“I do not understand; I pause; I examine”

Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) has been recognized as one of the most significant philosophers of the 16th century. Born into a privileged family and raised during the period of the French Renaissance, he was educated in a private boarding school where all his lessons were taught in Latin. Because of his family’s great wealth, he was free to devote the first half of his life to jobs serving the public sector; including volunteering as a legal counselor, advisor to King Charles IX and mayor of the town of Bordeaux.

In 1571, at the age of 38, he retired from public life to his estate, where he isolated himself from all social and family affairs so that he could dedicate his time to reading, meditating, and writing. It was in his castle’s round library room – which contained more than 1,500 books – where Montaigne probed his mind and produced two highly influential books titled simply Essays; which he published in 1580. Montaigne wrote that “I am myself the matter of my book“, and his stated goal was to describe humans, and especially himself, with utter frankness.

Some of the key topics Montaigne explored in his various essays include:

• Mankind’s dangerously inflated claims to knowledge and certainty
• The assertion that there is no greater achievement than the ability to accept one’s limitations
• The problem of trying to locate truth in commonly accepted ideas that are false or unexamined – especially since many things we held yesterday as articles of faith today we know as fables.
• The importance of freeing ourselves from outside influences, customs and opinions
• His belief that the best path to understanding truth is by a careful exploration of one’s own body-and-mind.

Montaigne believed that the self, even with all its imperfections, was the best possible place to begin the search for truth, even though our identities can’t be defined as a stable thing because it is always changing. The most obvious example to him was the struggle of living with the infirmities of a human body. “Our bodies smell, ache, sag, pulse, throb and age regardless of the best desires of our mind“. It is only in acceptance of these traits that we can remain faithful to the truth of one’s being.

Montaigne isolated himself while writing his Essays but maintained the importance of maintaining contact with the outside world of other people and events because one can learn much that is useful from others. He described human beings as having a front room, facing the exterior street, where they meet and interact with others, but also with a back room where they are able to retreat back into their interior private self to reflect upon the vagaries of human experience and consider how it impacts their intimate identity.

Montaigne was refreshingly different from other philosophers and academics of his day who believed that their advanced powers of reason were a divine gift that gave them mastery over the world and a happiness that was denied to lesser educated creatures. He mocked those philosophers who were proud of their big brains and his writings come across as wise and intelligent – but also as modest and eager to debunk the pretensions of learning.

He wrote of his fellow academics and philosophers: “On our highest thrones in the world we are seated, still, on our arses” and, “…in practice, thousands of little women in their villages have lived more gentle, more equable and more constant lives than us.

He mocked books that were difficult to read. He found Plato boring and just wanted to have fun with books. “I’m not prepared to bash my brains out for anything, not even for learning’s sake – however precious it may be. If one book tires me, I just take up another“.

[note: I must admit that this sentiment makes me feel somewhat better about my decision to hold off reading the notorious difficult novel Ulysses by Irish writer James Joyce].

Montaigne was honest about the limitations and usefulness of his own intellect and attacked his prestigious academic friends for studying difficult things that were not useful to our lives.

“Difficulty is a coin which the learned conjure with so as not to reveal the vanity of their studies. Intellectuals would prefer you to study other people’s books way before we study our own minds. If man were wise, he would gauge the true worth of anything by its usefulness and appropriateness to his life”

I can’t help but wonder if Montaigne’s admiration for the working class – and life’s simple things – stemmed from the decision his humanist father made to leave him for three years when he was a small boy in the sole care of a peasant family in their town, in order to “draw the boy close to the people, and to the life conditions of the people, who need our help“.

Whatever the reason for his modest and humble personality, Montaigne comes across as one of the world’s first examples of a tolerant mind; a breath of fresh air in the cloistered and snobbish corridors of 16th century academia. He became an inspiration and encouragement to all those who felt put-upon and patronized by the arrogance of self-proclaimed clever people.

Montaigne tells us that each one of us is richer than we think. We may all arrive at wise ideas if we cease to think of ourselves as unsuited to the task just because we haven’t been classically trained or happen to lead an ordinary life.

The inscription Montagne had placed on the crown of the book shelf in his library was “I do not understand; I pause; I examine“. He had the inscription placed there to remind him of the limitations of his own knowledge and to caution him about the dangers that can result when one hastily forms opinions without careful consideration of all the facts.

Too many people today, especially since the advent of social media – which allows anybody to pass themselves off as experts – form their beliefs by adopting commonly accepted ideas or by making broad generalizations. Outside influences and political talking points trigger knee-jerk reactions from those who fail to take the time to study all sides of a topic – or to consider what is the truth and what is morally just.

It would be refreshing if more of us today, before forming our opinions, would like Montaigne, acknowledge the limitations of our knowledge, admit that we don’t fully understand a topic and then take time to examine all aspects of the issues in question using qualified experts in the field as our guides.

The danger of operating a society with uninformed or half-informed subjects was identified as early as the 2nd century by the Roman writer Publilius Syrus who said that it is “Better to be ignorant of a matter than to half know it“.

Today there are so many competing sources of information, where anyone with a computer can offer their uninformed opinions. Few people check the credentials of writers or the authenticity of the facts, and foreign actors can easily spread misinformation along via unregulated social networks.

The next time we are asked to form an opinion or make a decision about subjects we do not fully understand, we would do well to follow the sage advice of Montaigne: Do not let somebody else speak for you and do not fall prey to the pressures of biased outside influences. Instead take a moment to pause, study all sides of the issue, consult qualified experts and sources, and endeavor to reach true understanding.

If you can summon the conviction and discipline to do this, then you will be able to take solace knowing that even though you can not govern external events, you at least govern yourself.

An Appreciation of my Wife on her 60th Birthday

Kathleen was born in 1960, the first-born of a third generation English/Irish couple scratching out a living in the gritty suburbs of Boston. Her mother and father were young parents who never possessed adequate parental skills to properly nurture their children.

In public her parents tried to present the picture of a perfect family; but behind closed doors it was a different story. They were routinely cruel to their children, inflicting harsh punishments for minor infractions. They were driven by their own selfish desires, letting the needs of their children take a backseat.

Despite the dysfunctional home and parental episodes of verbal and physical abuse, Kate was fortunately also exposed to glimmers of light: grandparents who lived nearby to look after her when things got out of hand at home; a favorite aunt who would spoil her; treasured books that helped her to imagine a life different than the one she was living; younger siblings to protect and bond with; and a catholic elementary school education that gave her the moral foundation to understand the difference between right and wrong.

Her parent’s disowned Kate after she graduated from High School because she refused to continue letting them bully her or acquiesce to their unreasonable demands on her life.

With no family support, she managed to get by with jobs as a checkout girl at the Supermarket and as a snack distributor. She shared a tiny apartment and went to school at night when she could afford it – eventually graduating from Bentley University with her business degree.

When she got married her parents expressed their disapproval by refusing to attend the wedding and by strong-arming most of her relatives to boycott the wedding as well.

Nevertheless she persisted, integrating well into her husband’s family – who gladly embraced her, loving and treating her like a daughter. She learned important lessons about how to be a loving parent from her father and mother in law that she never acquired from her own parents.

Someone had once told Kate that in this life you can either choose to be a victim or a survivor; and she was determined to be a survivor – refusing to let her past misfortunes define her or rob her of present and future joy.

It is said that when a child is born, the mother is born again also. Kate got a chance to be born again – being blessed with two daughters and a son over a period of 4 years. She vowed not to let history repeat itself, insisting that she would be a different kind of mother to her children than her mother was to her.

She succeeded in this vow by focusing on her family, working long hours to create a beautiful home and doing everything in her power to make sure her children had everything they needed. She sacrificed personal and professional goals to ensure the well-being of her children and to support her husband’s rising career.

When the marriage broke apart after almost 20 years, Kate was devastated. Overnight she became a single mother of two teenage daughters and a teenage son, struggling to pay, on a greatly reduced income, all the bills that came with maintaining the lifestyle to which her children were accustomed.

She did what she could to cut expenses and protect the children’s lives as much as possible from the turmoil and disruption that typically comes when parents divorce. Though the husband and wife relationship ended up in failure, Kate did her best for the sake of her children to ensure that the mother and father roles would be a success.

It was during this time that Kate and I began dating. We found each other via an online dating app, but were surprised to learn how much we actually had in common. We were both the same age, we lived in adjacent towns, our kids attended the same Catholic school and we were both grieving from the sudden death of our imagined lifetime dreams.

We met for a bicycle ride on our first date and I was intrigued by her honesty and seeming lack of effort to impress me with her clothes or appearance. She told me right up front that I should run away from her because she had three teenage children and an ex-husband that was a cop.

Her honesty came as a refreshing change compared to my other limited dating experiences and even after one brief date I could tell there was something substantial about her under the surface that called for a second date.

I enjoyed discovering over subsequent dates the beautiful qualities about her that were just waiting to come out – her intelligence; her sense of humor; her compassion for others; and her selflessness in trying to protect and provide for her children.

I saw in Kate a unique blend of toughness and tenderness that was very appealing. She shows her personal toughness by her refusal to be defeated by the obstacles and adversities that life throws at her; but at the same time she is very tender and compassionate with the people she encounters who need love, understanding and a helping hand.

I often wonder how it is that some people can grow up in dysfunctional families and live through life changing hurts but still bounce back from those adverse conditions to live happy and fulfilling lives. I so admire my wife for being one of those people who are blessed with that kind of supernatural resilience.

It seems to be a divine gift or maybe the answer to a prayer like the one Emily Dickinson made when she was struggling with the vagaries of her life:

“Grant me, O Lord, a sunny mind – Thy windy will to bear!”

Emily Dickinson from the poem “Besides the Autumn Poets Sing”

The Lord granted Kate with a sunny disposition for sure. It is not in her nature to dwell on her troubles and disappointments or to wallow in self pity. Her tendency is to see the good in other people and to take actions that will lead to a hopeful future.

Somehow she has turned the lost battles of her life into fuel that has helped her to grow more understanding, more spiritual, more forgiving and more generous. She has managed with divine help I suppose to transform all her afflictions into a blessing. What others in her life intended for evil, she has turned into good.

She is a living testament to the adage that we are not the product of what we were, but the possibility of what we can be.

If power is defined as the ability to do good for others, then Kate has been a powerful force in the world by enriching countless lives. Her heart is happiest when she is performing acts of kindness that make life better for other people, especially her children, step-children, grandchildren, husband, siblings, nieces, nephews and community friends.

Even her job as a hospice liaison is spent comforting and assisting patients and families who are overwhelmed by the emotions of planning end-of life care for their loved ones. She was an angel to my extended family as she guided my father through his last days with dignity; and now helps my mother gracefully age-in-place in the home that she loves.

If it’s true that a life is made by what we give, then Kate has truly lived a wonderful life – and the lives of the people she has touched are so much richer for her being a part of it. Every time I hear the lovely lilt of her laughter I am reminded how much I love her and how fortunate I am to call her my wife.

So I toast my wife as she celebrates her 60^th birthday and begins what the Chinese like to call “the beginning of your second life“. I pray that the youth of her old age will be filled with love and happiness and that this blessing of her Irish ancestors will come true for her.

May joy and peace surround you,
Contentment latch your door,
And happiness be with you now,
And bless you evermore.

Greatest of All Time

After New England’s most recent Super Bowl triumph – and the unprecedented success the Patriots have experienced while Tom Brady has quarterbacked the team – it is common to hear sports media experts debating the merits of whether Tom Brady should be considered the “Greatest Of All Time” football player.

Graphic Drawing Courtesy of Felix Yadig

I find these debates amusing because no matter where you stand on the topic it is an argument that is impossible for either side to win or lose because the word “greatest” is ambiguous and it can be defined to mean different things to different people.

Some people equate greatness with athleticism and argue that Tom Brady is not as fast, agile or accurate as other quarterbacks; therefore he does not deserve the honor of being named the greatest of all time. Other people claim Tom Brady has no equal because greatness is measured by wins and championship titles.

In my previous job at a technology company it was stressed by company management to avoid using ambiguous adjectives when describing product results, competitive performance and customer satisfaction. Whenever ambiguous adjectives made their way into a company report, meeting or business email, they would be singled out by management and the author would be asked to replace what were called “Language of Affection” terms with more precise “Language of Report” terms.

Language of Affection terms such as great, beautiful, like, happy, cheap, expensive, fast, slow, satisfied, dissatisfied, terrible, hot, cold, etc. are considered ambiguous because they express subjective opinions. The company considered it misleading and potentially dangerous to make decisions or take actions with company capital based on these type of subjective feelings.

Language of Report terms, on the other hand, are based on objective, demonstrable facts that are specific and measurable. When data is presented using Language of Report terms, it becomes easy to set goals, measure performance and come to agreement about what objectives have been achieved.

In that spirit, rather than trying to debate whether or not Tom Brady should be considered the Greatest quarterback of all time, I have instead researched Tom Brady’s career and produced an itemized list of his accomplishments using Language of Report terms. These are facts and statistics that are specific, measurable and backed by evidence which cannot be disputed.

As impressive as these accomplishments are, it is possible that Tom will only improve upon this list if he continues to play at a high level for another 2 or 3 seasons before he retires – he says he is not done yet.

Tom Brady’s Career Accomplishments

• Player with most Division titles (16)
• Player with most Playoff game appearances (40)
• Player with most Playoff game wins (30)
• Player with most Super Bowl appearances (9)
• Player with most Super Bowl wins (6)
• Quarterback with most regular seasons wins (207)
• Quarterback with most Passing yards (81,693)
• Quarterback with most passing touchdowns (590)
• Most touchdowns thrown to different receivers (71)
• Most Playoff touchdown passes (73)
• Most Playoff passing yards (11,179)
• Most consecutive years scoring at least 400 points (12)
• Player with most Super Bowl MVPs (4)
• Quarterback with most Super Bowl touchdown passes (18)
• Quarterback with most Super Bowl passing yards (2,838)
• Most team wins in the last two decades (252)
• Only team to win 11 or more games for 9 straight seasons
• Most seasons with an undefeated home record (7)
• Most consecutive years earning a postseason playoff Bye (9)
• Most postseason playoff Bye’s since 2001 (13)
• Second most game winning drives (54)
• Second most Fourth Quarter comebacks (44)
• Second most Games started (267)

As important as these objective, measurable facts are for having an intelligent discussion on this topic; they do not paint a complete picture. Tom Brady also possesses many positive intangible qualities – qualities that are not easy to categorize or measure using the Language of Report but have undoubtedly contributed to his success in the league.

• Work Ethic – Tom Brady was not a top NFL prospect. He was the 199th player selected in the sixth round of the 2000 NFL draft. Nobody expected him to be more than a backup quarterback. Yet, he did not lack for confidence – telling the owner Robert Kraft when they first met “picking me was the best decision this organization ever made“. Tom did not start out as an elite quarterback, he made himself into one over time, through hard work, study and sheer will power. Teammates over the years have reported that Tom is usually the first one at the practice facility and the last one to leave.
• Unselfishness – Tom has agreed to team friendly contracts throughout the course of his career. Rather than insisting that he be paid as an elite quarterback, Tom sacrificed a portion of his pay so that it could be used to help improve other player positions that would make the team stronger.
• Football IQ – One of the major things that makes Tom excel at the quarterback position is his ability to read the defense prior to the snap – understanding before the play begins where the opponents weakness is and what the most favorable matchup will be for his team. Because of this innate football intelligence he can get the team in the right play and throw the football quickly before the opposing defense has time to react.
• Team Building – It is often said of the transcendent players in most professional sports that they have the capacity to inspire their teammates to play beyond their capabilities – they somehow know how to get the most out of their teammates. Despite the lack of top-flight receivers throughout his career, Tom ranks consistently near the top of the league every year in passing statistics. He does this by spreading the ball around to all the receivers and making it difficult for the defense to focus on stopping just one person. Tom gets the whole team involved because he is not predictable – his favorite receiver is always the one that is open.
• Leadership – Whenever Tom is given accolades for his accomplishments, he generally credits his success to the players and coaches. He recognizes that football is a team sport and to achieve success requires every player doing their part. One of the New England defensive players told a story about Tom Brady walking around the locker room before the start of a big game delivering individual messages of affirmation to each player to build them up. This kind of leadership makes players feel connected and important and it is why they leave their all on the field for the team.
• Single Mindedness – “Damn you Tom Brady! Why aren’t you dead yet?” screamed a frustrated Kansas City Chief’s fan as he watched Tom Brady methodically lead the Patriots down the field to beat his team in overtime and earn his ninth trip to the Superbowl. Tom continues to perform at a high level because he treats football as a complete lifestyle commitment. He has integrated Football into all aspects of his life, the food he puts into his body, the books he reads, the training he performs, even the pajamas he wears. It is this single minded focus on what he calls “giving up his life” for football that contributes to his longevity and enables him to play the game he loves to the absolutely best of his ability.

You can decide for yourself whether this list of accomplishments and positive personal attributes entitles Tom Brady to be labeled as the greatest quarterback of all time. For Patriots fans it doesn’t really matter how he is judged. What’s more important for us is the countless hours of entertainment and joy we have experienced over the better part of two decades watching football excellence and witnessing team dominance on a scale the likes of which is likely never to be seen again.

May you too strive to be great in all that you undertake.