes, Gluck responded:
“Because I feel alive when I’m doing it and much less alive when I’m not doing it. I write to discover meaning… It’s much less about who I am than the idea that nothing should be wasted. Also, writing is a kind of revenge against circumstance too. Bad luck, loss, pain; if you make something out of it then you are no longer bested by the events.”
It’s that kind of thinking, I believe, that allows Glück to be brutally honest in her poetry. She is not writing for her audience per se, but for herself. To make herself feel more alive, to make sense of her experiences and to wrestle even the negative circumstances of her life into something positive.
Later in the interview, when she is asked how she feels about the accolades and awards she has received for her work, she responds:
“They are nice and make life more comfortable. But what I want is not capable of being had in my lifetime. I want to live after I die, in that ancient way, and there will be no knowing until that happens – no matter how many blue ribbons I have attached to my corpse.”
There is a maturity and wisdom in her recognition of the vanity of earthly awards, and of their ultimate meaningless in the face of eternity. It will remain a mystery what the afterlife has in store for Louise Glück, but, I like to think that it is certain she will continue to live on through the striking poems she leaves behind.
One such striking poem I came across while browsing through her Collected Works 1962-2012 is titled New World:
New World Poem by Elizabeth Gluck
This poem made me think about my general reluctance to wander far from home – and how my preference to focus more on the interior life than the exterior life may have contributed to “holding down” my more exuberant life companions.
Because my engineering and marketing career necessitated frequent travel, I came to realize early on that travel is overrated. It seemed to me the best part of most journeys is that moment when you finally return to the comforts of home.
I am not alone in this sentiment. It was Blaise Pascal’s opinion that all human evil comes from man’s inability to sit still in his room; and Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote in his book Self-Reliance: “Travelling is a fool’s paradise, our first journey’s discover to us the indifference of places… Our minds travel when our bodies are forced to stay at home”.
Reading this poem reminded me that it is important for me to temper my preference for the quiet and contemplative life with a spirit of adventure as well – because I don’t want to be the lead strapped to the ankles of my beloved family or the wet blanket that prevents them from experiencing adventures that contribute to making life memorable and interesting.
Life is a balance and being a recluse can blind you to all that the world has to offer. Also, what good does it do to be floating free if there is no one to share it with?
Today, Louise Gluck lives in Cambridge MA but she has spoken in the past about falling in love with the state of Vermont when she first moved there in 1971 to begin teaching at Goddard College. She credits the move as being instrumental in helping her get past her writer’s block.
Tragically, a fire destroyed her Vermont house in 1980 resulting in the loss of all her possessions. After the fire, Louise reluctantly moved from the state where she felt so much at home.
When the reporters asked her what she intended to do with the $1.1 million dollar award money that came with winning the Nobel Prize, it made me smile when she said she was thinking of buying a house in Vermont.
Enjoy Vermont Ms Gluck – I hope you feel very alive there and maybe I will be lucky enough to bump into you someday during my New World travels to that magical Green Mountain state to visit with my beloved family connections.
When the Coronavirus epidemic first began to shut down the economy and close the schools, the audio book company Audible announced that they would offer free access to a collection of classic audio books – “so that kids everywhere can instantly stream an incredible collection of stories… that will help them continue dreaming, learning, and just being kids“.
I took advantage of Audible’s generosity by listening to several classic novels, one of which was Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray“. The 1890 novel tells the story of of a cultured, wealthy, and impossibly beautiful young man named Dorian Gray.
Dorian’s artist friend Basil, is so taken by Dorian’s appearance and noble bearing that he badgers him into sitting for a portrait. While putting the finishing touches on the portrait, which elegantly depicts the young Dorian as a handsome mythological figure, Dorian is introduced to Lord Henry Wotton.
Lord Henry is an upper-class intellectual who is popular in social circles for his amusing wit and charms, and for his selfish pursuit of pleasure. Upon observing Dorian’s portrait, Lord Henry praises it as a masterpiece and proceeds to give a speech about the transient nature of beauty and youth.
The speech worries the impressionable young Dorian because he begins to realize that over time his most impressive youthful characteristics will inevitably begin to fade. This leads Dorian to curse his portrait, because he sees it will only come to remind him of the lost beauty he once had. In a fit of distress, he pledges his soul if only the painting would take on the burden of his age while he remained forever young.
His wish is granted. Throughout the years, Dorian’s friends age while he stays the same. His picture, however, gradually changes over time to reflect his increasingly evil and corrupt lifestyle.
Lord Henry corrupts Dorian’s mind and soul by encouraging him to live a life dedicated to the pursuit of pleasure. He gives Dorian a book describing the wicked exploits of a nineteenth-century Frenchman which becomes Dorian’s bible as he sinks ever deeper into a life of sin and corruption.
He lives a selfish lifestyle devoted to garnering new experiences and pleasures, with no regard for conventional standards of morality or the consequences of his actions.
Eighteen years pass. Dorian’s reputation suffers in circles of polite London society, where rumors spread regarding his scandalous exploits. His peers nevertheless continue to accept him because he remains young and beautiful. Meanwhile, the figure in the painting that is locked away in Dorian’s attic grows increasingly hideous.
Near the end of the novel, Lord Henry asks Dorian how it is that he has managed to remain so young after all these years. He wants to know the secret behind what he believes is Dorian’s “exquisite” life.
“Tell me Dorian how you have kept your youth. You must have some secret. I am only ten years older than you are, and I am wrinkled, and worn, and yellow. But you are really wonderful, Dorian. You have never looked more charming than you do to-night. You remind me of the day I saw you first. You were rather cheeky, very shy, and absolutely extraordinary. You have changed, of course, but not in appearance. I wish you would tell me your secret. To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.”
Quote from “Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde
While listening to this novel, it struck me how strong the human longing is for eternal youth and how many schemes have been promoted over the years promising quick and painless ways to achieve it.
Since the beginning of recorded history, people have been searching for a Fountain of Youth. Tales of a mythical spring that can restore the youth of anyone who drinks or bathes in its waters show up in many historical writings – some dating as far back as the 5th century BC.
Based on these many legends, early explorers and adventurers looked for the elusive fountain, or some other remedy generally associated with magic waters, that when drunk or bathed in would reverse the aging process and cure sickness.
Even today, society’s unending pursuit to find some type of easy ‘medicine’ that will keep us forever young continues strong. One of the songs from 79 year old Bob Dylan’s latest album wistfully praises Key West as the place where the rejuvenating virtues of the sun and wind can be found:
Key West is the place to be If you’re looking for immortality Stay on the road, follow the highway sign Key West is fine and fair If you lost your mind, you will find it there Key West is on the horizon line
Lyrics from “Key West (Philosopher Pirate)” by Bob Dylan
Fortunately for those of us living today, modern medicine and the discovery of life-saving vaccines have delivered on the promise of extending the human lifespan.
According to the organization Our World in Data, the average global life expectancy for the human species when Oscar Wilde was writing his book was 29 years old. By 1950, the average life expectancy had increased to 46 years – and by 2015 it had grown to 71 years. So, in the course of approximately 200 years mankind has successfully managed to more than double the average human lifespan.
Despite the incredible advances made by the medical and scientific communities to increase our longevity, science teaches us that nobody can live forever – everyone has an expiration date.
There is a ceiling on human lifespan. The longest living person as verified by the Gerontology Research Group was a French woman named Jeanne Calment who died in 1997 at the age of 122.
Theoretical studies suggest that the maximum lifespan a human can achieve under circumstances that are optimal to longevity is approximately 125 years. The process of aging itself constrains our lifespan, which means that until mankind figures out a way to stop aging, not just treat or prevent specific diseases, there isn’t much chance humans will be able to increase their maximum lifespan beyond that age.
Though we accept there is no fountain of youth or chance at immortality, we also know that certain lifestyle habits can help us stay healthy and younger looking as we grow older. Scientists have provided overwhelming evidence that the following lifestyle habits positively contribute to human health and longevity:
Maintain Healthy Body Weight – Maintaining a healthy body weight lowers the risk of developing diseases and conditions associated with aging such as diabetes, clogged arteries, heart attacks and strokes. People who limit their calorie intake have healthier heart muscle elasticity, blood pressure and inflammatory markers.
Eat Smart – A healthful diet includes a variety of fruits and vegetables of many colors, whole grains and starches, good fats, and lean proteins. Eating healthfully also means avoiding processed foods with high amounts of added salt and sugar. A 2015 study showed that eating a healthy diet slows cognitive decline, improves bone strength and enhances gastro-intestinal health.
Exercise – Working out helps combat the loss of bone density and muscle mass that naturally occurs in our skeletons as we get older. A study, published in the International Journal of Sports Medicine concluded that 70-year-olds who regularly lift weights had as much muscle as 28-year-olds. Consistent mobilizing and stretching of our bodies also helps to reduce the effects of aging on joints and muscles.
Sleep – Sleep acts as a true fountain of youth for our bodies by providing a pathway for our bodies to repair and rejuvenate itself. People who get a good night’s sleep report feeling more alert, energetic, happier, and better able to function. Research shows that sleep plays a critical role in our immune system, metabolism, muscle growth, tissue repair, memory, learning, and growth hormones. It clears away all of the harmful by-products of the cells’ activities that are produced while we are awake. Sleep is so important to our functioning, that animals who are entirely deprived of it lose all immune function and die in just a matter of weeks.
Form Connections – Positive social connections with other people and a belief in a higher power have been shown to improve physical health and mental and emotional well-being. One landmark study published by Science Magazine showed that lack of social connection is a greater detriment to health than obesity, smoking and high blood pressure. Strong social connections were shown to strengthen our immune systems, help us to recover faster from disease and increase our longevity. People who feel more connected to others have lower levels of anxiety and depression, higher self-esteem, and greater empathy for others.
Minimize Environmental Toxins – Prolonged exposure to harsh environmental toxins like smoke, pollution, direct sunlight and loud noise can damage and prematurely age our bodies. Without protection from the sun’s rays, daily exposure can cause noticeable changes and damage to the skin and facial wrinkles start forming on the faces of smokers as young as 20.
We have all been given a map that shows us how to maximize our longevity and stay feeling young and healthy for as long as possible. So why is it that so many of us, myself included, have such a hard time changing our lifestyles to adopt these healthy lifestyle habits?
We know what we should do to maintain our health but our human nature gets in the way, making it difficult for us to sacrifice those momentary un-healthy pleasures that tempt us every day for the promise of benefits that we hope to see sometime in the future.
Most people tend to choose the path of least resistance. It is difficult for many people to limit calories and maintain a healthy body weight; it is unpleasant to eliminate unhealthy foods that you love and replace them with healthy foods you do not enjoy; it is painful to motivate yourself to exercise when you feel tired; it takes discipline to shut off today’s 24/7 news and entertainment options so that we do not shortchange our sleep cycles; it takes commitment to cultivate and nourish our social networks; and it is almost humanly impossible to overcome chemical addictions that become rooted in us.
All of those things are hard so it is no wonder that many of us are like Lord Henry Wotten, who strongly desires the youthful qualities he sees in Dorian, but is also unwilling to suffer any pains to his lifestyle habits or pleasures in order to achieve the gains he covets.
The challenge for all of us is to develop the strength to reject our instant gratification tendencies and to keep in mind the eventual long term rewards that we hope to accrue from today’s short term pains. It helps to think of the struggle we are in today as developing the strength we need to have a better tomorrow. As Coco Chanel once remarked, “Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; but it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.”
I do not fear death because I see both birth and death as good things. Death frees up the planet’s limited resources to make room for the next generation and drives us to live purpose-driven lives. But I am apprehensive of a future in which I gradually deteriorate as I age because of sickness, feebleness, pain and cognitive decline. I imagine that living life with those age-related conditions would cause my life to lose much of its flavor.
My goal is to stay healthy and active up until the day I die. I know that is probably unrealistic but at least it is a goal that keeps me motivated to put up with the pains that come with pursuing healthy lifestyle habits.
Even though I often fail by making unhealthy lifestyle choices, I do not give up trying to achieve my goal. Because doing something is better than doing nothing and winning some of the time is better than giving up altogether.
The surprising thing I have found is that the more I try, the easier it gets. I actually feel better when I eat healthy, exercise, get enough sleep and connect with friends and family. The effort to live healthy doesn’t have to make us miserable – it can pay dividends that make us happy both in the short and the long term.
So, unlike Dorian Gray, I hope the picture of your journey shows a full life that is well-lived; and may you be healthy and happy until the day you die.
Words to Live By... 